


Outer Senshi Series

by orphan_account



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2752040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of stories surrounding Haruka's and Michiru's relationship</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my work. I couldn't find this completed anywhere online so I'm putting it on here. These were all written by Jackie Chiang in 1996-1997.

"Haruka... Are you willing to sacrifice everything for your dream?" she  
asked softly, wistfully, staring at her with thoughtful eyes.

"Ara, Haruka..." she laughed, softly, sweetly at the flowers that were  
given to her.

"Trust me, I'll be fine, baka," she said teasingly, reassuringly. She  
turned, smiling, walking away...

And out of her life forever...

 

No one could have thought that it would have ever happened. They had been  
so close... closer than Usagi and Mamoru, with a deep understanding of  
each other...

"Haruka-san, who would have thought that..."  
"It's not your fault, Haruka-san... Michiru-san was always..."  
"You can't blame yourself, Haruka-san..."

It's not your fault... Not your fault... not your fault...

The words hadn't helped. A few weeks later, she too was gone...

 

She cleared her throat impatiently, tapping her fingers quickly on the desk.  
Great idea, coming to the sea... You should have picked someplace that  
actually _had_ people... Not in the goddamn middle of nowhere...

"Hello?" she snapped finally. "Is anyone here?"

"Moshi moshi," a girl with brown hair, in twin braids, said, coming out  
behind the register from a door. "Welcome, how may I help-"

"You could start by having faster service," the other cut in rudely. She  
paused for a moment, as if waiting for someone to softly laugh at her  
forwardness, her brash arrogance. But no one did.

"Gomen nasai, Mr. -" the girl waited for the other to fill in his name.

"Tenoh," she said after a second, "Tenoh Haruka. And I'm female."

"Ara, gomen!" the girl cried out in embarrassment, blushing profusely.  
The redness to her cheeks clashed with the brown freckles on her face.

Haruka stared for a moment at the girl, but immediately shook herself  
mentally. Relax, Haruka, she told herself. Everyone who speaks Japanese  
uses 'ara'. Not just her... Even if it was one of her quaint habits...  
You can't fall down every time someone says that... But she sounded so  
much like her when she said that...

"It's ok," Haruka said, rather irritably. "I made reservations in this...  
place." She hesitated to call this small, empty place, though cozy, warm,  
and clean, a hotel. More like a cottage or something... a cottagetel, she  
supposed.

"Hai," the girl said as she looked in the guest book, not meeting Haruka's  
eyes. It was a rather good move, for Haruka rolled her eyes when the girl  
spoke again. "Um... I can't seem to find your name... Uh, hold on for a  
second."

"What can you expect from hicks here?" Haruka murmured to herself.

"Eh... You don't seem to be in here..." the girl said quickly.

"Great. So what do I do?" Her temper was near boiling point.

"I'll, uh, get you another room!" the girl almost shrieked. "Let me go find  
a maid to fix one up for you!" She hurried away.

"You do that," Haruka murmured, sighing. Leaving the tiny room, which they  
owners had the nerve to call a lobby, she went outside. The cottagetel was  
directly on the shore, and miles of sand and water spread out on both sides  
of it. "This is going to be an interesting weekend..."

Walking off the walk onto the sand, she went to the closest point to where  
the water reached but never touched, and stood, watching the waves. She  
would have liked it here... The thought came, regret and longing filling  
her soul. The wind pushed her blond bangs around her face.

Instinctively, she reached into her jacket, pulling out the lovely, green  
hand mirror. It was made of fine green jade and gold, and the glass was  
very polished and reflected the purest light. Gold figures decoratively  
covered the sides of the glass, holding it in place. Staring into the  
mirror, she felt herself remembering all that had happened...

 

"So where are you taking Michiru-san, Haruka-san?" Minako sat down next to  
me, staring at me with her cheerful, though often blank, gaze.

I coughed, choking on my tea. "Take her? What do you mean?"

"Don't tell me you forgot, Haruka-san," Rei admonished, moving into the seat  
across from Minako and myself. Ami and Makoto scooted in next to her, and  
Usagi remained standing.

"Uh, forgot what?" I wasn't usually so dense, but I had no idea what they  
were talking about.

"She did forget," Ami said, sighing.

"Ami-chan!" Makoto whispered, and Ami blushed.

"Are you kidding? Hotaru-chan has been going on for weeks to Chibi-Usa about  
this weekend!" Usagi said confidentially to the others. Confidentially  
meant that everyone in the coffee shop could hear her.

"Really?" Rei 'whispered' back excitedly.

I coughed discreetly. Ok, fine, so I slammed one fist on the table to get  
them to be quiet. They all stared at me with minor shock.

"This weekend's your anniversary, Haruka-san," Makoto said excitedly.  
"Hotaru-chan said that Michiru-san told her that it's when you first met."

"Really?" I said, perfectly calm and composed.

"You're nervous, aren't you, Haruka-san?" Minako said bluntly.

I choked again. Dammit, so the blond really wasn't that much of a ditz.

"How could you forget?" Rei said. "It's only the most important day of your  
relationship."

"It's so romantic!" Usagi gushed out. "I remember when Mamo-chan and I-"

I laughed nervously, hoping to stop her before she started reminiscing too  
much. "Not that romantic, odango."

"That's not what Hotaru-chan says," Ami said. Everyone stared at her, and  
she turned red again. Becoming 17 had not changed that habit of always  
saying such odd things at such odd times.

"Here she comes now," Minako said, leaning over me to stare out the window.

I almost spilled my tea in her hair.

"Oh, look. Chibi-Usa-chan is with her," Rei said, looking out the window as  
well.

Sure enough, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa came bouncing into the coffee shop. Of  
course all the other customers stopped them to tell them how cute they  
were, how absolutely precious, and would they like a free cookie?

I sighed, slapping my hand to my face.

"I want a free cookie," Usagi said, and she almost started crying, except  
that Rei leaned over and shoved one of my cookies into her mouth.

"Konnichi wa, Haruka-papa," Hotaru said, coming up to me. Minako leaned  
back so that she could climb into my lap.

"Konnichi wa, Hime-chan," I said, smiling, to her. "So what's this I hear  
about you telling everyone about this weekend?"

Hotaru looked at me, her large purple eyes surprised. "Ara, Haruka-papa,  
don't tell me you forgot about your anniversary with Michiru-mama?"

"So I've been told," I muttered, noting that she was picking up Michiru's  
habits. "When did Michiru tell you this?"

"She told me a while back, while we were cleaning out the attic.  
Setsuna-mama helped us." She said this last bit proudly, while eating my  
last cookie.

"What exactly did she say?" I asked. So I can know what she expects...

"She found her drawing book from high school, when we went to Mugen Gakuen  
Academy." She seemed preoccupied, not giving much expression when she said  
that she also went there. "Michiru-mama is a really good artist... Anyway,  
Michiru-mama was talking about how you first met when I saw one of her  
pictures of you. She had you running in a track meet, and she said that's  
where you met. Then after a while, you became Sailor Uranus.

"Michiru-mama said that you'd probably take her to the place that she felt  
the strongest for you..." Hotaru glanced up at me. "She said you would  
know where that was."

I stared blankly out the window. She couldn't mean there... After all,  
though it was where I had finally realized how much I cared for her, it was  
also full of bad memories...

 

The mirror reflected the dimming sunlight into her eyes. She shook herself.

"Tenoh-san!" the voice said.

She turned around to see the freckled girl, waving at her.

"We have a room set up for you! I hope you aren't leaving..." Her voice  
held a good deal of panic, and she smiled toothily. Haruka noticed without  
interest that her front teeth were too forward, and that there was a space  
between them.

"No," Haruka called back. "No... I'll be up in a minute. Take my things,  
please."

The girl nodded, then ran back inside.

Turning back around, Haruka stared at the sea. "Michiru... I wish you  
were here... with me..."

 

Tossing in her bed, she groaned as the nightmare taunted her. In her dream,  
she was standing in the middle of nothingness... It was so cold...

"Haruka... Where are you?" Michiru's voice said, laughing softly. She  
appeared in a white dress in the blackness. Her hair was tied back into a  
ponytail, and her eyes were vibrant with life.

"Michiru!" Haruka cried out, frantically. "I'm right here!"

"Haruka? Haruka?" Michiru's voice became slightly uncertain as she looked  
around. "Haruka, don't hide from me."

"Michiru!" Haruka ran towards her, reaching for her... and touched nothing.  
Michiru was gone.

"Michiru!" She awoke with a start, sweating. Breathing heavily, she looked  
at the clock. 1 AM. Groaning, she held her face with her hands.

"It was just a dream..." she told herself. Groping for it, her hands came  
upon the mirror on the night stand. Holding it to her, she closed her eyes,  
her body shaking. Bits of wetness fell onto the mirror, slowly, splashing  
silently then flowing down...

 

She finally got up, unable to sleep. Grabbing some clothes on, she went  
out of her room. The hall was empty, and the soft snores of men and women  
vaguely seeped through the cracks.

She went outside, to the refuge of the sea. The black waves shifted restlessly,  
as if sensing her confusion, loneliness, and hurt...

 

I led her off the helicopter. She was blindfolded, and she was wearing a  
white dress and her hair was in a ponytail. I wore a black tuxedo, one  
which she had told me that suited me well. Waving at Setsuna, I held  
Michiru's hand as we walked away. Setsuna smiled, and then the helicopter  
flew off, leaving us alone.

"Ara, Haruka," she said, "where are you taking me?"

"Shh, it's a surprise," I said, ironically thinking that it wasn't such a  
surprise, really. She knew where we were going, she could feel it.

She laughed. "I'm afraid that I'll trip soon."

"You won't," I promised. Not her... She was the graceful, elegant type  
that wouldn't trip if she were blind and walking in a quarry. She  
instinctively knew where to step and how to do it.

Opening the doors to the building, I took her inside. They swung silently  
shut, and our isolation from everything else was complete.

Her lips curved into a smile. "Ara... I guess I had better stop hoping  
that we were going to Hawaii, ne?"

I chuckled. "No, definitely not Hawaii... Maybe next year."

"All right," she said. 

I could tell by her tone that she really didn't care if we went there or  
not.

"As long as I'm with you..."

I almost stumbled myself. It was if she had read my mind, which really  
wasn't surprising. She knew me better than I knew myself.

"We're here," I said. Standing behind her, I undid her blindfold.

"Ara, Haruka..." she whispered, putting her hands to her face. "It's  
beautiful..."

We were there, of course... It wouldn't have been anyplace else... The  
Marine Cathedral, where the Talismans were found... Where she, as  
Neptune, had tried to protect me from Eudial... And had almost sacrificed  
her life. It had been abandoned after nearby neighbors had reported  
unusual events, labeling the project as spiritually disruptive- in other  
words, the place was haunted. It was really amusing, really, since the  
reports had came when we were battling Eudial here...

The Inner Senshi, Setsuna, Hotaru, and Mamoru had all helped me clean up  
the room we were in now, the one that had the organ that Eudial had  
pretended to play. Even the cats had leant a paw. In the center aisle was  
a small table, with several lighted candles. Two chairs were next to the  
table, which was draped in a white, silk cover. Behind the table was a  
piano. To the side of the table was a small dish cart, on which were  
several covered platters. Of course, the side panels on the wall were  
checked to make sure they were empty of darts and other unpleasant surprises.  
Through the stained glass windows came in white moonlight, which bathed  
the area with a soft, gentle, romantic glow.

"Arigato, Haruka," she murmured. "It's wonderful..."

"Thank me later," I said, smiling. "We've just begun..."

 

"Do you love the sea too?" a voice said quietly from behind her.

Haruka turned around suddenly, surprised by the familiar gentleness that the  
voice had.

She almost fainted for the first time in her life. The girl standing there  
looked so much like Michiru... They could have been twins.

"Mi... Michiru?" Haruka said softly, intensely.

The girl stared at her with a confused look, stepping back. "I'm sorry,"  
she said carefully. "Do I know you?"

It took her a moment to realize it wasn't Michiru... No. Her eyes were  
dark green, not the blue that Michiru's were. And her hair was darker  
than Michiru's, almost entirely dark blue... And her expression was one of  
naive faith, naive love for the sea, naivetÈ itself, so different from the  
worldly hope that Michiru had...

"Sorry," Haruka muttered, moving away from her, turning her attention back  
to the waves. "I thought you were someone I knew..."

"Do you love the sea?" the other repeated, not commenting on her sudden  
withdrawal.

"In a sense..." Haruka answered without thinking. "I loved someone who was  
like the sea... She _was_ the sea, personified..."

"Loved?" The girl's tone was unknowingly rude, loud, prying.

"She's gone now..." she said abruptly, realizing she should have not said  
anything. She didn't want to be next to this girl. She wanted to be alone.

"I'm sorry," the girl said suddenly. "I didn't realize that she had-"

Haruka walked away, quickly, before the silly girl could say anything else.  
She needed to be alone, in seclusion, away from everything...

 

She watched me with a tender expression on her face. It was a warm smile,  
and I colored slightly. Her plate was empty, her napkin next to it. The  
glass was half empty of the champagne that had once filled it entirely. Her  
hands were folded underneath her chin, her eyes thoughtfully fixated on me.

"Done so soon?" I said softly.

She laughed, without taking her eyes off me. "Ara, Haruka, we're almost  
done with all of the meal... It was all so delicious... Remind me to  
thank Mako-chan."

"What makes you think it was her?" I demanded, mocking innocence.

She smiled. "Who else can cook this well in all of Tokyo?" She tilted  
her head, still smiling at me with her gentle blue eyes.

Without warning, she took one of my hands into hers. "I love your hands,"  
she murmured. "They're beautiful."

We stared at each for a few seconds... minutes... hours... Time was infinite  
and undefined...

"I'm done," I said finally, putting my napkin down. I stood up.

She looked up, about to stand as well, but I shook my head. "Sit here," I  
said.

I went to the piano and sat down. There were no music sheets, but I had  
already long ago memorized the songs I would play for her. The piano had  
been tuned the day before, under my watchful eyes, so its pitches were  
perfect. Slowly, I began to play a lovely ballad, one that she liked so  
much.

She smiled, closing her eyes, letting the music wash over her. I couldn't  
take my eyes off her. It was a simple pleasure, watching her rest. After  
several songs, I stopped.

She opened her eyes, her smile kind, and she stood up. I stood as well,  
then put the stereo on the ground on top of the piano, after sliding the  
cover down. Pressing the play button, soft waltzing music began. She  
laughed.

"May I have this dance?" I said to her, bowing down.

"Of course," she answered.

She came into my arms, and I held her close to me. Lying her head on my  
shoulder, we began to dance, thinking only of each other. It was as if time  
had ceased to exist... and we were the only ones that existed.

"Haruka... I love you," she said softly into my ear.

I tightened my arms around her. "I love you, Michiru," I said quietly, as  
if my declaration would break the barrier of protection around us.

She smiled, lifting her head. She kissed me softly on the cheek, then  
rested her head back on my shoulder.

 

Morning had arrived. Haruka was surprised to find herself in her bed, in her  
own room. I must have came back and not remembered, she thought. Taking  
a shower, she got dressed and left the seclusion of her room.

She ate breakfast in the tiny dining area. Several other couples were there,  
eating and drinking and talking. She opened a newspaper that was lying on  
the table, folded up, all new and ready to read. She sipped her juice.

"Ohayo gozaimasu, Tenoh-san," a voice said uncertainly, though cheerily  
enough.

She looked up. That freckled girl again... "Ohayo gozaimasu," she echoed,  
though it didn't seem like such a good morning to her... Mornings had  
ceased to be good after Michiru had gone...

"I have a letter for you," the freckled one said quickly. She smiled,  
dropped a letter onto Haruka's plate, bowed, and left.

Haruka stared at the letter. No one knew that she was here... Only Michiru  
had said that she would have wanted to come here one day, and she had  
definitely not told anyone about their dreams...

Carefully, she opened it up.

"Tenoh Haruka:

Your presence is required at the beach house at 8 PM. Please attend.

Arigato"

No signature, the letter typed. Haruka frowned, leaving payment on the  
table, more than sufficient, and went to find the freckled girl.

"Where is this beach house?" she demanded when she found her. "And who sent  
me this letter?"

The girl blinked. "The beach house is a mile down the beach, still on our  
property. Gomen, I don't know who sent it. It was in the mailbox this  
morning when I checked."

"Can't you find out who's using the beach house?" Haruka snapped irritably.

"Uh, hai!" the girl said, blushing. She looked in the record book. "Ah,  
gomen! It just says 'booked.' No name or contact number."

Haruka sighed. This place... she thought. Turning, she went out on to the  
sand again, which was oddly empty. Should she follow the instructions...  
or just forget it...

 

We sat on the sand, outside the church. I was leaning back on my elbows,  
while she lay with her hands clasped behind her head. 

"It's so lovely out," she whispered. "The waves are happy..."

"You love the sea..." I said.

"Not as much as I love you," she laughed, not noticing that I was surprised  
by that.

"Haruka," she said after a moment. "Wouldn't you like to visit someplace  
nice, near the sea sometime?"

"I'll go anywhere that you want to," I said, smiling down at her.

She nodded. "I'm glad. I wouldn't want to go anyplace without you..."

She became silent, staring at the stars.

"Sometimes I have this urge to just go into the sea and swim forever...  
Without turning back, not afraid of what comes ahead..."

"Without turning back?"

"Hai... Ara, that's so silly... I could never leave you, Hotaru-chan, or  
Setsuna... and not the princess... I just want to try it some day..."

"I wouldn't want you to go," I admitted.

She turned her head, smiling. She leaned up, and kissed me on the cheek.  
I held her, and we watched the sea together, content...

 

"Haruka, I'm going for a swim," she told me. It was a few weeks later after  
our anniversary. We had become closer, if that was possible.

I glanced at the sky, feeling an odd sensation of revulsion towards her idea.  
"Are you sure you want to go?" I said. "It is sort of late..."

"Trust me, I'll be fine, baka," she said, laughing. She smiled, turned, and headed  
towards the water.

I smiled down at Hotaru, who was giving me an innocent glance, trying to tap  
down the uncertainty that I felt about Michiru swimming. Haruka no baka  
indeed. Michiru and the sea were connected; of course she'd be all right.

I reached down and patted Hotaru on the head. "Hime-chan no kawaii."

"You spoil her, Haruka," Setsuna said, laughing. She was in a chair, wearing  
a black swimsuit. Hotaru was wearing a cute purple one. I wore a bikini  
top, with an open shirt over it, and some shorts.

"That's what Haruka-papa said about you, Setsuna-mama," Hotaru said,  
not looking up from her sand sculpture. She was making a castle, but it  
wasn't like the type that other 8 year olds make. It was an elaborate copy  
of the one on the Moon Kingdom. Hotaru was inheriting Michiru's skill  
at art as well.

I laughed. "Hime-chan..."

Setsuna sniffed with mock disdain, than laughed too.

After about 10 minutes, I looked around for Michiru.

"Setsuna, do you see Michiru anywhere?" I asked, feeling uncomfortably uneasy.

Setsuna looked up, scanning the beach. "No... that's odd, I'd thought she'd  
be back by now."

Hotaru stood up suddenly, her eyes flashing. "Michiru-mama!" she screamed,  
then fell down, fainted. I caught her in my arms, shaking her.

"Hotaru-chan! Hotaru-chan!" I cried.

"Michiru-mama," Hotaru said instinctively, crying softly. "Michiru-mama..."

Setsuna was staring in horror at the water, which held no trace of Michiru.  
"She's gone..."

 

Everyone thought her to be dead. Naturally, it was assumed so. Search  
parties could find nothing, and Hotaru remained in a state of shock. Even  
Chibi-Usa could not coax her to play or leave the house.

As for myself, I was mentally torn... She was the rational one, the part of  
me that was irreplaceable. We were part of each other... And she was gone.  
Gone, gone, gone...

"Sometimes I have this urge to just go into the sea and swim forever...  
Without turning back, not afraid of what comes ahead..."

Is that what she did...? Swam forever, without turning back, just moving  
forward?

"It's not your fault, Haruka-san," Usagi said.  
"Hai, Michiru-san was always a strong swimmer..." Ami added.  
"No one could have thought that she..." Minako fell silent.

"She's not dead," I whispered. "She can't be..."

"Haruka-papa," Hotaru said in a tiny voice.

"Hime-chan," I said, smiling weakly at her.

"I miss Michiru-mama," she said, climbing into my lap. "Is she dead?"

I could only hug her tightly, while Setsuna watched...

 

Haruka started, looking around. She was still outside on the sand, staring  
at the waves. It was late, and the sun had already set. Had she been  
sitting outside for that long?

Looking at her watch, she realized it was about 7:40 PM. She had twenty  
minutes to answer the letter... or rather, twenty minutes to decide if she  
should answer it or not. What did she have to lose... And she did want to  
know what this was all about anyway...

Shimatta, she had wasted ten minutes deciding on the insignificant matter.  
But at least she knew that she was going to go. Standing, she stretched for  
a minute, then headed east of the cottagtel, towards the beach house.

As she neared it, she could see that it was fairly dark inside, with only a  
few lights on, suggesting candlelight, not electric lights. She could also  
hear the faint sounds of music that grew somewhat louder as she grew closer.

She paused outside two patio doors. That was... violin music? She opened  
the door and went inside. As she had thought, it was dimly lit with candles.  
To the side of the room was a small table and two chairs.

In the center was a girl playing a violin. It was dark, and her face was  
unrecognizable. She was wearing a dress that was billowing around her legs  
from the breeze that came in through the open windows. Her hair was  
blowing around her face. She gave no sign that she had seen Haruka come in.

Confused, and feeling a vaguely familiar feeling, Haruka sat down at the  
table. Someone suddenly put a blindfold around her eyes, giggling. A  
whispered, "Keep this on." That too sounded familiar... The person  
scampered away, a door closing in the distance.

The violin music ceased after several minutes. Footsteps moved closer to  
her and stopped next to the table.

"What's going on?" Haruka said to the darkness.

A hand closed over hers, and she felt her fingers being led in a sort of  
gentle dance. A dance she knew from before...

"I love your hands," came a gentle voice, a voice that had haunted her from  
so long ago.

"Michiru?!" Haruka exclaimed. The person removed her blindfold, and Haruka  
found herself staring at the green haired girl, who was wearing a sad,  
quiet smile on her lips. "You're alive?"

Haruka didn't wait for an answer. She hugged the girl tightly to her. "Is  
this a dream?" she whispered to herself.

"Haruka..." Michiru murmured back, crying. "It's not a dream..."

"How did you... Everyone thought you were..." Haruka stumbled over her  
words for the first time in her life.

"I was swimming when a large wave caught me off guard... I swallowed so much  
water and then a rip current got me... But by the time I realized that I  
had to get back, I was too far away..." Michiru's voice was soft, explaining  
what had happened that fateful day. "I finally passed out, and I didn't  
wonder whether I would drown or not... I awoke several days later, in  
a hospital, and I didn't know who I was... That's why I didn't come  
back after all that time... Several months later everything came back to  
me, and I came back to Tokyo... But you were gone... Hotaru-chan and  
Setsuna didn't know where you were... No one did... But I remembered  
that we'd always talked about going to someplace near the sea... And after  
searching for a while, we came here..."

"We?" Haruka murmured, feeling dizzy.

Michiru laughed. "Hotaru-chan, Setsuna, and myself... You don't think  
they wouldn't have let me off again by myself... or missed a chance of  
finding you..." She paused, then added softly, "They missed you... I  
missed you..."

They stared at each other for an eternity.

"I don't suppose you know what today is?" Michiru smiled.

Haruka gazed at her with something akin to wonder. "I haven't been keeping  
track..."

"Our anniversary."

"Has it really been a year...?"

"Much too long, Haruka... I'm glad we found you..." She gave a half-hearted  
attempt at a smile. "We were almost afraid we'd never find you..."

"I..." Haruka cleared her throat. "I thought I'd never see you again,  
Michiru..."

Michiru's hand tightened around hers. "I'm never going to leave  
you again..."

"The day before... that day... I bought you something," Haruka said, her  
voice low. "I was going to give it to you... I held onto it anyway... I  
guess now is a good time to give it to you."

She reached into her pocket and drew out a box. She gave it to Michiru, who  
looked at her questioningly, then opened it. She gave a little gasp.

Inside were two rings, obviously one for each of them. Both had an emerald  
and a sapphire, entwined.

"They're beautiful," Michiru murmured.

Haruka took one out, then taking Michiru's hand put it on her left hand, the  
ring finger, which was next to the other ring that she, Haruka, and Setsuna  
all had.

Michiru in turn took the second ring and slid it on Haruka's ring finger.

"There," Haruka breathed, relieved. "Now we're really a part of each  
other."

Michiru tilted her head, smiling. "We always were, Haruka... Through it  
all, we always were." She leaned up and gave the other a hug.

She pulled back after a moment, holding onto Haruka's hand. Tugging  
gently, she said, "I want to spend tonight with Hotaru-chan and Setsuna...  
As a family again."

"That was Hotaru-chan in here, wasn't it?"

"Hai... She wanted to be part of this."

They stood up, Haruka's arm around Michiru's waist, and they left the beach  
house together, towards where the sand and the waves met. And where Hotaru  
smiled in delight, running towards Haruka, calling out, "Haruka-papa." And  
where the four of them were together again... But most importantly, where  
the dreams of all of them could be renewed and reborn...

"Happy anniversary, Haruka," Michiru whispered softly to her partner.

And feeling free and unchained, Haruka smiled down at her, thinking that her  
memories would from then on be happy and full of laughter and would never  
haunt her again.


	2. Never Forgotten

Anticipation was in the air. The low buzzing of the crowd: a group of   
elegantly dressed people, who wore their long hair in coiffeurs, and   
their silk suits and dresses, their sparkling jewelry draped over them,  
and their practiced smiles of beauty...

The lights dimmed in the small theater, one that had been designed   
exclusively in the hopes that music as rich as the patrons would fill   
it... The night promised to fulfill that desire, if only for the   
extremely wealthy and  
socially acceptable...

The two musicians appeared on the stage, both elegant and graceful. The  
crowd murmured appreciatively of his black tuxedo and her soft blue dress.  
Both smiled politely, bowing. He took his place at the piano, while she  
prepared her violin, setting her chin against the rest.

As silence filled the theater, everyone waited impatiently for the music to  
begin. The man started to play, his fingers flying on the keys, a mere  
second nature to him. The other stood silently, eyes closed, poised and  
ready. The piano beginning was soft, beginning slowly. Then it increased  
to a rapidly paced allegro, though it remained gentle and quiet. The  
music then slowed back down, and then altogether ceased. He did not once  
look up, his eyes downcast, hitting every key with perfect self confidence.  
He paused, his fingers hovering slightly above the keys.

She took her cue, then with an air of unmistakable self assurance, moved  
the bow against the strings, her fingers deftly placing pressure on them,  
then releasing them, then pressing them once more. Beginning at a steady  
pace, the violin music, like the piano, sped up with an intensity, but,  
like a flower petal billowing down to the ground, gently ended. Silence.

The audience, somewhat disappointed that the two had not performed together,  
made ready to applaud nonetheless, for the music was really quite excellent.  
.. But they hadn't finished.

Immediately the two began to play together in a lovely duet, a song with the   
romantic feeling that had recently characterized their music together.  
Beautiful and strong, yet gentle and sad... _This_ was what the audience  
had been anticipating... After an eternity in a heaven of music, the dream  
ended, the audience brought back to earth. A standing ovation greeted the  
two on the stage, who smiled benignly, rather like two regal monarchs at   
their people. Flowers were thrown on to the stage, as well as phone cards   
and addresses of male admirers of the girl... Poor taste, in the estimation  
of the older ones in the audience, but not uncalled for... They left the  
stage, together.

 

"It was good," he stated, taking out a cigarette, lighting it, inhaling the  
ghastly smoke, then letting it out, sighing. He tapped some ashes from  
it into a tray.

"But not good enough," she retorted sarcastically. She moved away from him,  
hating his presence.

"No, not good enough," he agreed, his voice mellow, not really caring about  
her uncalled for fit.

She glared, turning around, not facing him. Staring into the mirror, she  
detachedly wondered if that was really her she was seeing... It couldn't  
be... But it was.

He snorted, inhaling more of the smoke, more of the nicotine. A filthy  
habit. "What are you doing? Seeing how gorgeous you are?"

"I'm not gorgeous."

"Right," he drawled sardonically. "You know you are; stop fishing for  
compliments."

She gave him another look. He really didn't understand. He may have been  
right. She _was_ very beautiful, at least on the surface. But underneath,  
she had long ago stopped having the self confidence that she exuded   
outwardly. She had never deluded herself, for she had always known that   
inner beauty was something better than outward beauty. The beautiful witch,  
who shrieked and screamed and plotted and hated... and the homely girl,   
who loved and helped and smiled with feeling. She would rather have been   
the homely girl, not the beautiful witch...

Not that she shrieked or screamed or plotted... But she hated. She hated  
with a deep intensity that had never been a part of her before. Hated  
everything... Hated her music, hated her artwork, hated those who had  
shunned her, hated _him_, hated herself... Hated _her_, for leaving her.  
Hated her for not having enough trust, not enough faith, not enough love...

"Stop thinking," he snapped. "Pretty girls shouldn't think; it ruins their  
temperament." He always knew how to insult her.

"And handsome men..." She said back, then paused. "Oh wait, I suppose that  
really doesn't apply in your case, does it?"

He glared, then started coughing. "I don't need this crap," he sneered.   
"I've been putting up with you for the last year... But I don't need you.  
There are others, girls with more musical ability in their _toes_ than  
you'll ever have!"

She didn't look at him. "Fine, go. I don't care..." I stopped caring a  
long time ago...

Gaping, for he had thought that she would have never let him go, he drew   
himself together, standing up. "Fine, don't expect me to forgive you when   
you come crawling back. I'm the best damn partner you've ever had, and you  
won't find another musician in all of New York as good as I am!"

Slamming the door behind him, he left her alone in the smoke laden room.  
She went to open the window, letting fresh air in. Outside, below, she   
could see people in the streets, talking about the previous concert.

My, weren't they wonderful? and Yes, they must really love each other to  
produce music like that and I can't wait for their next performance.

She leaned against the sill, listening. Something in her throat tickled,  
and she found that she was laughing. Not the pure, wondrous type that   
finds everything wonderful with the world... Rather, the demeaning type,  
that laughed at naivetÈ, laughed at ignorance, laughed at secretiveness.  
Oh, wouldn't they like to know the truth...

How she had never loved him... How she was never going to perform with him  
again. How much she hated them, the stuck up, arrogant type, always  
condemning, always thinking that they were so much better than everyone  
else...

It began to snow, suddenly, out of nowhere... Yet it didn't surprise her...  
It was more as if it _had_ to snow... Watching the flakes float to earth,  
touching and sticking, she remembered how she had always loved the snow back  
home... When snow clung to the ground, covering everything, there was   
something magical about it all... A purity that nothing else could achieve.  
And she remembered how angry she always grew when the purity of the clean,  
level snow was tainted by foot marks, by dirt, by mud... Something inside   
of her made memories of home flood over her, and she knew what she wanted  
to do.

She went to the phone, her hand poised over it, thinking, debating. Then  
realizing that this was how he always was, she picked it up, her fingers  
dialing a number that she had looked up on several occasions, always   
hoping, never doing.

A bored Queens accent. "Yello? What do ya want?"

"I'd like to buy a ticket for the next flight to Tokyo, Japan."

"Round-trip or one-way?"

"One-way, please," she said. Hanging up the phone when that was done, she  
went into the next room, where she proceeded to pack clothes and items  
into suitcases.

One-way... I'm never coming back here again... I'm going home.

 

"It's nice," she murmured, glancing around. It was a large apartment, with  
open picture windows, a balcony, and very spacious. But so bare...

"Are you interested in it, er, oh dear," the agent said, forgetting her name.

"Kaioh Michiru," the girl replied gently. "Hai, I'd like to rent it."

The agent's eyes widened slightly. She thought for a moment. "Kaioh   
Michiru, Kaioh Michiru... I've heard that name."

Michiru smiled painfully, hoping that she wouldn't remember.

The agent shrugged, then looked at the sheet. "It's 900,000 yen per   
month, dear."

"It's all right, money is no object," Michiru answered. "I'll take it."

 

For the longest time, everything was perfect. Absolutely perfect. It was  
as if I were in a lovely dream, a dream that I never wanted to awaken from.  
Not that I ever thought about it like that... Only in retrospect can I  
analyze on what happened to me, like a visitor from the future, destined  
only to watch, never to warn the one being visited.

I was not always so cynical. Really, I wasn't. There was nothing to be  
cynical about. Of course, I would not go as far as to say that I was  
innocently naive. But I didn't view the world with the bitterness, the  
emptiness that I have now inside of me...

But no one would care... No one would listen to me. That's the way things  
are; people live in a world where they prefer to keep everything simplified.  
Problems complicate things. Complications mean discomfort. Discomfort  
mars the perfect sphere of contentment that many have...

But, as I said, I wasn't always like this... And I hope, one day, that I  
can become who I used to be... That, with the naive hope that I so regard  
with contempt, that maybe someday... Something will make everything all  
right again... That I won't continue to torture myself from day to day,  
about what could have been, what should have been, what really was...

 

She cleaned the whole apartment from top to bottom. Though nice, it had  
been extremely dirty. She could have hired a maid... But she really   
didn't think anyone would do the job for her... And she really didn't want  
the responsibility of hiring someone... Besides, physical labor was   
comforting.

Wiping her brow, she looked around. It was clean, at least... But still  
so empty... Like how she felt inside... The only furniture were a bed  
and a dresser in her room, a single mirror placed on the wall there, a  
small table and chair in the kitchen, and a few kitchen items that she  
needed. She really didn't need all those things to clutter her apartment.  
She could have easily bought as many things as she desired to fill it; she  
simply chose not to. It wasn't as if there was any meaning in unnecessary  
items...

Her violin case remained underneath her bed, unopened. She refused to even   
look at it. Her painting tools were stored in a closet, untouched...

She would stare for hours outside the window, sitting on the sill, watching  
Tokyo live. She was content as people bustled about, working, moving,  
playing, _living_. Something she never did anymore...

 

I'll eventually have to confront it, no matter what. Avoidance is never a   
solution... It only puts off the problem... And it's something I have to  
do, no matter how hard I try to deny it...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She looked up at me, smiling. It was a very endearing smile, one that she  
only smiled for me. Reaching her hand up, she very softly brushed my cheek.  
I closed my eyes, leaning my face against its warmth for a moment.

Presently we heard someone calling us, and we looked at each. Shrugging  
sheepishly, she sat up, her head leaving my lap. She stood, brushing off  
grass from her pants. She extended her hand towards me, and I reached for  
it, letting myself be pulled up. We just stood there, holding each other.

Then a young girl with blackish purple hair came barreling down the path  
towards the tree where we stood. Giggling, she threw herself into Haruka's  
arms, yelling, "Haruka-papa! Michiru-mama!"

"Hotaru-chan," Haruka smiled. "Nani?"

"Setsuna-mama said to tell you that Michiru-mama had a visitor," she said  
cheerfully.

"A visitor?" I asked. I bent down, looking at her. "Who was it?"

"I dunno, Michiru-mama," Hotaru said, letting go of Haruka and tugging on  
my arm. "But Setsuna-mama said that the person said that you were friends  
before."

Haruka glanced at me with an odd expression on her face. It was apparent   
that she was minorly shocked thinking about me being friends with someone...  
Before we had met. We had known each other for a millennium, yet scarcely  
knew each other's pasts...

I smiled uneasily, forcing off the feelings of dread that I felt for some  
reason. "Ara, then let's go meet this person," I told Hotaru.

She grinned, nodding, scampering away, pulling me with her. Haruka  
followed at a somewhat slower pace, still absorbing what Hotaru had just  
said.

I saw her wearing an peculiar look on her face from the corner of my eye,  
but Hotaru's perky jumps dragged my attention back to the path. Haruka and  
I had been in a secluded area, behind the house where we lived with Hotaru  
and Setsuna. It was really quite peaceful and lovely there, and we spent  
hours sitting there, talking or just lying peacefully, watching the sky or  
simply thinking. We did that often, Haruka and I. I often felt guilty,  
leaving Setsuna to watch Hotaru by herself, but Setsuna understood, assuring  
us that our daughter was no problem at all.

Which she wasn't. While mischievous and energetic, she was a happy, carefree  
little girl, with no intent on causing any mishaps at all. She exhausted  
everyone else with her never-ending energy, probably from the cookies that  
Haruka shamelessly spoiled her with, but she was a well behaved child.   
Besides that, she never once expressed any anger or resentment at Haruka and  
myself being alone. She was a remarkably gifted, perceptive girl, who   
always knew that we loved her, no matter what. So we never had any difficulties  
with jealousy over the lack of attention for her; just in case, we all made  
up for it anyway, Haruka playing games with her, Setsuna expanding her   
interest in everything in the world, and myself, developing her natural   
artistic talents and reading books with her.

I always understood Setsuna... yet never did, all the same. I'm not certain  
that anyone really knew her. Secretive, yet openly honest, gentle, but  
with an underlying streak, happy though with a confusing feeling of pain.  
She knew everybody, on the other hand, always knew what someone was  
feeling, what a person was trying not to say, what they were thinking.   
She was always like that...

Haruka, I always knew. Arrogant, strong willed, cold... With us, she was  
hardly like that. Yes, she was always arrogant and strong willed, but   
Hotaru knew how to twist her around her little finger. Young girls always   
know how to do that to their father figures, which Haruka was... A born   
gift, if you will. I could make Haruka do what I wanted too, but it's not  
as coldly calculating as it sounds. For instance, we could be on our way  
to an important dinner, running five minutes late, and I could say that I  
forgot to put on make-up. Haruka would automatically drive to a cosmetic  
shop, where I could buy something to put on... I knew her better than she  
knew herself... Or so I thought I did, up to that day. And I know that   
she felt the same, until the minute she realized that she knew nothing about  
my past...

It was ironic, really. We'd been through so much together... We'd been so  
close... And like the sun setting at the end of a long, glorious day, so  
it was the same for us... A curtain drawn, shutting out the light, the  
beautiful warmth... What was about to happen would separate us forever, to  
this very day, where I am reminiscing about the past...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She shook herself with a start, realizing it was now dark outside. Lights  
shone in the streets and buildings of Tokyo, the city coming to life in the  
night. The night... Where she dwelled, now a creature belonging to its  
darkness, when she had once been a child of the light and the sun and the  
water...

A painful smile twisted her lips. This was when she could forget her   
troubles, drowning herself in the sights and excitement of the city, at  
night... Profoundly afraid of being discovered in daylight, she had   
restricted herself to the freedom of the black sky, sprinkled with bright  
stars. If you could call that freedom...

She stood up from the sill, moving into the bedroom. She undressed quickly,  
changing from the casual work clothes into a more sophisticated blue dress.  
But not too sophisticated. She preferred not to draw attention to herself.  
It had been years since she had left, of course, but one never knew exactly  
_who_ remembered what...

She held her hand mirror in front of her face, examining herself. Perfect,  
unflawed skin, pale, but too much so. Blue eyes, though bright, had lost  
the charming sparkle that she possessed when she was younger. Her hair,   
which she kept down past her shoulders, was soft, silky, seeming to flow like  
a stream. How she despised how she looked. Haruka had always said that  
she was very beautiful, and Michiru had believed her, fully. For she knew  
that Haruka was not only speaking about her outward appearance, but how  
she thought of Michiru on the inside... And that's what had mattered to her.

Make up? She thought distastefully on it... This, too, was ironic... When  
she was younger [only 3 years ago was it?], make up had been a hobby of hers,  
collecting cosmetics. One of pride on her elegant style and fashion, for  
she was assured that she was a good person, so why not concentrate on making  
her appearance pretty as well? It was a fun hobby, one where she could  
minorly indulge herself after pouring her heart into the violin, into her  
painting, into her family...

She didn't need it, she thought. Why try to make myself something that I'm  
not? I'll only hate myself more... She set the mirror down, ignoring the  
fact that it seemed to cry out to her to not leave it. It was a very  
special mirror, one that showed the truth, the virtue, the purity of things.  
She had only taken it as an after thought, having left behind an oddly  
shaped stick and a watch on which was engraved a symbol... Only the mirror  
had come, for it had compelled her to take it with her...

Her hand strayed to its handle. Picking it up, she stared at it with eyes  
fastened to its glassy crystal surface. At once, energy surged forward, to  
bring the image of something that flashed away in a second. She dropped it,  
and it fell to the ground with a clatter, shattering.

She was frozen to the spot, oblivious to the mirror's scream of pain at the  
moment it had hit the floor. She trembled, wrapping her arms around herself,  
thinking frantically. No... Haruka _wasn't_ here... It was impossible.  
And Setsuna and Hotaru had left... It had always been their dream to   
travel the world... And why keep roots in a place where things will not  
grow?

The mirror glowed, beginning to repair itself, slowly, very slowly. The   
pieces of glass lifted into the air, shimmering, attaching themselves to   
each other, much like a puzzle, until it finally resealed itself into the   
mirror base. It sighed, contented once more.

Forget it, Michiru, it didn't mean anything, she tried convincing herself.  
Just a bad memory, that's all the mirror showed... But she was not   
certain at all...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

We sat in silence, together, in the living room. Hotaru was shifting  
uncomfortably in her seat, and Setsuna coughed politely. Haruka was glaring  
aggressively at him, but he didn't notice, or at least he didn't show that  
he noticed. I was feeling extremely nervous, for no exact reason.

"So, Toge-san," Haruka said, her voice sharp, "you were Michiru's boy  
friend?"

I flushed, hearing the underlying, malicious meaning to her question. She  
hadn't said 'boyfriend', but that's what I knew she was asking.

"Hai," Toge said, ignoring the double loaded question. "We were very good  
friends when we were younger."

Haruka gave no response, staring at him with an intense loathing.

I didn't see why she was doing this. Desperately, I looked at Setsuna for  
some help, but she avoided my gaze. She knew that the tension was thick,  
knew that she should stay out of it, knew what I was feeling. A burst of  
resentment flared up inside of me, but I quickly extinguished it. It would  
do the situation no good if I became angry with Setsuna for not interfering  
in something she had no control over.

It wasn't as if I wouldn't have had any male friends before meeting Haruka.  
Yet Toge was no ordinary friend...

We had been very close, our families knowing each other and frequently   
entertaining our private social group. Left alone by the adults, we   
naturally became friends, companions, in order to retain that bit of   
clarity that was prone to be lost amidst a young 8-year-old's confusion.

As we grew older, we both changed, drifted apart, yet always still   
understanding each other. I thought of him as my brother, as he treated  
me like a sister. But Haruka couldn't possibly have known that.

All she saw was a very handsome man of 18, well dressed, short black hair  
neatly trimmed, serious, calm blue eyes. All she knew was that he was  
very wealthy, gifted at the piano, and, in her mind, a rival to contend  
with.

Why couldn't she see that we were only friends? Why this sudden possessive  
jealousy? Didn't she know that she was the only one who I could ever love  
like that?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unknown to me at that time, I myself was blinded... I viewed Toge as the  
brotherly figure that I had always admired. I never saw, or refused to let  
myself see, that he clearly was enjoying the challenge in Haruka's eyes,  
enjoying it and accepting it...

Why would Haruka do this to us? Why would Hotaru and Setsuna simply stand   
back and watch our relationship fall apart before their eyes? Why didn't   
she have enough faith? These are the questions I always ask myself, every   
night, never forgotten...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't like him," Haruka snapped angrily to me. We were outside, taking  
a walk together behind the house.

"Why not? He's a very nice person, once you know him," I said gently.

Toge was staying with us, being my old friend. He eventually explained how  
he had discovered my whereabouts, after I had... moved away from home. He  
found out that I was famous, and, after some serious searching, came to  
find that I was living here, with the other three.

"I'm sure he is," she said frigidly, "but only to you."

I tried laughing it off. "Ara, Haruka, it's as if you were jealous."

She didn't answer, seething in anger.

I stopped her from continuing, holding on to her wrist, firmly yet softly.  
"Haruka... Toge's only a friend, you know that."

She remained silent, and I realized that something was falling apart,   
something was off balance. Perfection was becoming flawed...

"You really don't see," she said flatly after a moment of contemplating.

"See what?" A brush of coldness touched my heart, looking at her. Her  
manner was cool, very impersonal.

"He's in love with you," Haruka said, looking away from me towards the wood  
in front of us. "It's obvious from his face. It explains why he came  
looking for you."

"Ara, Haruka, that's ridiculous," I said, automatically laughing. "He's  
like a brother to me."

Haruka shrugged, her blue eyes vindictive. I couldn't stand it. Couldn't  
stand seeing her like this, couldn't stand hearing her accusations,   
couldn't stand being around her. A shock went through me. Couldn't stand  
being around her? How could I _not_ be with her?

She was watching me with a carefully concealed expression. Sighed.   
"Michiru, gomen," she said, moving towards me, enveloping me in a protective  
hug. "I overreacted... again."

I smiled wearily, resting my head on her shoulder. "It's all right..."

"No, it's not," she retorted, holding me tighter. "I'll try liking   
To-what's-his-name..."

"Toge," I murmured, but without much feeling behind it. We stood quietly,  
just holding each other, not saying anything at all...

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't understand what had happened. Only a few weeks ago, she was   
reassuring me that she would try to like Toge... Only a few weeks ago...  
It was all over now... Funny how a few weeks can destroy everything   
you've hoped for, everything you've dreamt of, everything you worked so   
hard for.

She hadn't even come to say good-bye. That was what hurt... The fact that  
she deliberately acknowledged that I was no longer a part of her life   
anymore, that she hadn't cared enough to even _look_ at me...

I reached down, kissing Hotaru on the cheek, softly. She was crying, though  
she tried not to show it. What a brave little girl... My daughter... She  
didn't understood what was going on... Setsuna smiled waveringly, the  
first time I had seen her almost close to tears. I hugged her and she I,  
but I could feel the beginnings of a cold withdrawal... They were already  
removing themselves from me, whether instinctively or unintentionally, it  
didn't matter.

"Arigato," I whispered, not exactly sure what to say. How can you say  
good-bye to your family? How can you leave them forever?

Toge had an impassive look on his face, one I would have dearly love to have  
slapped off. I controlled myself though, for Hotaru and Setsuna's sakes,  
if nothing else.

I'd rather not go into all the little details... It makes me too depressed.  
But I gather you must understand, if only briefly, what happened.

Toge had brought news that he was going to America since he was going to  
give concerts there, having already established his name in Japan. He   
wanted me to go with him, a partner in his music.

I declined, of course. Why would I go with him, when I could stay in Tokyo,  
with my family, with my own beginnings of careers in fine arts? He didn't  
understand, though. After Haruka firmly reinstated my answer, that was when  
his facade of kindness disappeared.

Haruka had been right, after all... Toge was not the same person I had  
known from my past. Changed, cold, calculating... In one manner or another,  
in that deviousness of his which I still cannot figure out, he somehow  
managed to manipulate himself and I into a rather uncomfortable position.  
No, not that far, not even close. But far enough to make it seem like I  
was cheating on Haruka, which, after my defense of Toge, the refusal to  
believe what he really was like, after everything, she believed at face  
value. And even when she came later, about to apologize, I was too angry   
to forgive her...

Should I have been more understanding, more forgiving? Whatever would   
happen, we were supposed to be together through it all. HOW COULD SHE DO   
THAT TO ME?! She simply left, without a backwards glance... I can always   
see the cold eyes, the uncaring look of utter disdain... Since then, I've   
been dying inside, a little at a time... Her apology hadn't helped; it had  
only worsened the situation. Foolish not to forgive when I could have...  
For when I didn't forgive, she could not either, and neither one of us   
would admit our mistakes...

Toge and I drove away from the house. Hotaru and Setsuna watched us, unmoving,  
farther and farther away... I glanced towards the windows on the fourth  
floor, and I thought I saw some movement... A brushing of a curtain...?   
And as we moved down our new path together, he gave me a mocking stare, and  
a bitter anger rose inside of me as I suddenly realized, with a dismal hope,  
that Toge meant 'thorn.'

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

She didn't move, her eyes fastened on the headstone. After leaving the   
wonders of the city, she had come here... It was obvious that she would  
have... The city had begun to revive old memories, ones that would   
prefer to have stayed dead. Even after everything that had happened, she  
would always go there, no matter what.

The flowers in her hand broke as her hand clasped them suddenly. Wet tears fell  
from her eyes to fall on to the dirt.

"Dammit, Haruka," she whispered. "You never let me apologize... You never  
even let me say good-bye..."

The flowers fell to the ground as she began sobbing on her knees, leaning  
against the headstone.

Tenoh Haruka wouldn't have gone any other way... Dying in the midst of  
danger. Michiru had often been skeptical of Haruka's racing career, though  
she had supported her partner's decision to participate in those events. But  
after she and Haruka had split, something had happened to Haruka... Everyone  
knew it, though no one knew why. She grew more dangerous, tried to become  
even faster, dared to do what none had done... And in that way, she had died,  
in a race car accident, colliding into a wall.

Michiru had read in the newspapers that death had been instantaneous...   
Little compensation, she supposed. What was instant death? In order to   
know what instant death was, one had to experience death, did they not?

But this had all happened a few months after Michiru had left for America...   
She spent the next year absorbing herself in her music... No, not her music...  
_His_ music. Her best wasn't good enough. He had expected her to be what  
he had dreamed- perfect, flawless, wonderful. Which she was... But he   
didn't see it like that... He never did. The really ironic thing was that  
she was better at the violin than he was at the piano...

She simply went through the motions after a time... And she felt nothing in  
her music or her painting anymore. Felt dead and cold inside... But she   
had come back, back to Tokyo... A year and several months too late...

"Haruka," Michiru whispered softly through her tears. "I know you can't   
hear me..." She had long ago stopped believing in God and Heaven. "But   
please... forgive me... for I forgave you ever since that night when we   
fought... I should have never left you to go with Toge... It was stupid,  
and I didn't want to go..."

Silence.

"God, Haruka, why did this have to happen!" she yelled out into the   
emptiness. "Why the hell did you have to die?!"

It began to rain in the cemetery. It was lonely and wet and shiveringly   
cold. There were a few lone trees and a path that twisted along the   
graves... And there were hundreds of them everywhere, littering the flat   
land with their gray, barren markers. She didn't notice the rain that   
soaked her hair, soaked her clothes... She only felt a sort of cleansing...  
The purity of the rain... She closed her eyes, feeling no more energy  
left inside of her, simply wanting to sleep.

 

She awoke a few days later, unaware of what had happened or where she was.  
Looking around, she noticed that she was in a well decorated room, with   
a soft bed underneath her... And she was warm, she realized.

How did I get here? She looked down, seeing her mirror faintly glowing.   
It flashed an image of Haruka in her hands. She became violently angry,  
and she started to throw it do the ground.

A voice stopped her. "Please, Michiru, don't."

A quiet voice, one of rational reason and calmness and kindness.

Michiru didn't turn, though she slowly lowered her mirror to the bed.   
"Hotaru-chan?" she whispered.

"Hai, Michiru," a girl of a quiet seriousness in her eyes, short purple   
hair said. "I'm Hotaru."

Michiru gazed in wonder at the girl, who had matured to be about 16 in age.  
Apparently she had aged rapidly again while Michiru was gone... She was   
still remarkably thin, her eyes hiding a great intelligence, her face still  
young.

"I thought... That you and Setsuna..." Michiru's voice drifted off into   
confusion.

"Setsuna-mama and I came back, after spending some time in Europe, Michiru,"  
Hotaru said.

The older one, with some minor shock and hurt, noticed the difference   
between Setsuna-mama and Michiru...

"So this is..."

"Hai, this is my home."

Not 'our' home... 'My' home.

Michiru realized that she was quite mistaken in her first assessment of  
Hotaru. Eyes were intelligent and compassionate... But a cold, impersonal  
type of compassion. Kindness with a cool touch to it... A wavering, fake  
smile...

"We went to the cemetery to visit Haruka's grave," Hotaru explained, her   
tone fast, indicating her distaste in talking anymore than absolutely   
necessary. That cut, like a knife... Where had the child gone who couldn't  
wait to tell Michiru-mama anything? "We saw you there, so we took you   
home and took care of you... You had a very high fever."

"Where is Setsuna?"

"She's downstairs, making dinner." Hotaru gave her a hard, accusing stare.  
"...For you," she added, deliberately trying to provoke Michiru.

The older girl ignored the baiting. "That's all right. I'll be leaving in  
a few minutes."

Hotaru looked honestly startled, taken off guard. "In a few minutes? But...   
you just woke up. You'll get sick again..."

"It was a mistake to come here," the green haired girl murmured, very gently.  
She stood up, getting out of the bed. She picked up her dress that was lying   
on the chair, cleaned and folded. She changed quickly, though she felt   
physical pain in her body. "I know that... I'm sorry for making you and   
Setsuna have to take care of me... I won't be quite so stupid as to sit in  
the rain again."

"But you can't go!" the purple haired girl cried out, half in fright, half   
in anger as she watched Michiru get ready to leave.

"Hotaru," the other said softly, "I can tell when I'm a burden... It was   
just a big screw-up on my part to come back to Tokyo." Her laugh was a   
bitter one. She picked up the mirror from the bed, looking at it before   
putting it into her jacket pocket.

"You can't just get up and leave whenever you damn feel like it!" Hotaru   
shouted suddenly. "We took _care_ of you! You owe us!"

Funny how pain erupted inside of Michiru's body... She ignored the feeling  
of disillusion and pain. "So we're finally swearing, I see..." An inane  
comment.

That gave Hotaru pause. Finally she just screamed, "You can't go again!   
You can't just leave us again like you did before!"

Michiru froze, her arm that had been reaching towards the doorknob falling to   
her side. She felt sick, very sick in her stomach. She said nothing, the  
other said nothing, both were silent.

Hotaru began crying... She seemed like a little girl again, only 7 or 8...  
Back then, it was always Michiru who had reached her first, holding her,  
comforting her, whispering soothingly to her.

The impulse came, and she almost gave in to it. You can't, Michiru... No  
matter what you do, you can never return to the past... She turned away,  
opening the door, leaving. She went down the stairs, overwhelmed by  
feelings of remembrance.

She went to the front door, about to leave when a hand touched her shoulder.

"Setsuna." She didn't even need to turn around.

"Michiru," Setsuna whispered, "don't go. Don't run away again."

"I have to. It wasn't right coming here again... I disrupted your life and  
Hotaru's."

"Michiru, Hotaru _needs_ you. You can't leave without telling her why you  
left."

Michiru looked at Setsuna for the first time, a good one. Tall and quietly  
beautiful, she looked somehow older, different, tired.

"Didn't you tell her why?"

"No... I couldn't tell her something that even I couldn't understand."

"You know why I left!" Michiru's tone was accusing, angry.

"I'm not a mind reader, Michiru," Setsuna intoned softly. "I can only  
understand things to a point... But what you did was so...   
uncharacteristic, I was confused, I had no idea what you were doing."

From upstairs, Hotaru stood at the top of the stairs, and the other two  
looked at her. Her face was blotchy, her hair tangled. Michiru almost   
looked away again, but her face refused to move.

"Michiru, please don't leave," she pleaded, her eyes red. "Michiru-mama...  
Please..."

Michiru bit back her cry of distress. "Hotaru... I can't stay... Not with  
so many things that I still have to do, so many things you can't forgive me  
for..."

"I don't care... You can't leave me again!"

"Hotaru!" Michiru snapped. "You don't understand!"

The younger girl gave her an angry glare. "Then why don't you try   
explaining things to me?! Why do you try treating me like a child? I   
_know_ what death is, I _know_ far more than you think I do!"

Michiru felt herself becoming very tired, very drained of energy. Her  
voice was flat when she spoke. "Very well... If you want to know, I'll  
tell you... But I can't say I didn't warn you."

"Setsuna-mama," Hotaru whispered, running down the stairs. She went into  
the woman's arms, and Setsuna led them all into the living room. Michiru  
sat at one end of the table, her face pale, her eyes oddly, suddenly vacant.  
She really felt very, very tired. Resting her head on her hands, she was  
quiet as Setsuna and Hotaru sat down at the other end, waiting, watching.

When she spoke her voice was calm and controlled and emotionless. "When  
Toge came, I was very happy with all of you... I wouldn't have changed us  
as a family for anything in the world... But after he arrived, something  
changed... Haruka became distanced from me, in a way I still don't understand  
and I doubt I ever will. She thought, and quite correctly so, that he was  
a threat to us, but I didn't believe her. I thought she was just jealous   
and paranoid. God, I should have listened to her...

"Regardless, Toge asked me to leave with him back to America, which, as   
Setsuna knows, I refused. Then he began to change, to his manipulative,  
conniving self. He obviously knew that Haruka and I... were close, so  
he used that to his advantage. During the dinner party we had, he  
managed to bring me out back..." Her voice was emotionless. "And he   
arranged it so that Haruka would find us there, and she would think that  
we had been flirting, to put it kindly."

Hotaru had a strange, stunned look on her face; Setsuna was calmer, but   
shocked as well.

"Anyway, Haruka was very upset, to say the least, and she and I argued about  
for the next few days... I guess she had lost faith in me." Laughter, one  
filled with irony. "So I decided there wasn't anything I could do but go  
with Toge. To stay here would have destroyed me internally... I couldn't  
handle Haruka not loving me anymore. And I didn't want Hotaru to grow up  
in a home where two adults hated each other... So I left."

"But you came back," Hotaru said quickly.

"So I did..." Michiru's expression was serenely thoughtful, but mockingly  
so. "I probably thought that coming back could fix something between us.  
Michiru no baka. Haruka's dead, she's not coming back." Her voice fell  
to a faint whisper. "Dead, the idiot, she _died_ the way she wanted to,  
the way only she could have gone... Without even forgiving me, without  
letting me tell her how damn sorry I was..."

"Forgive you?"

"I left something out... The day before I left, she was going to tell me she  
was sorry, how incredibly wrong she was... I knew it, she knew it, we both  
did. But for some reason, I just couldn't forgive her... Some strange  
perversion said, "No, she didn't believe you at first, why should you let  
her get away with hurting you?" So I didn't... And she finally gave  
up caring.

"But in the end, I made the wrong choice, didn't I?" Michiru dug her  
nails into her palms. "I caused the death of the only one who I'd ever   
loved that way... and I abandoned the other two, who I loved, who needed  
me..." Her eyes were watery, but she controlled the tears, controlled her  
sobs by taking deep breaths.

"Now you know. Now you have reason to hate me." Control, stay in control.

"Michiru-mama," Hotaru said in a tiny voice, barely audible. "I couldn't  
ever hate you..."

"You... you couldn't?" the answer was equally soft.

"No, never..."

"Hotaru-chan..."

Hotaru ran to Michiru and threw herself into her arms, holding her, crying,  
telling her how much she loved her, while all Michiru could do was whisper,  
stroking her hair.

Setsuna went to their sides, watching them. When she spoke, her voice was   
soft. "Michiru... Please say you'll stay here. We need you."

Michiru shook her head. "I can't stay. It wouldn't work. I lost so much  
time."

"Michiru-mama, don't go, please stay with us forever, please," Hotaru kept   
murmuring inanely to herself, trying to hold onto a dream figure about to   
disappear. "Don't leave me."

"Don't cry, Hotaru-chan, don't cry," Michiru said into her hair, holding her  
tightly.

The mirror in her pocket began to radiate warmth, and in her mind she could  
hear a distant voice.

"Michiru. You must stay with Hotaru-chan and Setsuna. You'll be happy here  
again..."

Haruka?!

"Please, Michiru. They love you, as I do. Stay..."

Haruka.

"Michiru-mama?" Hotaru's whimper intruded.

"Hotaru-chan..." Michiru whispered. She looked up at Setsuna, who was biting  
her lip. "Setsuna..." Haruka... "I'll stay for as long as you want me  
to."

"Michiru!" Setsuna said, relieved, tightly holding the girl's hand.

"Thank you, Michiru-mama," Hotaru cried, burrowing herself in the other's  
embrace again, tears rolling down her face freely.

And they were together again, a family.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I often go visit Haruka's grave, wondering whether or not she can see me.  
It's hard, thinking about it, still, even after all this time. I've never  
met a single woman who touched me like she did... And I've gotten over my  
guilt...

When I take out my mirror, I hold it with me, and it shows me pictures of  
Haruka and myself together, happy, how we used to be. In that way, I   
finally understand what its original message was. It wanted me to be happy,  
like I used to be, by returning to Hotaru and Setsuna. And Haruka's voice  
from that day... A distant apology transcending death, a final wish for   
me.

Hotaru and Setsuna told me all about her, about how when I left she became  
violently depressive, almost crazy in her lust for danger. It was their   
way of telling me how she never forgot me, never stopped loving me. It   
helps, knowing that. Whenever I play my violin by myself, or paint a  
picture, I always think about her, and that also helps me, with moving  
on in my life.

I do hope that she is still watching me... I want to show her how much I   
still care, how much I'll always love her. In my heart, she will always be  
with me, through whatever troubles I'll go through, she'll be there... never   
forgotten.


	3. Love Me Again

I probably shouldn't have told her. After a quick glance, I definitely  
should not have told her. Face down, hair covering it like a drape, she  
is silent. No words come from her, only a tension in the air.

Finally: "You've really outdone yourself this time, Haruka."

"Neo-Queen Serenity?"

"I'm sorry, Uranus, reflex," the Queen says, sighing. She is disappointed   
in me, it's very obvious. Only a fool could not recognize the emotion so   
plainly written on her face. Her hands are folded in her lap, and she is   
staring at me, no, through me.

"And I suppose Neptune knows?"

"No, Queen, she doesn't."

Sighs. "Then it might work out still."

"Your Majesty?" I am unsure of what she means.

"You may realize that what is occurring between you and Neptune now is not   
what was meant to be. Your foolishness in your past led to this brink in   
your love."

I would be shocked by her flatness, her harshness, if I didn't know that  
she was saying it only because she wished to see me happy.

"Yes."

"You must go back and change it," she finally says, turning away.

"But..."

"Pluto will understand, perhaps," Serenity states. "Go now... You must  
pose as Tenoh Haruka, your former self, and correct what went wrong. I  
can only hope that you are successful, Uranus."

"Thank you, Serenity."

I turn and leave. Neptune is waiting outside of the door, leaning against  
the wall. She sees me but makes no move to greet me. I walk past her,  
and she nods coolly, rising, following me, but at a distance.

"What did she want?" Her voice is sharp, so unlike it used to be so many  
years ago.

"Why should I tell you?" My retort is equally biting.

She shrugs, eyes narrowing. Her response to so many things I say to her.  
The love of our relationship died out a long time ago... At least, the  
love we had. I still love her, but only her memory, how she used to be.  
When I look at her now, I feel nothing but a painful coldness, the same  
thing she feels for me. We hold no delusions about ourselves. We hate  
each other, now, all because of a misunderstanding from the past.

"I'm to see Pluto today," I say.

"What? Why her?" Her voice is suspicious.

"The Queen ordered it. You are to remain here with Saturn until I return."

"Very well." Her voice defrosts just a degree. She does love Saturn, like  
I do, as a daughter.

"Good-bye, Neptune."

She seems surprised by my formalness. It's only a simple visit, after all.  
Why such a finality to my tone, she is wondering. I smile. I hope never  
to see _her_ again, if all goes well.

"Good-bye, Uranus."

With a glance, she turns and walks away from me.

"Michiru..."

I continue on to outside of the palace, towards the Time Gate. Pluto is  
there, standing guard. She sees me, seems a bit surprised at my coming.

"Uranus," she greets me.

"Pluto. Neo-Queen Serenity has sent me to return to the past."

Pluto nods, briefly. "What time, approximately?"

I know the exact year, telling her. Her eyes widen as she realizes the  
impact of that year.

"The Queen supports this venture?" She asks, carefully. "She does realize  
that you could alienate Neptune even further by doing so?"

"She knows, as do I."

The senshi reluctantly hands me a key, pressing it into my palm. "Uranus,  
this is your way home... Just activate it by touching it and wishing to  
return. You can also use it to contact me if you need to. Try not to   
screw up, ok?"

She smiles, then lets go of my hand. Turning her Garnet Staff, she opens  
the Time Gate. I enter hesitantly, and as the doors close behind me, I  
hear her whisper, "Good luck, Uranus."

 

She looked around. Still no sign of her. She felt irritated. God, why  
was Haruka so late, _this_ late? She should have gone home after two   
hours, but no, here she was, still waiting after four.

She stood up. What a an idiot. Haruka hadn't changed a bit. She  
claimed she'd changed. Like the naive, stupid, hopeful fool she'd been,  
she'd believed her.

"This is what I get. Michiru, you need to get a life."

Walking to the bookstore nearby the park, she felt her blood boiling.   
Repeating the conversation over in her mind, she could still see the   
desperate, pleading look on Haruka's face, the words falling from her  
lips.

Stupid, arrogant, using, deceitful, bit-

"Michiru-mama!"

Michiru heard Hotaru's happy yell. She smiled as the young, purple haired  
girl ran up to her, throwing herself in her arms.

"Hotaru-chan," she laughed, bending down. "What are you doing?"

"Setsuna-mama sent me out to find you and Haruka-papa. Where is she?"

Michiru's smile wavered a bit. "I don't know, Hotaru-chan."

"She stood you up again?" Hotaru's voice dropped, her cheerful look   
vanishing from her face.

Her mother didn't answer, biting her lip.

"But she said she would change," the child said, on the verge of tears.  
"Did she lie?"

Michiru was at a loss of words. What could she say? Lie full out front,  
just to cheer her up temporarily? Or tell her the truth, dashing her  
hopes?

Maybe... maybe Haruka had a valid excuse for not arriving. It would be   
better to rely on that delicate, far out chance, rather than hurting the  
girl right then.

"No, of course not, Hotaru-chan," Michiru said reassuringly. "I forgot  
that Haruka said she'd be late, that she had an emergency."

Hotaru looked up. "Really?" Her whole expression changed. She laughed,  
full of energy again.

Michiru's heart broke, then surged with anger. Haruka better have a damn  
good excuse. She would never forgive her for hurting Hotaru, never.

"Run along home now, ok?" Michiru kissed Hotaru gently on the head.   
"I'll be home for dinner in another hour or so."

"Ok, Michiru-mama," Hotaru said. "Bye!"

Michiru remained crouched, balancing on her feet, watching the child run  
home. "Haruka... Liar... If you ever do this to me again, I'll make  
you pay."

 

She wandered around, getting the feel for the 20th century. It was odd,  
so different from Crystal Tokyo. She was wearing clothes that she'd   
worn when she was younger.

Younger... Serenity and Pluto had known that when she was sent back to  
the past, she would replace the Haruka of this time... Well, sort of.  
She was in her own body, just her 20th century one... It worked that  
way, sometimes. She wasn't too sure on how that worked out, but she   
trusted their ideas and knowledge on time traveling.

She went over in her mind on what had happened. This was the year in  
which she and Michiru had promised to make up, after what had happened  
before. But she hadn't fulfilled her end of the agreement, and Michiru  
hadn't ever forgiven her.

No one had ever understood what exactly had happened between them except  
for Setsuna and, recently, Serenity.

That previous year, Haruka had been obsessed with racing... Overly obsessed  
to be perfectly blunt. Her career suddenly became the most important to  
thing in her life to her... More important than spending time with Hotaru,  
Setsuna, or even Michiru. She gradually spent more and more time on the  
track, practicing racing. And gradually, she broke more and more of her  
meetings with her friends and family.

After she had missed her anniversary with Michiru, the other girl was fed  
up.

"I don't know what happened to us, Haruka," she had said. "But you're not  
the same person you were before. You love racing more than you love us."

"That's not true. I just need to concentrate more on this; this is my  
dream, you know that." Haruka's voice was low.

"Do I? When the hell are you going to start realizing that you have other  
responsibilities now? You've been ignoring Hotaru like crazy. She's never   
sure whether you can make her violin recitals, whether you're going to be   
there when she needs you." Michiru was angrier than she had ever been   
in her life.

"That's because I'm busy. Besides, I'll always be there," Haruka snapped.

"Really. What about Setsuna?" Michiru asked, dripping with sarcasm. "She  
has her dreams too, or have you forgotten? When is she supposed to have  
time to go to the lab if she's at home with Hotaru, because I'm away and  
you're never home?"

"Get a baby-sitter," Haruka answered. "God knows we have enough money for  
that."

"You see, you _have_ changed. Last year, you'd never dream of leaving   
Hotaru alone with anyone but us or one of the other girls..." Her hand went  
to her neck, where it touched the gold necklace Haruka had given her the  
year before. She unclasped it, holding it in her hand. Then, standing up,  
she violently threw it at Haruka. "Damn you. I hope to hell that your   
racing is enough to keep you happy, since I don't ever want to see you  
_near_ any of us again."

"You can't do that," Haruka said angrily. She shoved the necklace into  
her pocket, ignoring the pain inside of her.

"Want to bet?" Michiru smiled, her face completely void of any emotion.  
"I just have. If you ever try to even touch Hotaru, I'll swear to God  
that you'll pay."

She left. Haruka never even attempted to see any of them, concentrating  
only on racing. Several months later, she had met Michiru again, asking   
if they could start over. Michiru had reluctantly agreed, and things had  
been working ok between all of them...

Until... until she had been notified that she had a chance to become the  
best formula 1 racer in the world if she won the next few races. Then   
things had gone downward again, with the obvious reemergence of her need  
to be the best.

But the last time, Haruka really had decided that she loved Michiru more   
than racing... But by then it was too late. Michiru had refused to listen  
to her explanations, hating her for breaking her promises. Haruka hated  
her for not forgiving nor understanding her.

Hotaru had intervened, remaining in contact with Haruka, and they did things  
together, like a parent and child, which upset Michiru to no end.

In Crystal Tokyo, they were forced to work together again, as Uranus and  
Neptune. Their hatred for each other made them excellent rivals, even  
though they still worked well together. But that was a result of their  
feelings for their queen than any desire to get along.

"So I have to fix up what I did..." Haruka mused to herself then. She  
looked at her watch. "Shit..."

She then remembered that this was the day when she broke her second date  
with Michiru.

"Damn," Haruka swore. She remembered all too clearly the rage on Michiru's   
face that quickly cooled down to indifference.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, Haruka," Michiru had said to her alone,  
mockingly. "I guess you forgot all about us when you were racing, huh?  
I won't compete with a car for you again."

"You are such an _idiot_, Haruka. Why the hell did you let racing get in   
the way of your relationship?" she muttered to herself as she ran to the  
park, where she was supposed to meet Michiru four hours ago.

Michiru was there, reading a book, sitting beneath a tree.

She looks so calm, so pretty, Haruka thought, slowing down, stopping at a  
distance in order to watch the girl. She was younger, obviously, and she   
had a calm smile on her lips as she read, an expression Haruka had only   
seen on Neptune once, and quickly at that.

"Michiru."

Michiru didn't look up, a pained expression crossing her face. "I'm glad to  
see you finally decided to show up, Haruka. I was beginning to think that  
you wouldn't, at all."

"Michiru, I-"

"You were racing, right?" She closed her book sharply, her eyes downcast.  
"Forgot about the time. It's ok, I don't mind. I wouldn't expect   
anything else from you."

"No, Michiru, that's not it."

"Look, I don't want to hear any of your damn excuses," Michiru snapped,   
standing up. "If you forgot about our date, just say so. Don't lie to  
me again."

"Actually, I wasn't lying," Haruka interjected, mildly. She had forgotten  
how stubborn Michiru could be.

That surprised Michiru, the calm voice. She glanced at Haruka. Her eyes  
narrowed somewhat, studying her. There was... something different about  
her... What was it...? She looked the same, but something seemed out of  
place.

"Nevermind, it doesn't matter if you are or if you aren't." She felt tired.  
"I said I'd give you three chances, you blew this second one... I'll be  
honest. If you're going to screw the last one, you might as well do it  
now. I _hate_ being toyed with, as you know... Or used to know... So  
please, just don't waste my time."

Haruka grabbed Michiru's wrist. "Why? Don't you think I've changed?   
Don't you want to know if I have?"

Michiru gave her a cold look, eyes hard. "Let go," she said. "You haven't   
changed at all."

Haruka leaned down, kissing Michiru. She hadn't done that for a very long  
time, not being able to get near Neptune... Not that she had wanted to.  
Michiru remained very still.

"Michiru," Haruka said softly as she pulled away, "I swear that I'll make  
it up to you."

Michiru looked away, suddenly angry with herself, but still... Why was  
she feeling hopeful at the other's tone of voice?

 

"Haruka-papa! You're home! And with Michiru-mama!" Hotaru was pleased.

"Hi, Hotaru-chan," Haruka said, bending down to hug her. It had been  
so long since Hotaru had been such a little girl!

Michiru had a faint smile on her face that faded as Haruka looked at her.

Still pissed at me? Haruka wondered. Probably. You _did_ act like a bitch  
for the last year.

"How was your day?" Setsuna asked, coming in from the kitchen.

"Uh-" Haruka was startled for a minute to see Setsuna. She told herself  
that this wasn't Pluto in the future... Setsuna from the past.

"Something came up, so we didn't go out," Michiru murmured.

Setsuna nodded, glancing at Haruka with a worried face. Setsuna was the  
one who still believed in her, after all, not Michiru. Later, Haruka   
recalled telling everything to a colder Setsuna, who had eventually   
forgiven her. Ironic, that... But Setsuna wasn't the one Haruka had   
hurt...

"I'm not feeling very well, Setsuna, so I think I'll skip dinner and go  
to bed." Michiru smiled wearily.

"But, Michiru-mama, you like Setsuna-mama's pasta," Hotaru protested.

"Shh, Hotaru-chan. Michiru-mama is tired, let her rest," Haruka murmured.

Michiru looked surprised for a moment, then shook her head, saying good  
night and heading up the stairs.

Haruka watched her go, wondering how the hell she was supposed to make   
everything right again.

 

"Pluto," Haruka said, lying in bed, talking to the key.

"Uranus?" Pluto's voice was distant. She laughed shortly, her voice becoming  
clearer and more audible. "This reminds me of my conversations with Small   
Lady... Only you're not calling me Puu."

Haruka grinned in the darkness. "I can do that, if it makes you feel   
better..."

Pluto laughed again. "No... That's all right... So, how are things between  
you and Neptune? I mean, Michiru?"

"I'm not sure," Haruka answered truthfully. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed  
to get to her that I do want to make up. Dammit, why did I screw up so  
badly?"

"You were young, foolish, took her for granted," Pluto supplied. She  
sighed.

"So what do I do? She really told me off today..."

"I..." Pluto paused, controlling her voice so that the sly idea in her  
mind would come out perfectly serious. "I guess you'll just have to   
woo her."

"WOO her?!" Haruka sputtered. "That's such a... 20th century thing!"

"You _are_ in the 20th century," Pluto said, amused. "And this _is_  
the Michiru you knew before."

"She didn't expect me to do this type of thing for her," Haruka muttered.

"That was before you screwed up."

"Yeah, yeah... Anyway, I was thinking... Suppose I do make everything   
right again? When I leave, won't my present self just mess up what I   
fixed again?"

Pluto was silent. "No... I don't think so. Remember how you told me you  
realized that you loved her more than racing? If you manage to fix   
everything by that day, then leave afterwards, your present self should  
assume that Michiru forgave her, than go on living like you still loved  
each other."

"Isn't that a paradox though?" Haruka asked, staring at the ceiling. "I  
mean, I'll _know_ that I went to the past to right everything..."

"That's why time travel is tricky," Pluto sighed. "This is what Serenity  
and I talked over... Supposedly, at a certain point in your future, you'll  
remember that this happened, remember that you in the future did go back  
to set things straight. Therefore when you come back, you'll still know  
what you did without creating a whole paradox... And this is retroactive  
too..."

"This is all assuming that I _do_ get Michiru to love me again, right?"

"Yes... Assuming you don't mess things up even more..."

"Will you remember this?"

"Yes. You, Serenity, and I should be the only ones who know this happened,  
regardless if you succeed or not, since we were all involved."

"Ok... I guess that's all... Thanks, Puu..." She yawned, feeling tired.

"Go to sleep, Uranus," Pluto said, and Haruka could almost see her grinning.

 

She's ignoring me, Haruka thought, watching Michiru. The girl was reading  
another damn book...

Taking her to the beach hadn't done too much. She simply read, not swimming,  
not talking, not doing anything but looking at the words.

They were alone, in a private area that Haruka recalled from her younger  
days. It was still there, and that pleased her in some odd way.

"Michiru?"

She looked up, smiling in an insincere way. "Yes, Haruka?"

"Why aren't you swimming or doing something?"

Michiru looked away. "I _am_ doing something. I'm reading this book. It's  
very good, you should read it sometime..."

"Fuck the book, what's the real reason?"

"You swear too much," Michiru said, idly, flipping a page.

"And you don't?"

"Only around you," she laughed.

"Uh huh... And why do I get this special treatment?"

She stopped laughing. "You know why."

Haruka felt irritated. "I said I'd changed."

"And I don't believe you," she answered matter-of-factly.

"You said you'd give me one more chance though," Haruka said, irritated.

"And I'm waiting for you to screw it up, so I can have you out of my life."

That stung. Haruka fell silent.

"What if you're wrong?" She finally said.

"I'm hardly ever wrong, you know that." Michiru said that with bitterness.

"You've been having different thoughts since last night, I see."

"Maybe."

That was such a childish response that Haruka couldn't help but laugh. The  
green haired girl smiled slightly, recognizing her immaturity as well.

"You're so cute sometimes, Michiru," Haruka said. She threw a rock into  
the waves.

Michiru was quiet. That was such an odd thing to say. "You're so cute  
sometimes..." It sounded like something Haruka would have said before,  
before her obsession with racing.

She set her book down, taking off her collared shirt. She got on her feet,  
heading towards the water.

"Going swimming?" Haruka called.

"Yeah." Her answer was short.

"Can I join you?"

"If you want."

Haruka followed Michiru. The other girl walked straight into the water  
without testing it. She was like that.

Haruka frowned, putting her foot in the waves. She pulled back. Damn, that  
was _cold_. Michiru was absolutely insane if she expected her to get into  
the water... Then again... Maybe she didn't want Haruka to swim with her.

"Here goes nothing," Haruka muttered to herself. She went into the water,  
shivering like mad at the coldness.

Michiru was meanwhile floating on her back, staring at the sky. Haruka  
swam over to her.

"Lovely, isn't it?" Michiru asked.

"It's too damn cold," Haruka said.

Michiru smiled. "You wanted to come."

"Only because of you."

The other frowned. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that."

"Why not? It's true."

Michiru rolled over, swimming beneath the water. Haruka watched her swim  
away, feeling angry and hurt.

I can't get to her... She's still shutting me away...

Haruka, why are you doing this to me? God, I can't bear to be hurt again  
by you... Just leave me alone.

 

Setsuna noted the mixed expressions on the faces of the two girls as they  
arrived home. Michiru immediately went to her room.

"Hotaru-chan, why don't you go outside to play?" Setsuna told the girl  
gently.

Hotaru nodded, sensing that she shouldn't protest. She ran out the door,  
calling a greeting to Haruka on her way out.

Haruka nodded, seeming not to notice her.

"Haruka?" Setsuna asked quietly.

"Damn!" Haruka suddenly slammed her fist against the wall.

"Haruka, calm down!" Setsuna yelled.

"Damn," the other repeated, this time softer. "She won't listen to me...  
She's not even going to give me another chance."

"She's scared, Haruka. She doesn't want you to hurt her again, like you did  
last time."

"Yeah? Well, I'm scared too... God, if I lose her again..." Haruka meant  
losing her again like she had last time... In the future, Neptune was gone  
forever from her.

"Don't give up," Setsuna said, taking Haruka's words as meaning the year  
before. "God, you better not give up on her... I won't forgive you if   
you do."

"Setsuna."

"I mean it," the other whispered. "Giving up means that you don't give a  
damn about her."

"That's harsh."

"It is." She said it with such finality that Haruka nodded. "Now, get  
ready for dinner... And call Michiru down while you're at it."

 

"Michiru?" Haruka called, knocking on the girl's door.

"Come in, the door's unlocked."

Haruka opened it, going inside. She closed the door behind her, looking  
around. It was as she had remembered it. White walls, sea green curtains,  
a neat bed, table, chair, dresser, everything... Tasteful, elegant, simple.

Michiru was in the bathroom, she guessed, as she walked over to the dresser.  
She noticed a picture. Picking the frame up, she saw that it was a picture  
of Michiru and herself, standing near a balcony that overlooked the ocean.  
They were smiling, both visibly happy.

If she kept this picture... Then, she probably still could work things out  
with her, right?

"Setsuna-" Michiru's voice stopped.

Haruka set down the picture, turning around. Michiru was wearing a blue  
collared shirt and white shorts, her hair wet, a white towel around her   
neck.

"Oh, Haruka, it's you." She said that with such an empty tone...

"Dinner's ready."

"I'll be down in a few minutes, I have to dry my hair." She sat down on  
her bed, doing so.

"Here, let me do that for you," Haruka said, going to her and taking the   
towel from her.

"No, you don't have to," Michiru protested sharply.

"It's ok." Haruka sat down next to her, carefully drying the green hair.

Michiru was silent, again. Haruka would have found it embarrassing, if not  
for the fact that both of them thought of her act as more than simply nice.  
It was in a very loud way, intimate.

Haruka heard her sigh, softly, then close her eyes. That was good... She  
hoped. At least she wasn't fighting her.

"Michiru?"

"Yes?" Her answer was bland.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tomorrow night."

"Why?"

Michiru could be extremely snotty when she wanted to... Which she definitely  
wanted to be right then.

"To eat."

The answer was plain, sharp and checking. To reinstate Michiru's deliberate  
immaturity.

"Fine, what time?" She had acknowledged that Haruka had won their short,  
tacit battle, one sophisticated enough to not involve yelling or physical  
hurt.

"Be ready about 7," Haruka answered, inwardly relieved. "Wear fairly formal  
clothes. Sea food restaurant..."

Michiru laughed suddenly, smiling in spite of herself. "You seem to be   
trying pretty hard, Haruka."

Haruka stopped rubbing her hair. She leaned forward, kissing Michiru on the  
head. "I'm not the one who's not making this work."

Michiru froze. "Haruka..."

Haruka folded her arms around her, holding her tightly. Michiru found herself  
leaning back into the embrace.

"You smell nice," Haruka whispered.

"You feel nice," Michiru murmured, not thinking. She always felt so safe  
in Haruka's arms.

Haruka smiled. Obviously Michiru still had _some_ feelings for her... And  
after tomorrow, she might have forgiven her completely.

"Michiru-mama?" Hotaru's voice was outside of the door, accompanying her  
light tapping.

Michiru pulled away, realizing what she was doing. "I'll be right there,  
Hotaru-chan."

She waited until she heard Hotaru running down the stairs before she turned  
to look at Haruka.

"Thanks, Haruka," she said quickly, blushing. Then seeming to think she   
might have sent the wrong message, added quickly, "For drying my hair."

"No problem," Haruka said, wondering why she was so nervous all of a sudden.

"Right." Nervous, so damn nervous. She threw an unreadable look at Haruka  
before opening the door and leaving the room.

Haruka remained sitting, holding the towel in her hands. Ok, so maybe...  
Maybe what? What did this... all mean?

 

"She seemed relaxed after I dried her hair," Haruka said, staring out the  
window at the moon. "But then she suddenly turned cold... Well, not cold,  
exactly... She seemed frightened of me... Or maybe she wasn't... God,   
what the hell am I supposed to know what she's feeling? She never talks   
to me anymore."

Pluto sighed. "She does have feelings for you still, apparently."

"I know _that_. But I don't understand why she keeps changing moods."

"Time of the month?" Pluto's tone was amused.

"Nah, she's always the second week of the month," Haruka said absently,  
tapping her finger on the window sill. "Same as me."

Pluto made a choking sound.

"Something wrong?"

"God, Uranus, you sound so much like an insensitive _guy_ when you say  
that!"

Haruka glared into the darkness angrily. "Guys don't have periods."

She laughed. "I should hope not."

"Anyway... What's your real take on her?"

"She's fighting herself," Pluto said presently.

"Come again?"

"Uranus, you know you're not that dense, even if you _are_ a blond."

Haruka snickered, turning around to face the empty room. "Well aimed,   
Puu. Ok, fine, you know I know this, I just want to be reassured that   
you think I'm right."

"You're right."

"That's it?"

"What do you want?"

"More of an explanation would help," Haruka said sarcastically.

"Face it, Uranus, you're more of a guy than you'll admit."

"I can prove otherwise."

A gasped choke. "Noooo... That's ok. Anywaaay... Serious, now, ok?"  
Pluto's voice was silent for a minute. "She loves you, but she doesn't  
want to admit it, because she's worried that you'll just take that chance  
to shove it in her face."

"She says she wants me to screw up so she can get over it..."

Pluto whistled. "Wow... Neptune shows her dark side."

"Pluto..."

"Ok, ok. That's pretty bad, though, truthfully. I've never known her to say  
anything like that."

"Not to _your_ face," Haruka said ruefully. She laughed. "In the future,  
she's said quite more than that to me..."

"I'll bet." A cynic's reply.

Haruka could hear footsteps in the hallway. A light turned on from another  
room, she could see the glow from underneath the door. Then, quiet, gentle  
singing.

Michiru and Setsuna singing to Hotaru to sleep... Haruka opened her door  
slightly, leaning against the wall, listening.

"You and Michiru are putting Hotaru to bed," Haruka said, quietly. "You  
sound really good together... Wonder why you never joined a chorus?"

"We did that quite a lot to Hotaru..." Pluto sounded vaguely wistful,   
remembering her past with the others.

"She sounds lovely," Haruka said, her voice distant.

"You'd think so." Pluto smiled to herself. "You're really a softy at heart,  
aren't you?"

"Wait a minute-" Haruka said, startled, shutting the door again.

"Don't wait a minute me... You're always going mushy on me when you talk  
about her."

"I've been reading Hallmark cards, that's all," Haruka snapped irritably.

"Riiight... Good night, Uranus."

"Pluto..."

No response from the key. Since when had Pluto gotten an attitude? Haruka  
reflected. Maybe she'd always had it... Probably.

"Well, at least now I know that I'd better think twice before picking a   
fight with her..." she mused aloud.

 

"It was a lovely dinner, Haruka." Michiru folded her napkin, placing it on  
the table. "Thank you."

Haruka smiled, though inwardly she was groaning. Thank you, thank you,  
thank you. I don't want your damn thank you's.

Well... Michiru was much more relaxed, that was a point in her favor. She  
had on a pretty green dress, the type with straps, green stones in her  
ears [though Haruka wasn't about to guess if they really were emeralds or  
not, since they very well could be, but why should she think Michiru would  
care enough about this date to make that gesture?], and a gold necklace,  
thin, with a green crystal hanging at the end of it.

Haruka herself was wearing a white sports jacket over a blue shirt, and   
white slacks. She chose not to wear her hooped earrings, for no reason in  
particular other than the fact that she simply didn't feel like it.

Michiru sipped her drink, wine. It was her third glass, but they were small  
glasses anyway, and she was used to drinking without getting drunk. Still...  
Even with glasses that size, she never drank more than one, perhaps two  
at the most. She seemed preoccupied, not really paying attention.

"Something wrong?" Haruka inquired, slightly annoyed.

"No, not at all, why?" She didn't even look at her when she answered, her  
voice vague and quiet.

"Could have fooled me."

"Hmm."

"Michiru, what _is_ it?" Control yourself, you don't want to push her away  
any further do you? Enough's enough though...

"I keep thinking about how this... reminds me of us before," she said   
slowly, staring into her glass, smiling, but not really.

"And...?" That's bad? That's good? What? Why don't you talk to me?

"And nothing... That's it." She made a face, looking up again. "Damn,  
I hate being here."

Haruka tried to grab hold of her mixed feelings, but it didn't work.   
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Michiru looked startled. She smiled, a real one, amused. "No... I   
mean, I don't mind being with you, I hate being stuck in a restaurant."

"So you don't mind my company?"

"No." Her smile fell a little bit. "That's funny, I suppose, but it's  
so... nice being with you now."

"So you admit that I have changed?"

"Changed?" Her eyes searched Haruka's. "I wouldn't say that... But   
there's something different about you..."

I'll say. Tell her that I'm really from the future, only replacing the  
myself in the past until I can set things straight? Right, she'd   
probably laugh at you, or slap you, or say she'll never see you again.

Haruka put her hand over Michiru's. Michiru had a puzzled look on her  
face that quickly faded into one of embarrassment. She was blushing   
again.

But it was Haruka who pulled away first. "I'll be right back."

"All right."

Haruka stood up, heading towards the bathroom. Just before she got there,  
which was far away from their table, she changed course and went out one of  
the doors, marked for smokers.

Fortunately no one was outside on the balcony. She hated smoke; she just  
needed to think.

God, what am I _doing?_ she wondered frantically. Are you falling in love  
with her again?

What do you mean? I've always been in love with her.

No... Are you falling in love with her now, as in the Michiru of the 20th  
century? You can't do that... You won't be able to be with her. You have  
to return to the 30th century.

Wait... What the hell are you thinking? She's the same person, past and  
future.

Or so you hope... If you mess up, you'll never see _this_ Michiru again.   
And even if things do turn out right, what makes you so certain that she'll  
be the same in the future? People change... Things change... Life changes.  
So don't go falling in love with her here, when she's young. You're not  
a part of her real life here; you don't belong here.

Haruka shuddered... No, her stupid rational side was wrong... But right,  
all at the same time.

_Was_ she falling for Michiru... a different one? But this was the one she  
knew so well... Or used to know.

You're 1000 years older... She's still 20... What are you trying to pull?

I have no idea...

 

Michiru's face was turned away from hers, though it was resting on her  
shoulder. They danced slowly together.

Michiru had protested at first, not wanting to dance, but Haruka had  
taken her hand, and she couldn't refuse.

"Michiru?" Haruka murmured.

"Yes?" Her voice was soft.

"This isn't that bad, right?"

Michiru laughed. "That's so unlike you... To be unsure."

Haruka tightened her arms around the other. Michiru smiled into her  
shoulder, turning her head to face Haruka's face. She closed her  
eyes, sighing.

They continued dancing. When the music stopped, Haruka pulled away,  
expecting them to stop as well. Surprisingly, Michiru didn't let go.  
Instead she moved closer to Haruka.

"Don't let go... Let's just keep dancing, please..." Her request was  
quiet but desperate.

Haruka nodded as another slow song began. "I won't... ever."

 

They walked along the beach together. It was minorly chilly, but neither  
seemed to notice.

"We used to do this a lot," Haruka said finally.

"Yes... It was nice... This is nice."

She wanted to say something else, but she didn't have the courage. She  
wanted to tell Haruka that... Tell Haruka... Say...

"Michiru?"

She took a deep breath. "Haruka... This has been a wonderful evening, I  
mean it... But... do _you_ mean this?"

"What?"

"You're not going to go back, are you?" Her voice was desperate, worried.  
"You really want to make things work again?"

"Michiru-"

"Because if you aren't..." Her face was downcast, her eyes closed tight,   
near tears. "Just say so... So I don't make a fool out of myself. I   
don't know why you suddenly changed after that day last week... But,  
please, stay this way."

Haruka didn't know what to say. "Do... you love me still, Michiru?"

"Stupid," Michiru whispered, wiping her eyes with her hand. "What a stupid  
question to ask. You already know, otherwise why would you even pretend  
to try?"

She was shivering.

"Here," Haruka said, taking off her jacket. She placed it around the other's  
shoulders.

"Thanks," Michiru murmured. She was angry for having said those things,   
Haruka knew.

Haruka kissed her on the cheek, quickly, gently. "I'm serious, Michiru.  
I won't let you down again."

Michiru's hand found hers, holding on to it tightly.

I _am_ falling in love with her here... I don't ever want to leave her...  
I can't leave her...

 

"There's been a bit of a problem, Serenity," Pluto said, biting her lip,  
glancing at the queen.

"With regards to Har- Uranus?"

"Yes... I've been talking to her... And I get the feeling that she's  
growing attached to Michiru."

"Is that bad?"

"Normally... no. They _are_ lovers, of course, they had been, until that  
year... But I get the feeling that it's going to be hard for Uranus to  
leave the 20th century."

"I see..."

"Not very pleasant work... Her relationship is growing dangerous. She has  
another three days to spend there before she must return."

"Does she know this?"

"No... I haven't told her yet..."

"You must, of course."

"I know, Serenity... But I'm afraid she won't take it easily..."

 

Haruka watched her sleep. She was peaceful, when she slept. Her face was  
soft, gentle, much like a child in some respects. She placed her hand on  
her face, feeling the warmth.

"Uranus."

Pluto... Carefully, Haruka got out of the bed, dressing, and exiting the  
room.

"What is it?" She was minorly annoyed at being interrupted.

"Things went well?"

"Yes, very."

"Uranus, I must know if you are... involved with Michiru?"

"Of course I am," she snapped irritably.

"In all respects?"

"In all respects."

"I was afraid of that..."

"Why do you say that? Aren't you glad? Everything's fine now."

"Uranus... you _do_ know that you have to return to the 30th century."

The statement was like a splash of cold water on her. "Return..."

"Yes... Actually, in 3 days." She tried to keep her voice controlled.

Unfortunately, Haruka didn't seem to care about that problem. "3 days?!"

"I see... So you never thought about actually coming back, had you?"

"Yes, I have..." she answered. "But... I didn't think that I would..."

"Never thought you really would have to?" Pluto said. "But you must."

"Why?" Haruka asked, very softly.

"If you don't, you may very well have disrupted the balance... Too much  
has already been set up for you to come here in the first place."

"You don't understand... I love her... I can't possibly leave her."

"You have 3 days."

"Compared to the rest of my life..."

"Uranus... You must face reality. While right now you are in your 20th  
century body, you're much older than that... Much older."

"So?"

"You're not being realistic."

"I don't care."

"Uranus!"

"Leave me alone."

"What about the future?"

Haruka didn't respond.

"What about all of us in the future? Don't you care what happens to us?  
The Queen, the king, the princess... Mercury, Mars, Venus, Jupiter...  
Saturn, myself... Neptune."

"But I _can't_..."

"I can't change your mind, Uranus... But you need to stop being so selfish.  
What about yourself, your 20th century self? Doesn't she need the chance  
to live too?"

Haruka sank to the ground. "I..."

The key's light faded, leaving her alone in the darkness of the hallway.

"Haruka?" Michiru sounded worried, standing near the door. "What's wrong?"

She looked up at her, seeing her so young and caring and pretty... She  
stood up, taking her into her arms. "Nothing. Let's go back to sleep."

 

"What about the future?"

"Huh?"

Michiru looked down, pulling on the gold necklace around her neck. "Haruka,  
why are you so... distant?"

"Was that a joke?"

Michiru smiled briefly. "No... I wanted to know what you were planning  
on doing later..."

"I don't know..."

"You have a racing tournament tomorrow," Michiru said, uncertainly.   
"You've been practicing for it for weeks."

Had she? Since she had arrived, only five days ago, seemed like forever,  
she had been concentrating only on Michiru. But... if she screwed her  
racing career, she wouldn't have much of a future either... would she?

"I know..."

"You're going, right?" She sounded somewhat fearful, though she had reassured  
herself that Haruka _had_ changed... She wouldn't become fully obsessed  
with racing again.

"And you're coming, right?" Haruka returned, smiling.

"You... haven't asked me to come... to a race for a long time..."

"I'm asking now."

She smiled. "I'll be there."

 

"So you're leaving?" Pluto's voice was worried.

"Yeah, I am." She answered briefly, quietly, as not to wake Michiru  
up.

"Look, Uranus... I'm sorry, about two days ago... I didn't mean to be so  
harsh."

"It's ok."

Pluto paused at the answer. Carefully, she asked: "How torn up are you   
about this?"

"What makes you think I'm torn up?"

"I'm not stupid."

"Never said you were."

"She'll be here, in the future, waiting..."

Haruka's tone audibly changed. "I hope so..."

Pluto's voice dropped to a whisper, a serious one. "Uranus... You have  
to have something to believe in... Right now, you have to believe in  
yourself, in her, that things worked out... She'll be the same, here..."

"Thanks, Puu..."

She sat on the bed, watching Michiru sleep, breathing in and out. She had  
to leave her... Bending down, she kissed her. Michiru awoke, at first  
startled, then reassured as she saw Haruka.

"Haruka..." she whispered.

Haruka held her close, just holding her for the last time, for the last  
night.

"I'm glad... that... you love me," Michiru said quietly. "I wish we could  
just stay like this forever..."

"So do I..." Haruka murmured, ignoring the tears in her eyes.

 

"Haruka-papa is going to win, I know she is." Hotaru was hopping up and  
down.

Michiru and Setsuna exchanged smiles. Privately, Setsuna was glad that  
Haruka had made everything better... Michiru was happier than she had been  
in months, and Hotaru had regained her natural self-confidence. Setsuna  
noted that even she herself felt brighter, more free...

"Of course she is," Michiru smiled, watching Haruka get into her car.

"She always wins," Setsuna remarked. "I bet she's thinking that she already  
won."

 

Oh my _GOD_, what the _hell_ am I doing? Haruka wondered as she sat inside  
her car. I haven't raced since... Well, since a long time!

Relax, relax. Racing's a second nature to you... I thought playing the  
piano was second nature? Ok, ok, maybe a third or fourth... You can't have  
forgotten everything already? Already? 1000 years isn't enough?

She looked out the glass to see Setsuna, Hotaru, and Michiru in the stands.  
Come on, they believe in you... Might as well win it for them... before  
you leave...

Leave... That last night... had been incredible, to say the least. She would  
never forget it... She doubted Michiru ever would either.

Stupid, what happens if you get killed? Then she'd be so depressed, so  
sad. What the hell are you thinking? You won't die!

Just dumb thoughts, crazy thoughts...

The announcer spoke, Haruka didn't hear him. Her blood was racing, the  
adrenaline rushing. She _was_ stupid. She would never forget how to race,  
how to drive, how to _win_.

The gun sounded and the race was off. Her hands expertly handled the wheel,  
automatically, instinctively. She knew what to do, how to do it... And  
when she won, she knew it, knew the feeling of arrogant pride, a flash of  
her old self coming through...

"Haruka!" Michiru ran into her arms as soon as she got out.

"Michiru..."

"You won, Haruka-papa, I said you would, didn't I, Setsuna-mama?" Hotaru  
was happy.

"You did very well, Haruka," Setsuna smiled, tilting her head, meaning more  
than the race as she stared at the two girls embracing.

"Thanks, Setsuna, Hotaru-chan," Haruka said, laughing. She looked at them,  
trying to memorize how they looked, for one last time...

Michiru leaned closer, whispering, "I love you, Haruka."

"I love you too," Haruka murmured, staring into her eyes. Michiru frowned, her  
face puzzled, as she read sadness in the other's eyes.

"Har-"

Haruka silenced her by kissing her on the mouth, holding her close.   
Reaching into her pocket, she touched the key lightly. It glowed  
and Haruka felt herself being pulled away, whispering in her mind good-bye  
to Michiru.

"Haruka?" Michiru asked softly, reaching her hand up to wipe the other's  
eyes. "Are you crying?"

"I guess... I am," Haruka from the 20th century replied, thoughtfully   
amazed.

 

Pluto greets me at the gate, murmuring Dark Dome Close, shutting the doors  
behind me.

"Have... things changed?" I ask her.

"I don't know..." she whispers, smiling sadly. "I helped you, I remember  
the way things were really..."

I'm not reassured at all by this. Taking a deep breath, I hug Pluto quickly  
before moving on.

As I head back to the palace, my mind takes a twisted turn. What if things  
are still the same? What if nothing changed? Everything looks the same...

Then I see Neptune standing by the main doors, looking down, arms crossed,  
appearing to be the same as I had left her... And then I think that things  
really haven't changed, and that I've lost her forever.

Then she looks up, her face breaking into a smile. "Uranus!"

"Neptune."

She hugs me, kissing me, and I wonder if I'm dreaming. "Did things go well  
with Pluto?"

"Yeah, everything's ok."

"Good," she smiles again. "The Queen agreed to let us go to the city tonight.  
I was surprised, but she said that since it was our anniversary, we would have  
to do something special."

I control my shock. Today _is_ our anniversary... In the past years... that  
never were... I had forgotten, happily so... But now I realize that I have  
a reason to remember it...

Was this why Serenity had called me to her chamber in the first place?   
Because she _did_ remember the significance of this day, and for me to  
explain why Neptune nor I ever mentioned it? Maybe...

"Uranus?" she looks at me, worried. "Are you ok?"

I stare into her eyes, seeing that she is the same girl I loved before...  
Older, more experienced, but the same love is there...

I nod, putting my arm around her.

"I'm glad you changed, Haruka," she says, squeezing my hand, staring at me  
with an odd, knowing expression that confuses me. She smiles, shaking her  
head, then leads me into the palace.


	4. Living and Dying

She dusted off the cover of the book with the rag. Her throat clogged when  
she saw that it was a photo album. Fighting the urge to drop it, she  
carefully opened it. Upon seeing the first page of photos, she closed her  
eyes, shutting it quickly. Sighing, she ran her hand through her hair.

She wondered to herself whether... she remembered her. She wondered how  
she was doing, if she was getting along with her life... Probably. She   
was always a very dedicated person, particularly once they had broken up.

Broken up... She smiled to herself bitterly. Shaking her head, she placed  
the book into the large cardboard box on top, then closed the lids, sealing  
it with some tape. Standing up, she lifted up the box easily, then went  
down the attic stairs to the hallway, where she set it down.

I'm finally going back, she thought to herself, staring out the window.

 

Ripped across, the tiny droplets slowly running down, slowly, slowly,   
slowly...

 

She stood on the stage, staring at the crowd without really seeing them.   
Her first performance back in Tokyo in four years. She had a right to be  
nervous. She had been surprised to find out, upon reentering Japan from  
Europe, that her offer to perform for charities had been literally leapt  
upon by the various organizations that had heard of her from her life before  
in Tokyo and the rave reviews she had received in her tours across Europe  
and America.

With her music, she had only improved, which was unbelievable considering  
the incredible amount of talent she had professed at fifteen, sixteen,   
seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years of age. As of now, she was   
twenty-three and recognized universally as one of the greatest violin   
players - almost unanimously the greatest female violin player - of the   
century.

She accepted it with a shy, polite smile, behind it, a strained tension.  
The enormous pressures of being famous and gifted had gotten to her,   
gotten to her a long time ago. She dealt with it better on some days,   
worse on others.

It might have been a mistake to return to Japan, she reflected. This was   
where she had been appreciated the most, and thus it would be worse for   
her, but she missed her home, missed the diversity, culture, atmosphere...  
She also missed her friends, but she would not meet them again if she   
possibly could. Hopefully they would avoid contacting her; it would be   
best for everyone that way.

The audience was already cheering and applauding for her. She smiled, then  
brought up her violin- which she had had ever since she had turned fifteen,  
keeping it in perfect condition- to underneath her chin, fitting the rest  
beneath it. With her right arm, her fingers grasped the bow delicately,  
then after wavering for a brief second, began to play.

A slow, romantic piece, tinged with a melancholy sadness. Like her life.   
Closing her eyes, she let her mind delve into the music, playing for her,   
drawing the purest, rawest human emotions from the strings of the   
instrument.

Music was one of the few consoling items at her bidding. Several years ago,  
ever since leaving Japan, other luxuries had faded from her life, other  
rewarding things that she knew she could never regain... So she had been  
driven back to the basics of her life, what she could never lose for they  
were her life- music, art, water. The violin, the brush, the sea.

She drew her music to a close, feeling a pain go through her as she had to  
pull herself out of her own, private world where things were hers to control  
and where she could be safe from everything that could hurt her. She bowed  
slightly to the standing ovation she received, smiling sadly at the flowers  
thrown towards the stage. Flowers that would give their lives up for her,  
flowers that would soon wither away and die, only because of a single night  
when their purpose was served, left alone and abandoned.

Walking off the stage, she had not gotten a few feet past the curtains when  
a sharp shock cascaded through her system. She reached out, her fingers  
grabbing the velvet, attempting to steady herself. Instead, she fell to  
the ground, and she bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain. It'll go  
away, it'll go away, she told herself. It always does... Just a minute or  
so of pure agony, and it will fade... Her breathing was harsh, deep; she  
felt suffocated, as if she couldn't get enough air into her body.

Then the pain slowly began to ebb, and her breathing returned to normal as  
she drew in long, deep breaths. Slowly she got to her feet, brushing off  
her skirt, then continuing on towards her dressing room as if nothing had  
happened.

She entered her room, which had white walls spaced apart from each other  
at a comfortable size. A vanity table was set up in the front, opposite of  
the door. Her violin case was lying on the table, and she carefully placed  
her violin inside, shutting the cover and snapping the locks shut. She  
sighed, folding her arms over the top and resting her head down.

There was only one thing she had to do now...

 

She sat up in the darkness, wiping the tears from her face without emotion.  
Another nightmare, another dream. Another sleepless night... another   
punishment. So as long as the dreams haunted her, she would never be free  
of the guilt that she felt, of the terribleness of living.

Without turning on the light, she got out of bed, walking to the bathroom.   
It was a familiar path, even in darkness... Particularly in darkness. Many  
a time had she walked exactly like this, at this exact time, in this exact  
way. Inside the bathroom, her finger flipped the switch.

Staring at herself for a moment in the mirror, she wondered how she had   
come to this, but ignored her reasoning. She had tried reasoning with   
herself; she had even gone to see a psychologist. Neither had done much,  
only to make herself hate herself even more.

Reaching into the side drawer, she pulled the object of her desire out.   
Staring at it, she felt the same sickness rise up inside of her, the horror  
and self-disgust she always experienced. She shoved those emotions   
aside, running it under the water from the sink, then cleaning it with alcohol.

Kneeling down in front of the toilet, she held out her left hand over the   
bowl, pulling back her shirt arm...

 

She was simply another person in the crowd, to them. Those around her   
ignored her, or perhaps didn't recognize her. She _had_ been gone for a   
while, and she hadn't allowed any picture of her in the newspapers or on   
television. That had been a stipulation, she had told the organizations.   
No major publicity or no performance. They had agreed readily.

Sighing, she pulled back her sea-green hair into a ponytail. She rarely cut  
it except for minor trims once in a while, so it was long, falling past the  
midway of her back. Long hair was for the youthful, she had heard, and   
though she was still only in her early twenties, she hardly felt young. Yet  
it helped her deceive others that her life was fine.

She lifted up her wrist, staring at them. The scars had turned a light   
white; they would become so faint in a matter of days that no one would   
notice them. She always cut deep, but for some strange reason, her body   
refused to show the depth or the pain she experienced, hiding them quickly.  
She smiled to herself, thinking that one day, perhaps soon she hoped, her  
body would be unable to do a thing.

Turning her mind away from the morbidity of her thoughts, she focused on the  
scene in front of her. Down below the stands in the large stadium was the  
racing track. People around her were screaming and yelling and irritating   
her ears, but she could deal with them. There were plenty of mechanics   
and racers and cars setting up for the upcoming race.

Her blue eyes alighted on one racer in particular. From this distance, she  
could see that the person had short, blond hair and was considerably taller  
than the rest of the people around him. Her, she corrected herself. A   
woman, not a man.

She smiled slightly, wistfully recalling her in the days before. Shaking   
her head, she berated herself for clinging to the past. She was beyond that  
point, as was the other girl. Remember. The last time you saw her, you   
were screaming at each other, yelling. She hates you... provided she   
remembers you.

The other girl down on the ground looked upwards, and the other looked away,  
avoiding eye contact. She won't see me... But will she feel my presence?  
Before, they could always know when the other was around. They always  
could feel when something happened to the other... But that _was_ before,  
she reminded herself. Before they fell out of love.

Falling out of love. One thing she'd never want to experience again. It   
was too painful, one of the reasons she almost drove herself to suicide. Of  
course, there was a larger reason. Death of a loved one. Maternal   
instincts said that one should never bury one's child... Maternal instincts  
did not dictate reality.

Yesterday, she had went to the grave. It had been raining, suitable. She  
had nearly cried when she had found the headstone, but she had controlled  
her displays of emotion. She was good at that. There were dead flowers   
there, indicating a lack of visitation. She had hurled them away. She   
wanted to leave something there, but knew that whatever she did would never  
be enough. What sort of gift can be appreciated by the dead, other than   
life?

Not that life was so wonderful. She knew, it hurt. That's why she played   
games with life, terrible games, dangerous ones. Slitting her wrists was   
just one of the few, perverted things she could do in flirting with death,  
yet she was somehow 'civilized' enough to know not to go much beyond that.

She wished her old friends could see her. Perversely, she could see them  
looking at her with disgust and horror, loathing, despising her. That   
would be preferable than living alone, hating herself, she imagined. Then   
she could finally be pushed to kill herself.

Leaning forward, she felt an odd chill go through her, as if someone was   
watching her intently. She turned around slowly, looking up to see a black  
haired man staring at her. When she looked directly at him he look away.   
Attractive, she supposed, but why had he been looking at her like that? She  
turned back around, unable to shake off her fears.

The race began, and the crowd was swept up into even louder screams and  
cheers. She remained sitting, staring at the track with a blank expression  
on her lovely face. As she watched the car- car 910- she remembered the  
day when she first rode on a motorcycle with the rider.

She had wrapped her arms around her waist, holding tightly as the other had  
told her to do. They had been going so fast... It was a wonderful   
experience, everything she had knew it would be. The excitement had   
enflamed her, brushing the danger of it all... And it was even better because  
they were together.

And when car 910 crossed the finish line first, the seat in the stands that  
had held the quiet, sea-green haired girl was empty.

 

Running down the steps, she stopped in the dark hallway that led to the exit  
farther down. Pausing, she leaned against the wall, trying not to cry.  
Dammit, she thought she was over this. She had told herself that she felt  
nothing towards the other girl, that watching her race was one of the last  
things she had to do before she could convince herself that she had done  
ever possible thing plausible to make up for what had happened in her past.

She rested her head against her arm that was against the wall, sighing  
miserably. Always trying to fake yourself out, always trying to deceive  
yourself, never making it work...

She decided then that she would go through with it, finally. She had done  
all that had needed to be completed; there was simply nothing left to live  
for.

A hand touched her shoulder. She whirled around defensively, seeing that  
same black haired man from earlier before.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I thought something was wrong with you. I  
wondered if you were sick or something."

She let out a drawn in breath, smiling weakly. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

"You're a very pretty woman," the man said, not leaving. He remained   
standing in front of her.

She gave him a smile, disturbed by his voice and his eyes. "Thank you..."  
She tried walking past him but he blocked her way. "I'm sorry, I need to  
get past you. Could you please move?"

He grabbed her arm, saying, "I'd like to have dinner with you."

"I'm busy," she said coldly, trying to take her arm away. He wouldn't let  
go. She felt herself panicking. Why the hell won't he leave me alone?  
"Please let go."

"Maybe you didn't hear me," he said, his dark black eyes threatening,   
pulling her against him.

She kneed him in the groin, and when he yelled out, letting go of her arm,  
she ran as fast as she could towards the exit, realizing too late that she  
should have run the other way.

She fell onto the stone ground as he grabbed her. She screamed out, "LET  
GO OF ME!" and kicked his hand with her shoe, drawing blood, but he   
ignored the pain, covering her mouth with his hand. She bit him, and he   
cried out in pain, and she screamed again.

"Shut up!" he snapped, slapping her across the face, the ring on his finger  
cutting her cheek.

Suddenly hands grabbed the man off of her. She could hear the man yelling  
out as he was punched repeatedly. Then the sounds stopped, and his body  
sank to the floor unmoving. She slowly sat up, and as she looked at him,  
she saw the blood running down his face, the slumped position he was in.

"Are you ok?" the voice of her rescuer was muffled behind his helmet. So  
he was one of the racers.

"Yes, thank you," she said softly, standing up to face him.

Slowly he took off his helmet, revealing short blond hair. She took a step  
back from him.

"Ha-Haruka?" she whispered, her hands tightening at her sides into fists.  
She had only wanted to watch her race, not see her...

"Michiru?" the other said, equally as unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, turning around.

"Michiru, you're sure you're all right?" Haruka asked politely, her voice   
neither cold as Michiru had expected nor warm as she hadn't.

"Yes, I'm fine," the green haired woman answered. "I was just about to be  
raped, I'm as great as anyone can expect to be..."

"I'm not going to hurt you or anything," the blond said carefully, not  
liking the sarcasm in the response she received.

"I'm fine," she repeated, walking away, quickly. She hadn't gotten more  
than a few steps before her ankle began to hurt, and she fell down again.  
She bit her lip, trying to stand up again, but the pain was too unbearable.

Haruka's arms were around her, helping her up. Michiru leaned against her  
for support. She looked into Haruka's worried eyes, and that turned out to  
be too much for her as she began crying against her chest. Haruka gently  
put her arms around her waist, holding her, not saying anything.

 

She flinched as the alcohol stung against her cut. Haruka paused, then   
continued wiping the cotton ball damp with the liquid. When she had cleaned  
off all of the blood, she threw the ball away, then put the alcohol back  
into the cabinet.

Michiru carefully got off the bed, then caught herself from falling. She  
shook her head, then carefully stepped on it.

"You're leg's twisted," Haruka said after bending down to examine it. "It's  
not that bad though, you can still walk."

The blond studied her for a few moments. She was still amazingly beautiful  
after four years, probably more so than she had been at nineteen. She  
had stopped crying after a while, murmuring to her that she was sorry for  
that outbreak.

Sorry. She was always sorry. She had been sorry the day they had argued,  
the day they broke up. She had been sorry when Hotaru had died, sorry when  
she had told Haruka she couldn't marry her, sorry when she had left...

The girl wandered around the apartment, albeit difficulty, stopping in   
front of her case of frames. She read all the trophies Haruka had won, all  
the awards and honors she had earned. She picked up a picture frame of  
a pretty blue haired girl and Haruka. She set it back down, turning her  
head to smile at Haruka slightly.

"She's lovely... Your girlfriend?" she asked politely.

"Was." Haruka's answer was short and uncomfortable. She didn't like the   
idea of talking about her past lovers with the girl, who had been more   
than one with her.

Michiru nodded. "She looks nice... You probably shouldn't have broken  
up with her, but then again, you'll find someone else..."

She went over to the window, lifting one of the shades of the blinds to  
look outside. From her view, she could see a nice view of the city,   
quite pretty. After a moment, she dropped it, then glanced at Haruka,   
who she knew she was making uncomfortable. That would have made her feel  
better, had she not been nervous either.

"I have to be going... Thank you for helping me."

Her gratitude was ignored by the other. "Why are you here?" Haruka   
asked coldly.

Michiru's smile faded. "I didn't want to see you," she said, looking  
her straight in the eye. "It was only bad luck that you happened to   
be the one saving me."

"If it hadn't been for me, no one else would have."

"I know." She seemed accepting of the coincidence that Haruka had saved  
her from rape, now. "If you hadn't, I know what would have happened to   
me... But I would have gotten over it."

Haruka had a shocked look on her face. "You would have gotten over it?   
What's wrong with you?" she demanded. "Don't you care if he had succeeded?"

"Honestly? No." She smiled. "I really must be going now."

The blond girl didn't move. "You don't care?" she repeated.

"Care? What an odd word to use. No one cares about me, least of all   
myself, Haruka. You don't seem to understand that." The girl fell   
silent.

The other stared at her with disbelief, then reminded herself that if she  
was messed up now, it was none of her concern. "Which hotel are you   
staying at? I'll drop you off."

"I'm not staying at a hotel," Michiru said quietly. "I'm living here now."

"What? You mean permanently?"

"That's usually what living connotes," she replied dryly. "Don't worry,  
it's nowhere near here, so we won't run into each other again."

"You didn't want to see me, yet you came to see me race?"

"Flattering yourself isn't a good thing," the other murmured, "but yes,  
that's what I intended doing."

"Why?" Haruka asked.

"Why, why, why... That's something I ask myself everyday," Michiru   
whispered, as if to herself. "Why this, why that, why does fate do all  
these things to me..."

"Your outcome you did to yourself," the blond said, her voice unforgiving.

"True." She laughed shortly. "I really screwed my entire life. You should  
be happy that I left you, considering how much I mess up everything."

Haruka felt both angry and sympathetic towards the girl. Something was  
obviously not quite right with her anymore, but to say that she should be  
glad that the girl left her... "That was the worst day of my life," she  
said bitterly, "when you said you didn't love me anymore."

"The worst day of mine was when Hotaru was buried," Michiru said calmly.   
"I'll let myself out."

The other girl stopped her, touching her arm. "I said I'd drop you off."

"Fine, do whatever you want." She felt tired, and she was developing a   
headache. She walked past the girl but before she reached the door, the  
terrible pain hit her again, causing her to nearly black out. Gasping,  
she crumpled to the ground, trying to breath in deeply. Not now, she   
told herself, God, not now.

Haruka was trying to help her somehow, but she shoved her hands away,  
whispering, "It'll go away soon, it always goes away." Shuddering,   
she wrapped her arms around herself, still taking in deep gulps of air.   
Finally the pain left her, and she sighed, exhausted.

This time she let Haruka help her stand, too weak to say no. The girl  
helped her lie down on the bed. Michiru protested, saying she had to  
go home, but Haruka wouldn't hear any of that.

"You're not leaving," she said firmly, though her voice was gentle. She  
touched the scar on her cheek. "You said it always goes away... You   
have these attacks often...?"

She nodded slowly, closing her eyes. She whispered, "Only once every few  
days, though sometimes twice..."

"When did they start? Have you seen a doctor?" Haruka pressed.

"They started... after... I moved to Europe," she murmured, close to sleep.  
"I didn't want to see a doctor about it... It's nothing..."

"What do you mean it's nothing? This is serious if they've been recurring  
for the past four years!" Haruka snapped angrily.

Michiru smiled, saying, "I told you, I don't care what happens to me..."

"Go to sleep," Haruka finally said, standing up. Walking over to the door,  
she flipped off the light switch then left the room, closing the door   
quietly behind her.

The green haired girl sighed, drifting off to sleep.

 

"Michiru-mama..." a voice whispered.

She turned over, feeling freezing cold but burning hot at the same time.  
Not again...

"Hotaru-chan?" She smiled weakly, squeezing the girl's hand tightly.

"What's happening...?" The violet haired child whispered, her face pale,  
breathing slowly. Her dark hair spilled around her head against the pillow,  
and her eyes were much too dark for her nearly white skin. "Am I... going  
to die?"

"No, of course not," she answered, wiping her face quickly with her hand.  
Her smile brightened, forcing herself to look fine. "You'll be out of   
here in no time... You'll get much better, I promise."

"You're... lying again," the girl murmured tiredly. She tried laughing, but  
it came out as a weak cough. "Haruka-papa... told me your signs..."

She reached with both hands and grasped the other's. "I won't let you die,  
Hotaru-chan. You can't go."

Hotaru shook her head, then moaned at the pain. "No..." She got out slowly.  
"I'm not afraid... Michiru-mama... I'll be... with my real mama then,   
won't I?"

Michiru closed her eyes, keeping in the tears. "She'll be there..." Her  
voice broke. But I won't be...

The child let her hand drop away. "I'm so tired... I wish God would just  
take me away now... It hurts so much, mama."

The green haired woman gently stroked her hand over the tiny girl's forehead.  
She dropped a kiss on her cheek, embracing her carefully. "I'd take the   
pain for you, Hotaru-chan... I wish I could..."

"I love you, Michiru-mama..." Hotaru whispered, before her eyes shut and   
she was asleep from exhaustion.

"Hotaru-chan..."

 

"NO!" She screamed at the nurses and the doctor, covering her ears. She  
sank down into her chair, refusing to speak, look at, or listen to anyone   
in the room. 

"Miss Kaioh-"

"Shut the hell up!" She shouted. "You're lying!" She covered her face with  
her hands, trying to ignore those around her. Lying, lying, lying...

"Michiru!" Haruka forced her arms down, holding her hands tightly, staring  
at her intensely.

"Haruka... She can't be... They're wrong," she whispered softly, the pain   
in her eyes so terrible that the blond had to look away for a moment.

"Michiru..." She put her arms around the girl in an embrace.

"Let go of me!" Michiru shoved her away, roughly, much to the horror of her  
friends. Ignoring them, she ran out of the waiting room towards Hotaru's.  
She stopped outside of the window, staring inside. Around the girl's   
still form were people, too many people, all dressed in white, a color that  
she would never wear again for three years. She opened the door, trying to  
get to Hotaru, but she was gently led out by the staff, firmly told that  
there was nothing that she could do, and they were sorry about her loved  
one's death.

She slammed her fist against the glass, crying for the first time. Deep,   
wrenching sobs that she hurt her chest, hurt her throat. Repeatedly, she  
kept pounding her fist on the window. Haruka had reached her when the  
staff was pulling her away, saw the blood running down her hand, knew  
without asking that her hand was broken, as was the glass window.

 

The scene shifted again, this time to one of her fantasy's imagination. It  
was dark, pitch-black, so much that she couldn't see her hands or herself.  
She stumbled along, feeling sharp rocks beneath her shoes, felt their   
pricks of warning as she tripped on them. Around her, there must have been  
trees everywhere, for she ran into their branches, which ferociously pulled  
her hair and cut her face. Her skirts were torn by things along the way,  
most likely thorn bushes... 

She could tell that she was bleeding when she felt the warm liquid slowly   
make its way down her legs and arms and face. She continued onwards,   
unsure of where to go. She finally tripped over something, landing on the   
ground and the pointed rocks, crying out as they bit into her skin.

Then the sky turned a bright red, and everything around her were in shades   
of that color, mostly bloody. She fumbled as she tried standing up, but she  
was pulled back down by an invisible force.

Around her she could hear giggling. She hated that sound; it made her skin   
crawl, sickened her so much, terrified her.

"Had enough, Michiru?" a voice sweetly asked.

The girl looked up, staring in horror as she saw the figure of Hotaru appear  
before her. She had an innocent smile on her face, seemed perfectly healthy  
and lovely. She wore a lavender dress that Michiru had sewed for her with  
Setsuna for her 10th birthday, and her hair was neatly combed, her shoes  
brightly polished. The only source of color in the stark red world...

"Ho- Hotaru-chan?" She nearly cried upon seeing her.

Hotaru had a vicious smile play on her lips. "Look what you did to me,   
Michiru. You promised me, you swore to me that I'd live... And see? You   
lied to me!"

Her skin slowly became paler, turning white, as she held out her hand towards  
the girl on the ground. Michiru tried to look away, but the same force that  
held her down kept her gaze focused on the child. The skin soon melted  
away, dripping down, revealing her skull. Her eyes turned dark black, melting  
away as well. Her beautiful clothes became tattered and full of holes.

"Why did you lie to me?!" Hotaru screamed as her bony hands reached around  
Michiru's neck and tightened.

 

She awoke, sweating and hot, her pulse racing. She closed her eyes tightly,  
willing herself to sleep again, but the impulses were too strong. Fumbling  
out of the bed, she went to the door and quietly left the room.

She stumbled in the hallway, thinking that if she used the bathroom in  
Haruka's room, she'd find out about her activities later on and probably  
confront her. She didn't want the girl interfering any more in her life.

Finding the bathroom in the hallway, she quickly shut the door behind her.  
Nearly pushed to the edge, she opened drawers frantically, searching for  
a blade. She had to get those images out of her mind. Obviously not  
realizing the noise she was making, she was surprised when Haruka knocked  
on the door.

"Michiru?"

"I'm fine," she called back, still looking. She finally found one in one  
of the drawers. Taking it out, she slammed the drawer shut.

"Why didn't you use the other one?" Haruka asked from outside.

"Leave me alone," Michiru snapped. She held her hand over the sink, glancing  
quickly up at her reflection before shutting her eyes and slashing her  
wrist quickly.

She couldn't keep herself from yelling out. Staring down, she noted that  
that last cut had been particularly deep. But was it deep enough, she   
wondered.

"What are you doing?!" Why did she feel so terrified?

"Nothing!" Michiru shouted back. "Just get the hell away!"

She cut her other wrist as well. Tonight... she thought to herself. I   
really... want to die. She watched the blood slowly ooze from out of the  
cuts, running down her hand into the sink. She sank to her knees, feeling  
weak.

"Michiru? Michiru!" Haruka was banging on the door. She kicked it open  
finally when she heard no response.

Tenoh Haruka had never fainted once in her life. She had never once seen  
something that made her feel violently ill. She had never, in essence,   
been close to someone who was near death at their own will.

She saw all these in the scene in front of her, and more, and it was all she  
could do to keep herself from breaking down right then and there. She  
managed to cut off the waves of nausea she felt at the sight of so much  
blood everywhere.

Kneeling down beside Michiru, she lifted her up, cradling her in her arms,  
just wanting to touch her to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "Michiru,   
what the hell are you doing?" she whispered.

The other girl closed her eyes, murmuring, "I don't know... Just let me   
die, please let me die..."

 

Haruka sat in the chair next to the bed, watching her sleep. She had a  
peaceful look on her face, which oddly contradicted to what she was doing  
last night... She had cleaned her wrists, tightly bandaging them to stop  
the bleeding. As she was doing that, she noticed faint, pale scars on  
both wrists, a telling indicator that Michiru had done this before, several  
times. After getting her to sleep, Haruka had gone to the bathroom and  
thrown up.

Now she was just sitting, bemused, watching the girl who she had loved so  
much, thinking about how she still was in love with her. She had been so  
scared when she had found Michiru, pleading with any sort of god above to  
not let her die.

Love was frightening. She had never been so frightened in her life at that  
scene. God, what the hell was wrong with Michiru? Why would she do such  
a crazy thing as to play around with death like that?

She knew the answer though... Ever since Hotaru had died, she hadn't been  
the same. At first, she had been in denial, acting as if nothing had   
happened, cheerful and happy. After that phase, she had gone into   
depression, locking herself up for days at a time in her room. Later, once  
she had accepted Hotaru's death, she had decided to sever all her ties  
with everyone. First Setsuna, then the younger girls, finally Haruka.

They had, before Hotaru fell sick, talked about getting married. It wasn't  
accepted by anyone, but it could be done. Not that marriage was entirely   
important, as they loved each other, and that in itself was enough, but they  
both wanted to be fully committed to each other. After Hotaru died, a few  
months later Michiru had calmly told her that she no longer loved her and  
that she could not marry her. Haruka remembered the intense pain she had  
felt at those words, and in light of that pain screamed at Michiru, trying  
to talk some sense into her. Michiru had said some hurtful things herself,  
then turned and walked away. Haruka hadn't seen her until the day before,  
when she rescued her from being raped.

Michiru awoke suddenly, her eyes opening. She tried sitting up, but Haruka  
set her gently back down.

"You need to rest, Michiru."

"Haruka..." She whispered. She lifted up her hands, seeing the wrists   
swathed in cloth, and sighing. She murmured, "I was going to finally kill  
myself last night."

Haruka blanched at her nonchalance.

"You should have let me die... After all that I've done to you."

"I wouldn't let you die," Haruka said firmly. "You don't deserve to die."

"I don't deserve even death?" Michiru questioned, laughing. She took it in  
the wrong connotation, purposely. "I'm not worthy of dying..."

"I didn't say that!"

Michiru smiled, her face against her pillow. "I don't deserve to either   
live or die..." she said. "Living, to fulfill the meaningless of my life,   
dying, to rid this world of my presence... But to live means I must be   
doing something worthy, to die means to be free of all pain..."

"Michiru... What's wrong with you?" Haruka forced herself to ask her the   
question. "Why are you torturing yourself like this?"

The girl turned her blue gaze to the ceiling. "Life, death, they're both   
the same. Both provide no answers, no solace, both are the only paths one  
can take..."

"You're still not over Hotaru's death..." Haruka concluded quietly. She  
touched Michiru's hand, whose focus shifted back to her green eyes.   
"There was so little you could do... Why do you blame yourself?"

"You don't understand..." the green haired woman murmured. "Hotaru was   
the closest thing... I could ever have to having a real child of my own...  
I loved her so much... And she was a part of us, you and I, and Setsuna   
too... When she died I knew I'd never have anyone like her again..."

"You want children?" She was shocked. True, they had all loved Hotaru  
dearly, and she had heard Michiru make vague, wistful comments on what  
if Hotaru had some siblings to play with. But never had she imagined   
that the other had truly wanted more.

Michiru laughed. "I did..." Her bandaged hand touched her heart. "But  
I knew I could never have one, because I was with you... Love is strong,  
but it doesn't perform miracles..."

Haruka was silent, feeling oddly blamed for Michiru's life.

"But... I also promised her... that I wouldn't let her die," she whispered.  
"But she did... and I lied to her that things would get better... And  
they didn't!"

"She was sick, Michiru, you know that... A million promises couldn't  
have changed it, no matter how much we wanted it to..." She pleaded  
softly, attempting to coax reason into the girl.

"I remember..." the girl on the bed whispered, her eyes hazy, giving no  
sign to having heard the blond woman, "how we always used to go to  
the park together... Setsuna and I would set up the blanket on the  
dark green grass, and it was a light, red checkered pattern... Hotaru  
had helped us make it for that purpose... And you and she would run  
around, chasing each other, and I recall feeling so happy to have the  
three of you with me... And I would feel so lucky to have such pleasures,  
since others weren't so fortunate..."

Her hand clenched up, causing her to wince in pain, but she continued  
in her monologue, Haruka simply listening to her words. "And then  
one time we went to the amusement park with all the younger girls...  
And Chibi-usa and Hotaru would always go off together, giggling,   
forcing Usagi-tachi to go on all of the rides with them, especially the  
roller coasters... And she was so happy with Chibi-usa, her first  
friend...

"Then Hotaru became sick... We paid for the best doctors in the world,  
and they couldn't do a damn thing to save her, could they... Some rare  
disease that only struck one in every 1 million or 100 million people   
or some other damn number that they used to explain their failure...   
And she grew so frail, so pale, so tiny... It was like how she was before  
she became Mistress 9, but worse, because she could barely move, scarcely  
speak... And she always whispered how much it hurt, and why couldn't the  
pain ever go away..."

Her voice drifted off, and she smiled again, but an emotionless one.  
"And I lied to her, telling her repeatedly that she would get better...  
And in the end she finally died, and I was so happy and so sad at  
the same time... Sad because she had left us, because selfishly  
I never wanted to let her go... But happy because she wasn't  
feeling any pain anymore..."

"Michiru..." Haruka longed to ease her pain, seeing how it had so  
dramatically shifted the girl's mind set... She was so... not insane,  
for she obviously wasn't, still intellectually there... but perhaps  
unbalanced. Suicide for God's sake... And such a twisted method Haruka  
had before only associated with troubled teenage girls who were abused  
and beaten throughout their lives.

"I'll keep trying." The green haired girl's eyes shut, but her lips moved  
to say the words, firm words that's very meanings scared Haruka.   
"You won't always be there to stop me... And one day, whether it be  
tomorrow or next week or next year, I'll succeed... And then my  
miserable existence will finally be over..."

"Why are you telling me this? Don't you know that I'll never leave you   
alone now?" Haruka whispered. Did she really want to die? Her chest  
and her head hurt, her mind still rejecting the fact that this person who  
suddenly meant so much to her once more, who always had, could  
simply cherish the thought of death.

"I'm saying this so that you won't be surprised..." Michiru smiled. "And  
keeping constant watch over me won't do a thing... I watched over Hotaru  
while she slept... But I must have let my guard down for one second, and   
in that second she tore herself from out of my grasp, ran away from me to  
death's open arms..." Her laugh was bitterly unpleasant. "God, suicide's  
making me poetic."

Her voice lowered again, after a pause. "I'm so tired... Can a person die  
from exhaustion, I wonder..."

Haruka brushed her hand over Michiru's forehead, feeling that it was warm.  
She kept her hand there for a moment. "Michiru... Please don't try  
anything dangerous."

"I can't say that I won't ever..."

"Then at least for a few days?" the other asked, trying not to plead with   
her.

Some of her terror and resorting to near begging most likely came off onto  
Michiru, for her face was puzzled as she stared at Haruka. It seemed as  
though she suddenly realized how much of a burden she was to the girl,   
even though they had only just met. It was odd saying that, but it was   
true. Michiru wasn't the same person she had been before, and she never   
denied that, even to herself. But Haruka... She couldn't tell if the   
blond had changed dramatically or not; she certainly didn't know her as   
well any longer, so perhaps...

The green haired woman nodded slowly. After all, even if she hadn't  
wanted her to, Haruka had helped her. She owed her at least some minor  
comfort. "All right... Not for a few days..."

"Thank you." The other dropped a light kiss on her lips before settling  
back into her chair to watch her.

The girl on the bed controlled her shock, which was easy enough to do.  
She had been controlling her emotions- whatever was left of them- ever  
since her daughter had died. She had controlled herself when she had   
told Setsuna that she no longer needed a mother to care for her, controlled  
herself when she had told the Inner Senshi curtly that she was no longer  
willing to be Sailorneptune, controlled herself when she had handed Haruka  
back the ring she had given to her, controlled herself when she said in  
a cool, dull voice that she no longer loved her, controlled herself from  
crying when she had turned away from Haruka's screaming at her, controlled  
herself...

She wasn't in control.

Thinking thoughts that should have died five years ago, wondering about  
things that could have been- should have been, and trying to analyze  
Haruka's emotions, she soon fell asleep.

 

The first thing Haruka thought about when she wakened was Michiru. Seeing  
the bed empty- the covers were different and neatly tucked in [how did   
Michiru know where she kept the clean sheets?]- she nearly panicked,   
leaving the room quickly in a frenzy. A million thoughts raced through her  
mind, but what she saw was unexpected.

The other girl was in the kitchen, making breakfast. How she found all  
of Haruka's pans and things was beyond her, but she recalled how Michiru  
had always been able to find anything; she'd always been very good   
around the house.

Her sea green hair was wet, indicating that she had showered, and she was  
wearing shorts tightened with a belt and a short sleeved collared shirt.  
Both looked familiar, and the blond realized that she was wearing her   
clothes. The bandages from around her hands were gone, and there were few  
signs of what had happened from the night before except for white scars   
on her wrists. They had healed remarkably fast, and the only person Haruka  
knew who could do that had been Hotaru...

Strange, Michiru was exhibiting signs similar to those of the late younger  
child. The chest pains and weakness- Hotaru had them before becoming  
Sailorsaturn. The quick healing as well. The quiet, drawn in personality  
was like that of Hotaru before too.

The girl looked up, seeing Haruka standing near the dining table, then  
returned to her cooking, without saying anything. She was making what  
looked like the typical American breakfast- eggs, bacon, sausages, toast,  
et cetera. Quickly, she used tongs to take out the food, setting them on  
different plates with paper towels on them to absorb the excess grease,  
then set them on the table in front of the blond, who had sat down and  
had been watching her.

Michiru got some plates, napkins, and utensils and brought them over to  
the table, placing them down with care before sitting across from Haruka.  
There was already juice and tea and glasses there.

"You were sleeping, so I decided to let you rest," she murmured. "And  
I thought you might be hungry, so I made you something."

Haruka stared at her for a moment, not quite understanding her at all.  
But she was hungry, so she began to eat slowly, with her usual good  
manners and elegant class.

"I also showered... I didn't have any clothes, so I borrowed some of yours."  
She glanced up at the blond. "You don't mind, do you? I'll send them   
over once I get back home, clean, of course."

"No, I don't mind..." Haruka was still at a loss for words. Michiru  
seemed better, but why this sudden... She would have said affection,  
but she doubted that to be the cause. Gratitude, maybe? She didn't  
like the idea of Michiru feeling indebted to her. "Aren't you going   
to eat? It's very good."

"Thanks," Michiru answered. She shrugged, then took a plate, using a   
fork to pick up an egg and drop it on her plate, then cut it with the  
knife half-heartedly. She slowly began to eat.

They ate together in silence, not saying anything, uncomfortable, but  
with a rather tacit truce, which brought some minor comfort to both.

 

Haruka had driven her home afterwards, and the silence had continued  
between the two during the drive. Michiru noticed that Haruka still  
sped a good ten miles or so over the limit, and that vaguely reassured   
her that the other hadn't changed drastically.

During breakfast, Michiru had been extremely uncomfortable with the blond  
girl. She hadn't told her that she had had another nightmare, waking up  
at seven and not going back to sleep. First she had taken off the   
clothed strips from her hands and wrist, studying the amount of healing   
that had been done during the night. Then she had showered, but remembered  
that she didn't have any clothes, so she had gone back into the room to  
find some, a towel wrapped around her. Careful not to wake Haruka,   
Michiru had found some semi suitable clothing, even if the shirt was   
oversized and the shorts kept slipping down. A belt had solved that   
problem.

Seeing that she was an uninvited guest in the apartment, Michiru had gone  
in search for clean sheets. Haruka, she hated to admit, was predictable  
in where she put things. Or perhaps, living with her for four years had  
made her sensitive to Haruka's tastes for organizing, which, upon   
reflection, were not really so predictable had she not known her.   
Predictable in their unpredictability? She had to smile at that thought.

Upon finding the objects of her short expedition, she changed the sheets  
quickly and easily, wondering why on earth Haruka would need such a   
large bed, then smiling wryly at herself as she noticed the picture of her  
with the blue haired girl. They probably had broken up recently, otherwise  
she wouldn't still have that picture on her desk.

Picking it up again, she studied it, thinking how pretty the girl was.  
Michiru herself was probably nothing to look at, being in so poor a mental  
and physical state.

As she turned the frame over, the picture had accidentally fallen out. She   
leaned down to pick it up, then noticed a box under the desk, way back   
against the wall. Curious, though knowing she should have respected  
the girl's privacy, she nonetheless pulled the box quietly out. Opening the  
lid, she saw albums, photo albums, each labeled in Haruka's quick, neat   
script.

Friends, school, family. Michiru recalled that she had never seen Haruka's  
parents before except in a single picture Haruka had shown her when they   
were sixteen. Wondering if there were any more, she pulled that particular  
book out, opening it.

She nearly dropped it. The pictures were of the four of them- Haruka,   
herself, Setsuna, and Hotaru- and not her parents as she had thought.  
Telling herself that she was foolish, she turned the pages, studying   
each picture carefully, placing the place and time of each.

Four of them at the park... Six years ago, June, early. Hotaru dressed   
up in a Halloween costume as Sailormars. Seven years ago, October.   
Setsuna, Haruka, and Hotaru, at the beach. Six years ago, July. On and  
on it went, remembering, reliving every picture.

Close the book, close it _now_, she told herself. Close the damn thing!

Go fuck off.

She should have listened to herself as she neared the end of the book. She  
was near tears, schooling had kept them in. Then suddenly the pictures  
changed, changed to ones of only Haruka and herself. On a cruise ship,  
at Haruka's races, at Michiru's violin concerts, at their duet performances,  
at the park, on the beach, in Europe, at school, all five years they had  
been together... Embracing, holding hands, arms around each other,  
kissing.

"Shit..." She ran her hand through her hair, trying to keep herself from  
breaking down completely.

And it wasn't over. Then came pictures of just herself, ones she remembered  
Haruka taking, others Michiru had never known she'd had to begin with.   
Many were of her laughing, or playing her violin, or picking flowers, or   
painting, or anything at all of her.

She finally closed it silently. Placing it back into the box, she had gently  
pushed the box itself back to its dark position in the shadow beneath the  
desk. Staring at the picture of Haruka and her old girlfriend, she suddenly  
felt deeply jealous of the other girl, for no reason. At that moment, she   
felt like doing something murderous to her... Stabbing her, choking her,  
breaking every bone in her lovely face...

CALM DOWN. She sighed, her head falling into her hand, resting there.  
Why are you so jealous? You two broke _up_; _they_ broke up. But  
still, how could Haruka keep pictures of all of them so close to her, in   
her _room_, and then the picture of her old girlfriend right on her desk?

She shook her head, disrupting her thoughts, then placed the picture  
back into the frame before setting it back down. Gathering up the  
sheets from the bed, she softly exited the room, but not before pausing  
in front of Haruka for the briefest second, remembering the kiss she had  
given her the night before.

"Michiru?"

Michiru looked up with a start, glancing at Haruka. She saw that they  
were slowing down, nearing her condominium. The white European sports  
car stopped, and Michiru unbuckled her belt. Unsure of what to say to  
Haruka, she finally mumbled, "Thanks, Haruka. I'll return these clothes  
to you soon."

"Will you get off the clothes thing?" Haruka snapped as she turned off  
her car and leaned against the steering wheel.

"What?" She asked, confused. She had simply thanked her, dutifully  
telling her her plans with regards to the clothes on her back. She   
didn't want Haruka to think she was taking advantage of her.

"You act as if that's all you wanted to say before you left," the blond  
muttered angrily. "Don't you have anything more to add?"

"What did you want me to say?" the green haired girl asked, puzzled  
by the other girl's fit. "I'm sorry we won't see each other again?"

"Yes, we will," Haruka interjected, which startled Michiru with the venom  
to it. Taking a chance, which was what she did best, Haruka said quickly,  
"I'm taking you to dinner after we go shopping."

Michiru stared at her in complete shock. Finally she managed to say, "Are  
you crazy? I don't want to see you again, I never did! Can't you   
understand that?" She was on the verge of some large emotion, she didn't  
know whether it was to cry, or become angry, or whatever quite yet.

Haruka leaned over, kissing her on the lips, silencing her. When she   
pulled back, her eyes were dark green, and she looked away, murmuring,  
"Do you want to change?"

The other girl nodded slowly, then opened the car door, slamming it as  
she ran into the building.

The girl left in the car sighed, leaning her head against her arm which  
still rested against the steering wheel. Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, she   
told herself mockingly. What the hell are you doing?

Trying to get her back...?

She looked up as she heard a door close, seeing Michiru slowly walking   
towards the car. She was wearing a light blue blouse, a white skirt,   
and white sandals. She opened the door and got inside without a word.

"You look nice," Haruka blurted out. Nice? Try drop dead gorgeous for  
once.

Michiru didn't say anything except smile slightly, which made Haruka feel  
foolish for saying anything at all. She started up the engine again, and  
made a turn, heading in the opposite direction towards the main city.

"Why are you taking me shopping?" Michiru inquired lightly. "I have a   
sufficient amount of clothing."

"You always liked doing it, and I thought you might want to feel better,"  
Haruka told her, not including the 'after last night' part that Michiru  
sensed anyway.

"I haven't been using too much make-up recently," Michiru murmured, as if  
trying to substantiate the other's reason a little bit more. "I suppose  
I need to buy some."

Haruka glanced at her, surprised, turning her attention back towards the  
road. First off, she wasn't wearing _any_ make-up, except for perhaps  
faint lipstick, which had always been her favorite cosmetic. Secondly,  
she seemed reluctant to go, not excited, though it might have been the   
idea of going with Haruka that was distasteful to her.

"You look great without make-up." STUPID. Why did you say that now?  
Now she has _no_ reason to go with you anyplace.

"I'd forgotten how sweet you can be, Haruka," the other remarked drolly,  
smiling faintly. She stared down at her hands, then touched her ring  
finger on her left hand. Flipping them over so the palms faced up, she  
stared at her wrist. Her right cut was almost totally healed, the left   
still slightly reddish white. She sighed softly, then covered her right  
hand over the other, turning them over once more.

Michiru leaned her head against the headrest of her seat, shutting her  
eyes. She felt suddenly tired again, unusually so. Depression had  
reasserted its authority over her, and for no particular reason other than  
pure maliciousness on its part. She had promised Haruka she wouldn't  
try anything for a few days...

Promises were meant to be broken. That's what she had told herself as  
she was in the bathroom, contemplating, then setting the blade back down.  
And that's what she told herself now. Haruka might want to make her feel   
better- maybe even her own self, so later she could convince herself that   
she had tried something- but after tonight, she assured herself that they  
would never meet again.

Her fingers touched her mouth, thinking that Haruka had kissed her twice,  
both meaningless, brief ones unlike the type they used to share. But  
were they really meaningless, she wondered. Most definitely. Haruka  
had never expressed anything other than a sort of vague friendship between  
them.

Friends kissed. [Not on the lips.] Shut up. [You wanted it to be more  
than a friend's kiss.] Right, that's exactly it: I want to be romantic   
with Haruka again so I can tell her to go screw herself again. [No, last  
time you used different words: Go fu-] Shut up!

She rubbed her temples. She felt Haruka's hand on hers, and she looked   
up warily.

"Do you have a headache?" she asked sympathetically.

"It's all right," she lied softly. "It's gone now."

Haruka brought Michiru's hand to her lips, kissing it gently. Michiru   
drew her hand back in, undeniably shocked and uncertain. Deciding that  
now was not the time to analyze reemerging feelings, she turned her   
attention to the outside, realizing that they had entered the main area  
of Juuban, where all the rich stores were.

Juuban... Usagi-chan must have moved years ago. Twenty-two. She should  
have married Mamoru by now... Started a new life together perhaps.   
Jealousy spread through her. They were always reassured by the knowledge  
that they would have Chibi-usa. A child... While she... Hotaru...   
They...

"Usagi-chan and Mamoru-san live across the city now," the blond next to   
her affirmed, as if answering the unspoken question that had been at the  
surface of her mind. "Mamoru-san's a lawyer... We always knew he would  
be something great... Usagi-chan's a teacher. Sort of ironic that..."

"Ironic..." Michiru echoed, her dark blue eyes staring blankly into Haruka's  
green ones. "Life... is full of its little ironies..."

The other wanted to reassure her, to tell her something positive, something  
that would make her _live_ again. Yet... There was nothing she could  
possibly say that would bring back Hotaru. The strange maternal dependency  
on a child... Had that been stronger than her love for her   
partner? Apparently it had... Strange.

Haruka herself had never felt nearly as maternal as Michiru or even Setsuna.  
Perhaps fatherly towards Hotaru was a better description. "Haruka-papa"  
indeed... Was it true, then, that mothers shared some sort of significant,  
deeper bond than fathers did? Did mothers love their children more than  
their lovers?

The green haired woman smiled faintly, her smile vague and soft, her eyes  
a dark, dull blue. Murky eyes, sometimes vibrant as the depths of the  
oceans, carefree as the splashing waves, or deep, dark blue, a haunted  
color. Her eyes fell upon Haruka's left hand, confused as she finally   
noticed the significance of the ring.

Their promise ring- hers, Haruka's, Setsuna's. For Hotaru. Haruka still  
had it on... after all these years? Maybe... Maybe Haruka had felt just  
as strongly upon their child's death? She grew strangely circumspect,   
asking herself why she had never wondered how much Haruka had really felt...

But Haruka had always been the strong one for her, the less emotional one.  
During Michiru's depression, she had been there, trying to comfort her,   
trying to relieve her pain. Selfless, never showing Michiru an ounce of   
anything but tender love.

The car found a parking spot against the sidewalk quite easily, quickly.   
Fortunate, since usually it was a killer to find any ideal spot; one almost  
always had to park in a garage or simply not take a car and use a taxi.  
Michiru got out, closing the door behind her. Shading her eyes, she  
glanced around the street at the sight. People walking around, laughing,  
talking. Juuban always was a rather peaceful area.

Haruka touched her elbow, and she glanced at her. The blond smiled, then  
draped her arm over her shoulder casually, lightly, in a friendly fashion.  
Like a sister would to her sibling. The other silenced strange turmoil from  
inside of her, and she followed Haruka's lead as the blond led them to some  
of the stores.

In front of one of the windows of a certain shop, Michiru felt an alien   
emotion from inside of her. No, not alien... Just... Unused. A small   
tinge of excitement, anticipation. She bit her lip, and her eyes wandered  
over the lovely dresses displayed. One elegant ballroom gown, white; an  
airy summer dress, sea green; a soft violet skirt and cream top. Very   
pretty.

The last time she had shopped seriously was... Too long. Shopping had  
become a chore for her, and she always quickly purchased clothes that  
were plain, nice, fitted, inexpensive. But to truly search for outfits...

"Do you want to try one on?" Haruka murmured in her ear.

She pulled herself away from the display, telling herself that she was  
foolish. "No... No, I... don't need any more clothes..."

"Don't you like them?" She tapped her hand lightly against the glass.  
"They're very nice."

"Yes, they're quite beautiful," Michiru agreed readily. She shook her  
head. "But-"

Haruka took her arm firmly in her hand, leading her towards the door.  
Michiru was wise enough not to fight her, not to make a scene that would  
be useless. The other woman was a great deal stronger than her,   
particularly now. Still, she flushed a little bit as she entered the store.

Haruka inquired at the desk for two of the dresses displayed in the  
showcase. The young woman, red curly hair, bright orange eyes, nodded   
eagerly, politely. She fetched some dresses of the same style, the size  
of what Michiru had whispered to her. Haruka had seemed surprised at   
the number; she had lost a good deal amount of weight, her dress size   
falling by two since she had last seen her.

"This was a mistake," Michiru said, her head tilting upwards to glare at  
the other. "I don't need any clothes."

"So you've said several times already." She seemed amused. Her fingers   
brushed over the silk blouse, rubbing gently the material of the sleeve   
between her fingers. "This is somewhat old... The material has thinned  
somewhat. You never used to wear anything for more than a year."

"I like this," the girl retorted, defending herself, turning her head away.  
She stared down at the glass counter, suddenly noticing the jewelry on   
display there. She bent over, studying some of the pieces. Gold, silver,  
bronze. Her eyes were pulled to a gold necklace, light, thin, with an   
oval aquamarine stone at the end. She smiled. "It's pretty," she commented.

"Do you want to buy it?" Haruka asked her.

Startled, she looked up. She smiled again, briefly. "It's pretty," she  
repeated, "but no... I wouldn't know what to do with it. It's pointless  
buying a necklace for yourself that you'll never wear anywhere."

"It's odd seeing you reluctant to buy things." The blond gave her a   
measuring look. "I remember how you used to always drag me around to   
every store, and you'd practically buy the whole place out and make me   
carry around all your boxes."

The second woman turned her head to look outside the window, where she   
watched people scurrying around. "That was a long time ago, Haruka.   
I'm not the same person." I don't even know who she is or if I can   
bring her back anymore.

Haruka sighed softly, then changed her demeanor as the red haired clerk  
walked out with the two dresses. She had them draped over both arms,   
carefully, and she motioned with her head towards a door near the side.  
"That's the dressing room."

The blond nodded, putting her arm on Michiru's shoulder and walking with  
her as they followed the other woman. They were silent as they listened  
to the woman chatter, passing racks of clothes and displays. Michiru  
felt dazed, having forgotten how many and how nice clothes could be.

"My, my, these are quite lovely," the saleswoman said cheerfully. "And  
you're quite beautiful, miss, so they'll undoubtedly look wonderful on  
you." She sighed, but her sigh was a romantic longing sigh, so   
different from the one Haruka had uttered a few minutes beforehand.

Simple actions could reflect a variety of emotions.

The clerk wistfully stroked the fabric, remarking, "I do wish that I could  
wear things like this, or that I had the money." She laughed. "But I   
love seeing people look so perfect in clothes simply made for them, so   
that's enough."

She opened the door, then placed the dresses on one of the hangers. She  
smiled, walking out and standing off to the side of the door. "I hope   
you like them, miss."

"Thank you," Michiru smiled gently. She went inside, shutting the door   
behind her.

Haruka sat down outside in a chair which was near some mirrors against  
the wall. The other woman remained standing, humming cheerfully. She  
turned her attention to Haruka.

"Are you her boyfriend?" she inquired politely.

The blond had a funny look on her face, but she shook her head. "No,  
we're just friends," she said, her voice cracking somewhat.

The clerk didn't notice, but smiled. "What a shame, what a shame. You   
two look so nice together. One look at the two of you walking in   
together and I said to myself, 'My, these two simply must be an item,   
they seem like such a perfect couple!'"

Haruka sweat dropped, smiling weakly. She was, oddly enough, often   
intimidated by chatty women. She never knew quite what to say in the   
face of their... well, chattiness. This woman could talk for hours on   
end... Must be hell for her boyfriend to do anything otherwise. The  
blond quickly prayed that Michiru would hurry up.

On time, the dressing room door finally opened, and Michiru walked out,  
uncertainly. She was wearing the sea green dress, and Haruka couldn't  
say anything for a few seconds as she stood up, trying to clear her mind   
of the mixture of thoughts that quickly swirled in her head. The   
saleswoman, on the other hand, had plenty to say.

"Miss, you look absolutely beautiful!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands  
together in childish delight. She led Michiru to the mirror so that   
she could look at herself. "Now see? This dress was simply _made_ for  
you!"

The green haired woman smiled briefly at her reflection, then turned to  
Haruka. "It's nice," she said quietly. "What do you think?" She walked  
up to her, tilting her head in that way of hers that meant she wanted a   
serious, honest opinion.

"Doesn't she look like a model?" the red haired lady gushed out. Haruka  
almost kissed her for saying something, because she certainly couldn't.

"Um, yeah, she looks great," Haruka mumbled, shoving her hands in her   
pant pockets, feeling like a teenager again. Michiru didn't say   
anything, just nodded, walking back into the dressing room.

As the door shut, Haruka sighed, sinking down into her chair. Michiru  
probably thought she was insensitive now. The clerk glanced at her  
puzzled, but shook her head, clicking her tongue. Not a couple...   
Really. It was obvious- yes, quite obvious that the blond man had strong  
feelings for that young woman.

She blinked as the blond man stood up and walked back over to the counter.  
"Wait! Aren't you going to wait for your lady friend?" she said,   
hurrying to keep up with the other.

"Yeah, I just wanted to look at that necklace she liked," Haruka replied,  
not slowing down. "Can I see it?"

The woman nodded and scurried around, then opened the glass case with   
a key. Taking out the necklace that Haruka pointed to, she lifted it  
gently and placed it in Haruka's hand.

Haruka examined it carefully. Shooting a look at the woman, she said  
casually, "It's real."

"Oh, yes, of course," the clerk affirmed, bobbing her red head up and down.  
"We'd never carry any fake imitations here! But it's quite expensive,  
so no one has wanted to buy it, and I'm afraid that it'll never be-"

"I'll take it."

She gaped, then remembered her manners and shut her mouth. "You _must_  
be in love with her, sir!" she said as she busied herself at the cash  
register.

Haruka quickly paid for the necklace via credit card, then walked back to  
sit in the cushy chair once more. She put the necklace, in a box, in her  
pocket, and settled back down. Not a moment too soon, for the door   
opened again.

"Michiru?" Haruka called after a moment as no one came outside.

"I feel silly... This is such a waste of time." Michiru sounded upset,  
closing the door suddenly again. She leaned her head against it, saying,  
"I'll just buy the other dress if it makes you feel happy."

"What's wrong?" The other stood, walking over to the door, her hand against  
it. "I'm sure you look fine."

"I... remembered the last time... I went to a ball..." Michiru whispered  
from the other side. "It was when all four of us went to celebrate   
Usagi's 18th birthday... And we were all happy. Hotaru looked so pretty,  
hardly like a little girl, more like the twelve-year-old she was. I felt  
proud of her... And then you and I, we danced only with each other after  
I danced with that one friend of Mamoru-san's... Motoki-san I think...  
You were jealous, so I promised I'd only dance with you for the rest of  
the night..."

Haruka flushed, remembering what happened after that, even though she knew  
that Michiru probably wasn't thinking along those lines. "Come out,  
Michiru," she said softly.

The door swung open silently, and Michiru stepped out quickly, looked at  
Haruka for a moment, then turned to go back in to change. Haruka took  
her arm, holding her there. The white silk suited Michiru perfectly,   
fitting her well. The skirts were long and somewhat heavy, but elegantly  
placed on the girl. Her sea green hair cascaded around her shoulders,   
and that in itself was a lovely decoration.

"You... look... beautiful," Haruka said after what seemed like hours,  
knowing that she was blushing like crazy. "You should buy it."

"I'll never wear it," Michiru pointed out. She smiled, touching the  
silk dress. "But it is lovely, isn't it though..."

Haruka touched her face, saying, "Come on, I'll get the clerk to ring  
it up for you."

The other girl shook her head at first, then nodded reluctantly as she  
saw Haruka's expression. She felt oddly uplifted for some strange   
reason. It was because of Haruka, she knew, and that left her with the  
sense of being adrift...

 

Michiru...

She looked up, confused, at Haruka. "Did you say something?" she asked.

"No." Haruka glanced at her over the bill she was signing. "Why?"

"Nothing..." Michiru rubbed her neck distractedly, murmuring, "I thought I   
heard someone say something to me..."

'Michiru... Michiru-mama... Michiru-mama! Where are you?'

She choked, standing up as mental images flooded her mind. She ran to   
the bathroom, followed by an anxious Haruka. She went inside, into one  
of the stalls, slamming the door quickly.

Haruka waited outside the stall, staring at the door, her face pale at the  
sounds from inside. The toilet flushed, then, and Michiru walked out,   
ignoring her. She went over to the sink, turning on one of the faucets.   
She ran the water over her hands, then made a scoop with them, splashing   
some of the cold liquid on her face. She got a towel from the dispenser,   
wiping her face and hands dry, then threw it away, turning to leave.

She didn't say a word as she walked past Haruka. The other girl wouldn't  
let her go by, reaching out and taking her arm. Michiru stopped, her face  
bent, not wanting to look at her.

"Michiru?" Her voice was soft, worried, caring.

Michiru allowed herself to be embraced, and she buried her face in   
Haruka's shirt, not crying or speaking. Haruka felt a tearing feeling  
inside of her. Her arms held Michiru more securely against her, and  
she whispered her name again.

"It's been a long day, Michiru... I'll take you home now."

The green haired woman nodded, her eyes cloudy though dry. "Thank you."

 

Haruka parked in the lot, though Michiru protested feebly how it wasn't  
necessary to come in with her- she could do it herself. After getting   
out of the car, she nearly collapsed, her breathing condition coming   
over her once more.

Right then she cursed her body for betraying her, since now Haruka was   
adamant about playing 'Protector' of her. She didn't want Haruka's help;  
she only desired for her to leave her alone. She wanted to be by   
herself. She went to her apartment on the third floor, followed by the  
other.

Stepping off the elevator, she found her room. Busying herself with   
unlocking the door, she tried to ignore the fact that Haruka was there  
beside her. The door swung open after she twisted the knob, and she  
entered, flipping on a light switch against the wall.

Knowing that she couldn't very well leave Haruka outside, she let her   
in, indicating where to remove her shoes and where to find slippers.   
After having done so, Haruka gave Michiru her dresses, then wandered   
around the apartment as the other girl went to put them in her room.

The apartment was astonishingly empty. Furniture was scarce, simple,   
harsh. A white couch, two chairs, a glass table, and a few pictures   
made up the main sitting area. The kitchen had a small table and two  
chairs against it. There was a chair and a music stand near the   
large window, then a different painting stand a few feet away. The   
violin case was on the chair, locked.

Michiru came back out from her room. She stared at her for a moment,   
then turned, heading towards the kitchen. "I'll make some tea before  
you go."

Haruka sat down on the couch, waiting silently until the other returned.  
Michiru sat down next to her, setting down the tray with cups on it.

"Why did you run out of the restaurant?" Haruka asked finally as Michiru  
poured for both of them.

"Just dreams... Visions of things..." Michiru leaned towards her as   
she set down a filled cup for her, pausing, then murmured, "I'm sorry  
for being an inconvenience to you for these two days. I truly promise  
that I'll do my best not to run into you again."

"What a silly thing to say." Haruka was irritated. She ignored the tea   
cup, turning to face her. "You're never any trouble, particularly when   
you need help."

Michiru smiled, her blue eyes faintly lighting up, as she felt a sudden  
surge of gladness rise inside of her. Haruka stared at her for a moment  
before touching her cheek with her hand. The other girl didn't say   
anything, only slowly put her own hand over hers.

"Michiru?" the blond whispered. The green haired woman lifted up her   
head, silent, but her eyes said a million things more. Haruka lowered   
her head and kissed her. The other put her arms around her neck,   
unprotesting.

 

Michiru awoke, realizing where she was quickly. She felt her face burn,  
then tried to get out of the bed until she felt Haruka's arm draped   
around her side. She turned, looking towards the blond girl, who was   
sleeping peacefully. She studied the face, wondering how someone could  
be so pretty. Trailing her fingers along Haruka's face, she lifted her  
head up, tilting it so that her face was right beneath the other's.   
Her mouth was dry, but she swallowed, then gently kissed the sleeping   
woman.

Haruka made a small sound, her arms automatically tightening around   
Michiru, drawing her in closer to her body. Her eyes opened slightly,  
and she smiled beneath the girl's lips. "'Morning," she greeted softly.

The sea green haired girl laid her head against Haruka's shoulder,  
whispering, "You've confused me so much, Haruka..."

"Michiru?" the other inquired quietly.

"I didn't have any nightmares last night..." She sounded surprised,  
curiously so.

"I'm glad," Haruka answered, with fine understatement. "You shouldn't   
be having them every night, love."

"You haven't called me that for a long time." She sighed, her eyes   
shutting. "You're so warm..."

Haruka stroked her hair until she fell asleep, even after the girl had  
done so. Dropping a kiss on her head, she held her as she drifted off  
to sleep.

 

Everything changed that night, the next morning. Michiru had come to   
the terms with the fact that after that, she could not never see Haruka  
again. It was impossible to ignore her, realizing many things in what  
they had done.

One. She was still in love with Haruka. Two. Haruka still cared deeply  
for her, if not loved her. Three. She wanted them to be how they were  
before Hotaru had died. She might be wrong, on all accounts, but she  
was fairly certain of the accuracy of each statement.

Michiru didn't understand why Haruka could still make her feel so   
fiercely, even after all this time, but love was un-definable, strange.  
Their love had always been frighteningly strong.

Haruka was showering; Michiru had already done so. She was in the   
process of dressing, deciding on wearing the summer dress she had just  
bought the day before. She happened to glance at her left wrist. It  
was nearly healed. She trailed her finger along the pale line,   
thinking to herself that it was indeed odd how for the first time ever  
since Europe she hadn't dreamt about Hotaru dying. The dreams were   
what always drove her to slashing her wrists... She grew so scared,   
so depressed over them, so sick that she wanted to die.

She sighed, walking over to the large window in the room and stared  
outside, waiting for Haruka. She leaned her head against the glass,  
watching the city, but not really. She felt tears form at her eyes,  
and she didn't know why, couldn't explain it. Even in her happiest  
times depression set in, controlling her, using her.

She felt arms around her, and she glanced up blankly to see Haruka  
staring at her with her lovely green eyes. Haruka kissed her neck,  
and a warmth spread through her as she leaned back in her arms.

"It's a nice day," Haruka commented as she looked outside. The sun was   
high, the sky a clear blue, and people were walking and running around   
in the streets. Her voice dropped to a throaty whisper against her ear.  
"But I prefer the nights..."

Michiru blushed, reminding herself that Haruka had always been sensuous,  
amorous, perhaps too much so, and they often exchanged sexual innuendoes  
teasingly.

"You're still wet," Michiru chided her as droplets of water from the  
blonde's hair fell onto her face.

"Hmm..." Haruka agreed. She smiled down at the girl, saying, "Sorry,  
I was in a rush... I could hold you forever like this."

"I wish... I could be like this forever..." the green haired girl whispered,  
slowly, softly. Her gaze dropped. With you, forever. Only us, away from  
the rest of the world... Can't you take me away from everything? Why   
can't all my fears just disappear, why can't my memories of the past stop  
haunting me? Then we could be happy... But we won't, we can't. Not until  
I've been forgiven... And I never will be. Why not? What sort of cruel  
fate is keeping us apart... Or is it just myself...

I love her... But we aren't meant to be...

"Michiru..." Haruka said, alarmed at the sudden quietness of the other.  
She was withdrawing into herself again. Depressed, cold, indifferent  
to all but pain.

"Haruka... You love me... Don't you?" Her question was unexpected and  
said with such calmness, such dullness of tone that Haruka wanted to  
shake her. But underneath that exterior, she saw, was a quiet   
desperation, a need for assurance.

"Yes, more than anything else," the blond answered, her voice determined  
and honest.

"I could drive you away again." She sounded odd, pulling out of the embrace.  
"Would you hate me if I did that? You would, wouldn't you? You'd leave   
me. You'd start anew again, you'd have a different life from mine...   
You'd forget me, unless you only thought about me to hate me."

"What are you talking about?" She was scared. Michiru was... losing it  
again... She tried hugging her, but Michiru tore her arm out of her   
grasp, wandering around the room. She sat down on the bed. "I could   
never hate you."

"You hated me once. You have, that day," Michiru murmured, her hand  
touching her face in a contemplating manner. "I saw it in your eyes,  
heard it in your tone. You hated me... And if we hated each other  
once, it could happen again..."

"Michiru, you're not making any sense," Haruka said firmly, walking towards  
her. "It's not going to happen again."

"If there's hate, there can't be love." Her blue eyes dropped to the ground.   
"If we hated once... we could hate again..."

"Why are you focusing on this?" The other wanted to slap her, hold her,  
kiss her, make her forget about these crazy things in her mind. "We're  
together now, we love each other _now_, that's all that matters."

We aren't meant to be... Funny, it seemed strange saying that. Her mind  
automatically rejected that idea. Yet... If she couldn't forgive herself,  
she would merely end up destroying Haruka as well... She couldn't let that  
happen. They could never be together, in any circumstances. Simply  
allowing them to pursue their present course would only waste Haruka's  
valuable time, her life... Better to let her go now... And leave her   
something to spend her life with...

Aren't meant to be.

Michiru looked up, then said, quite coldly, "I don't love you, Haruka."

The blond girl froze, then softly said, "Michiru, what's wrong?"

She stood up, smiled frigidly, her eyes suddenly self assured and calm.   
"It's been fun, pretending. I always wondered how gullible you were... So  
while I came here for a short tour, I thought about how it would be   
interesting to see how much I could fool you. So I did. And now I know.   
You'll buy anything."

"What?" Haruka had a strange shocked look on her face. Her green eyes  
had a denial look to them. "Michiru, you're not feeling well again...   
You're not making sense."

The green haired girl flipped her hair over her shoulder arrogantly. She  
smiled, kissing Haruka on the lips crudely. Haruka pulled back, repulsed.  
"You're great in bed, Haruka. You always have been. But always so   
willing to play the desperate hero. You honestly bought all this crap   
I've been feeding you? God, I must be a better actress than I thought."

Haruka shut her eyes, turning away. She was trembling. Michiru's own   
eyes slid away for a moment, and she tried to keep herself from backing   
down. She was hurting Haruka so badly... And this was taking so much   
energy away from her... She felt so dead tired now... But it was for  
Haruka.

"See?" Michiru held out her wrist. "I've always known how to cut it to make  
enough blood come out, but never enough to kill myself... All I had to do  
is slit it right here and-"

"Shut up!" Haruka screamed out at her suddenly. "Just shut the hell up!"

Michiru took a step back, but she kept her laugh mockingly light. "What?  
Can't you stand to see what a fool you are?"

"I hope that you had a lot of fun with your stupid little scheme, Michiru,"  
the girl hissed out, seething, using all of her willpower not to do  
something violent. "I hope to God that I never see you again, because   
I'll probably kill you if I do."

Haruka stormed out of the room and down the hall, and Michiru could hear   
her slam the front door close. Then she sank back down on her bed,  
turning over and crying. Her sobs were so deep, so wrenching, that she  
felt her heart literally tearing apart. She slammed her fist against   
the bedpost, over and over again as she wept into the pillow, trying to  
breathe in enough air to keep her going.

Tonight... Good-bye, Haruka...

 

"She did _what_?" Setsuna was undeniably shocked, as were Usagi,   
Mamoru, and Rei.

The four were together, having gone out to eat together, and they had run  
into a depressed Haruka, who was busy drinking herself into oblivion. That  
had surprised all of them, since Haruka never became drunk, never drank   
more than 3 glasses of anything alcoholic, and most certainly never gave in  
to any sort of indulgence of that sort.

Haruka smiled, bitterly over her wine glass. Waving her hand, she said   
casually, "Oh, that it was great fucking me, but that it was all an act, to   
see how stupid I was."

The younger blond girl shook her head slowly. "No... Michiru-san's not   
like that... She'd never do something like that."

"Sorry, Usagi-chan," Haruka replied, then downing the glass. "But it   
happened."

"I... find it difficult to believe myself," Rei said finally, her violet  
eyes worried. "You said that she pretended to be still not over   
Hotaru-chan? And that she play acted being suicidal and weak?"

"And made a general fool out of me," the older woman agreed. "She's   
really great at acting... Wonder why the hell I never noticed?"

"She may be a better actress than you think," Setsuna said quietly. She   
gave Haruka a leveled glance with her red eyes. Haruka glared at her,   
then looked away. "I refuse to believe that Michiru would act like   
that... unless she was trying to protect you."

Haruka snorted, flipping her bangs up. "Protect me? Gee, she could have  
fooled me."

Mamoru was about to say something when Minako came running into the  
restaurant towards the bar. Her long hair and blue dress were soaked,   
and Haruka finally noticed as she glanced outside that it was raining.   
The blond girl had a desperate look on her face, half crying, half   
hysterical, and she appeared almost crazy as she came up to Haruka,  
grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Mina-chan, what the hell's wrong with you?" Haruka snapped angrily,  
shaking her slightly. She wasn't in the mood for any dramatics right  
then.

"Haruka-san," Minako finally blurted out, "Ami-chan called me from the  
hospital..."

The older girl froze for a moment, a feeling of dread coming over her.

"Michiru-san tried to kill herself tonight!" Minako began breaking down.  
Rei and Setsuna turned white, and Usagi nearly fainted against her  
husband. "Ami-chan's trying... to save her... but she's... It's not   
working!"

"Haruka!" Setsuna said sharply to the girl, who had broken her glass  
with her hand. Her eyes were tightly shut, and tears were forming at  
the ends. Dropping the bloody fragments, Haruka ignored the protests  
of the others as she got up and ran out the door.

 

Her silence was unnerving to the blue haired doctor. It wasn't like  
Haruka-san to... just _accept_ things like this. Haruka had been brought  
over by the others, whom she had recently learned had caught up with her  
after she was running aimlessly towards the hospital. In the rain.   
Setsuna had tried to calm Haruka down, but the blond was in a strange   
sort of panicked fury. Maybe not so strange.

Ami herself hardly understood the relationship between Haruka and  
Michiru, perhaps never had. Sometimes she wondered to herself if she  
should have concentrated less on studying and focused on having a   
relationship with someone, but...

Rei and Usagi were attempting to soothe Minako-chan. Usagi was  
surprisingly strong now, capable, able. Had Ami not needed to be in  
control right then, she was sure the other girl would have been a   
great deal more stable than she.

"How... did they find her?" Haruka whispered from her seat on one of the  
couches in the waiting area, next to Setsuna and Mamoru. She sounded   
very calm, but it was Ami's experience that told her that she was most   
likely tearing herself apart on the inside. Haruka was leaning on her   
knees, her hands, one bandaged, clasped in front of her downcast face.

The younger doctor cleared her throat. "Well... Apparently Michiru-san  
had someone in the condominium have some clothes cleaned for her, and   
he was to drop them off tonight... He knocked on the door but there   
wasn't an answer, and he thought maybe Michiru-san couldn't hear him so  
he tried the door. It was unlocked, which was strange, and he went   
inside... And he found her in the bathroom, and he immediately called   
for help."

Haruka nodded before murmuring, "How much... blood did she lose..."

Ami darted a glance at Setsuna, who nodded slowly. The older woman had  
her hand on Haruka's shoulder. "A lot... We think she might have died  
in another half hour if the man hadn't found her... As it is, we're not  
sure she'll make it... Her signs are dropping quickly."

"You're going to do everything you can, Ami." The blonde's tone was soft,  
but Ami knew the underlying meaning to what she said.

"I will." It was all she could say.

A white suited nurse appeared, trying not to sound scared, "Doctor  
Mizuno, please come quick! Kaioh-san in room 136 has just lapsed into  
a coma..."

 

She was floating. She opened her eyes slowly, wondering where she was.  
She could only see the bright blue of the sky above her... She sat   
up, looking about her. White ground surrounded her... Ground? No,   
clouds.

She got to her feet, noticing she was wearing a white dress that touched  
the ground. She stood in confusion, staring at her hands. She glanced  
at her wrists. No scars whatsoever.

"Am I dead?" she whispered aloud to herself.

"No."

She hadn't expected an answer, and she whirled around, to see a girl of   
about 12 standing behind her. She had short violet hair, large violet   
eyes, and a white dress... Wings too.

Her eyes widened. "Hot... Hotaru-chan?"

The girl nodded, smiling, and she threw herself into the older woman's  
arms. "Michiru-mama," she said happily, kissing her on the face.

"Hotaru-chan." She was crying as she embraced her, holding the girl to  
her, trying to remember this feeling that she had.

"Michiru-mama." Hotaru pulled away, suddenly serious. "You're not dead...  
Yet."

"But... you are," the green haired girl said quietly.

"Yes, I am..." The child's voice was accepting, direct, truthful. "I want  
you to meet some people, Michiru-mama."

Hotaru took her hand, squeezing it tightly before leading her away. They  
walked a short distance before two more people appeared in front of her.  
Hotaru grinned, waving at them.

The other could see a beautiful woman, clothed in a white dress, with  
long purple-black hair and violet eyes. Next to her was a man with short  
white hair and kind dark eyes, wearing a white suit.

"Souichi-san?" Michiru was stunned, recognizing him immediately. He  
nodded. Her gaze turned to the woman, and she said slowly, "Then you  
must be... Keiko-san... Hotaru-chan's mother."

"See Michiru-mama? I told you I'd see them again... I'm with them now."  
Hotaru smiled, pleased. "I'm happy."

"Michiru." Keiko spoke softly, her voice melodic, lovely, like Michiru  
knew it would be. "Souichi and I want to thank you, Setsuna, and  
Haruka for caring for our child when she was alive. You raised her  
wonderfully into the type of girl I always thought she'd turn into."

"We... never really had the chance to do what you three did for her,"  
Souichi acknowledged. He smiled, but it was an embarrassed one. "I   
was too obsessed with creating daimons... After Keiko died I was no  
longer even human. I brought Hotaru-chan up to be more machine than  
human, though what she needed was love, not what I gave her."

Hotaru ran to her father, and she hugged him. "I love you, Papa." He  
smiled.

"But... I let her die..." Michiru had a confused mind setting. "You  
can't thank me for letting her do so... You should hate me."

"You hate yourself alone," Keiko pointed out. She touched Michiru's  
hand. "What you did was what any good mother would have done. Stayed  
with her child, loved her, protected her, reassured her. You have no  
control over life or death. No one blames you, no one ever has."

"Except yourself," Hotaru nodded. She took Michiru's hands in her own,  
leaned close to her ear on her tiptoes and whispered, "I love you,   
Michiru-mama."

"You don't hate me..."

"I never could!" she laughed. She planted a warm kiss on her mother's   
cheek. "And like I said before, you're not dead... You can't die.   
Not when Haruka-papa loves you so much. You have to get over this guilt,  
which I never placed on you in the first place. Please live again...  
I don't want you to be unhappy."

Michiru flushed slightly, then nodded. Placing her arms around the girl,  
she gave her a hug. "I love you, Hotaru-chan... I miss you so much..."

Hotaru gave her another smile, and her eyes gleamed with a sort of devilish-  
impossible, in a place like this- shine, and she whispered, "A life  
taken, a life given."

The green haired girl blinked, confused. "Hotaru-chan?"

Hotaru shook her head, pulling away, back towards her parents. "Please  
remember, Michiru-mama, be happy..."

And then things went black.

 

Haruka sat beside the bed, holding her cold hand. She brought it to her  
lips, kissing it softly. The tears followed sometime later, when she   
couldn't control them any longer.

She had wanted to be alone with Michiru, so she had requested that Ami   
throw everyone out and leave her alone.

The doctor had at first refused, but Haruka had harshly snapped what  
difference would it make, they couldn't do anything to help her anymore,  
and then suddenly did an about turn to begging.

Shocked, Ami had consented, so Haruka was now there, sitting in the  
darkness of the room. She hadn't wanted all the lights on. The white  
reflecting off hurt her eyes, made things too bright.

The sound of the machines beeping kept beat with her sobs, which flowed   
from her automatically.

Michiru, don't die... Please, don't die. I don't think I could lose you   
again...

She recalled her first meeting with the girl. With Erza Gray. Erza-san  
introduced them, after a track meeting, which she had won by a mile.  
She had first laid eyes on Michiru then, with a shock. She was so  
lovely that Haruka had felt embarrassed by her sudden feelings at the   
sight of her.

Two weeks later they had their first date. They had gone to a restaurant  
to eat, then a movie. Haruka had kissed her outside her door, a long,  
drawn out one that she hadn't wanted to end but she had to because five  
minutes was a bit too long. She remembered how Michiru had smiled shyly  
at her, then kissed her again, shorter but sweeter, then gone inside,   
leaving her in the hallway of the condominium. That had been their first  
[two] kiss[es] together... Both their first.

The tears ran down her face onto Michiru's hand. Why was it so cold? It  
should have been warm, moving, full of life.

She remembered so many things... Michiru had been such a large part  
of her life... If she left again... If she died... Would Haruka...?  
...Yes...

So emersed in her thoughts and feelings was she, she didn't realize at   
first the hand in hers tightened. Surprised, she glanced down, as if to  
reassure herself that yes, it was moving. She leaned over Michiru to  
touch her face with the other hand.

"Michiru?" She murmured.

Michiru's eyes tightened visibly, as if trying to dispel a large headache.  
Her eyes then slowly opened, wavering, blinking. Finally she saw   
Haruka after a moment. Staring at her, she said, her voice not above a  
whisper, "Haruka?"

The blond didn't say anything, just began crying, burying her face in  
Michiru's neck.

"You're... crying..." Michiru sounded astounded by that fact, dazedly  
amazed. "You... never cry, Haruka."

Haruka laughed slightly against her shoulder. She lifted her head up,  
bringing her face right above Michiru's. "Don't ever scare me like this  
again." Her voice was dead serious, but gentle, and her eyes were a mix  
between pain, love, and kindness.

"Haruka, I..." She wanted to tell her how sorry she was. She wanted to  
tell her how much she loved her. She wanted-

The other girl leaned down, kissing her, and she found there was nothing  
to say after all.

 

Michiru got better, remarkably so. She was happier than she had been  
in months, in years. She never expressed any sadness when it came to  
talk of Hotaru. Instead, she always seemed content, showing her love  
for the girl in her memories of her.

Haruka was there for her, always. She had presented her the necklace  
she had seen in the clothing store earlier the day she was discharged  
from the hospital. Michiru had loved it, demonstrating her love to the   
other that night. She wore it everyday after that.

The green haired woman's suicidal tendencies and depression had washed   
away, been cleansed from her soul during that fateful meeting with   
Hotaru. Dream? No. None of her friends had ever said it to be a mere  
figment, a dream, a hope because they knew it too.

Even more so, their belief, her belief, was strengthened when Hotaru's  
mysterious words to her had come true. "A life taken, a life given."  
That deep desire of Michiru's to have a child- Hotaru granted it to  
her, in some way.

Haruka had been thrilled upon the news, knowing instinctively that it  
was Hotaru's way of fulfilling her promise. The baby was a girl, with  
sea green hair that already grew in the style of Haruka's and blue  
eyes. A perfect child. They named her Kanpeki, which meant 'perfect.'

 

"Love?" Haruka whispered, looking up at her from her position lying with  
her head in her lover's lap.

The other girl laughed softly, tickling her face with a flower. It was late  
spring, and they were outside in their yard, sitting beneath the cherry  
blossom tree. The blossoms floated around them, drifting towards the  
ground.

Setsuna was inside the house, with Kanpeki, and Michiru could see the   
woman holding the child, cooing to her, from the patio doors not too   
far away.

"She's a wonderful godmother..." Michiru murmured idly.

Haruka sat up, pulling Michiru against her side. Michiru leaned her head  
against her shoulder, smiling. The blond kissed her head, tightening her  
arms around her.

"I wish... Hotaru-chan could have met Kanpeki," the girl said softly, her  
voice wistful, trailing her finger along Haruka's chest.

"She knows her now... She's with us." Haruka lifted up her chin slightly,   
then kissed her, slowly lowering her down to the grass.

"What's love, Haruka?" Michiru asked her, smiling, as Haruka was bending  
down again.

She paused for the briefest second to answer her question. "You."


	5. Reflections in the Mirror Part 1: The Goddess of the Sea

The girl with the wavy aqua colored hair stood, playing her violin on the  
beach. Her eyes closed, she played by memory, concentrating on nothing  
but the art she weaved with her music. The soft, salty breeze breathed  
by, playfully moving her hair around her face, hoping to distract her   
from her actions. Her feet were still in the warm sand, the warm waves   
lapping at her feet, striding towards shore, but drawn back by the magnetic  
pull of the ocean. Her long white summer dress wrapped itself around her  
legs.

The music continued, reaching anyone who would listen. They wondered who   
had the depth to play such wondrous sounds... Perhaps a sea nymph, who   
could cast spells on men with her enchanted music...? Or a siren who   
lured folk to her with her loveliness...?

Wavering, she slowed down, the spell binding song coming to an end. When   
she had finished, her violin in her hand fell to her side, her face turned   
defiantly towards the sea, the wind twisting her hair. Her bangs fluttered  
to the side, revealing her eyes, strong, but with a soft moisture there not  
caused by the salt which she had grown accustomed to...

"What am I missing?" she whispered softly, almost pleadingly. "Why do I   
feel so... alone?"

The wind blew sadly, depressively acknowledging that it had no answer to   
give...

 

Blackness. She heard something behind her... Whirling around, she barely  
opened her mouth to scream as an overwhelming force hit her, surrounded  
her, slowly killed her.

 

"Michiru-chan," her mother admonished as she walked into the dining area.   
"Were you on the beach again at this hour? It's so early."

"I like it in the mornings," Michiru replied. "It's so quiet, so peaceful.   
I can play my music there."

She sat down at the long, elegant table in her usual spot, the farthest away  
from her parents. Her mother sat to the right of her father at the other   
end, who was eating his water rice [rice soup].

"I know, dear," her mother said. "But I really think you shouldn't make a   
habit of it. I'm afraid that someone will come upon you there."

"Mother," Michiru said patiently, as the butler set down her soup in front   
of her, "no one lives close enough to us to accidentally stumble across   
there."

"You never know, Michiru-chan," her mother remarked, eating a delicate  
French pastry.

Michiru inwardly sighed. Her mother was classically beautiful. She had   
thin narrow green eyes and long, straight turquoise hair. Gentle, elegant,  
and proud, she carried herself in the manner that exuded the wealth and   
power she knew she had. Michiru's father was a tall, distinguished   
gentleman, born into wealth. He had dark, wavy blue hair and blue eyes,  
and he was kind, considerate, but tough in business. Michiru had   
inherited her mother's lovely beauty, elegance, and pride, and her father's  
shrewd intelligence and kindness.

Sweet and quiet on the exterior, she was gently defiant on the inside.   
Michiru hated losing, so she drove herself to succeed at anything she did,   
which included school, her violin playing, her painting, and her swimming.  
She never enjoyed admitting her mistakes, and so she hardly ever made  
them. Calm and placidity described her on the outside, but inwardly she  
had a temper that could be provoked. However, her control over herself   
was fine tuned, so she could reply with scathingly polite, well placed,   
inconspicuous insults, which were far worse than any yelling or screaming.  
Michiru was brilliantly gifted at painting and the violin, her true   
passions. Many of her art works were in museums or on display in art   
galleries, and she often performed in concerts, always solo. In short,   
the fifteen-year-old girl was a self-controlled, perfectionist genius,   
the essence of perfection itself.

Or so everyone thought.

"Michiru-chan," her father said, looking up. "Your mother and I will be   
attending a dinner party tonight, hosted by Dr. Mizuno."

"But she lives in Juuban," Michiru said, surprised. "That's so far away!"

"Nonsense, Michiru," her father said cheerfully. "It's only an hour or so  
away. We'll be back late, probably around three in the morning tomorrow."

"Alright," his daughter said.

"You don't mind, do you, dear?" her mother inquired.

"Of course not," Michiru answered automatically. "I'll probably just  
practice the violin, paint, or swim in the pool."

"That's good," her mother said, evidently relieved. She sipped her tea,   
holding the cup like a perfect European lady, her delicate, long fingers   
lightly closed around the handle, her pinkie slightly tilted into the air.

That was the problem, Michiru reflected inwardly. Her parents were never   
around... Of course they loved her, perhaps overly so, but the fact was   
that they were always busy. Her father was an important businessman,   
involved in world wide deals. Her mother played the flute exceptionally  
well, and she often performed in charity benefits; at other times, she  
would slave for hours over her artwork, which she cherished. Music and art  
had been passed down to her daughter... a family tradition in the blood...

"By the way, Hansei called," her mother said, casually.

Michiru, startled, dropped her spoon with a clatter on to the floor.   
"I'm sorry," she said softly, reaching down to pick it up.

"Is something wrong?" her father asked, looking at her.

"No," Michiru answered, not looking at them. "I was just surprised that  
he would call me, that's all." He knows that I detest him, she thought  
privately.

"Why?" her mother said, pushing her green hair away from her face. "He's  
a perfectly nice boy, Michiru-chan. I'd love to have him over."

"That's all right, Mother," Michiru said shortly. "I'll think about it."

Her mother shook her head, sighing with exasperation. "Really, dear,   
it's abominable the way you never date any boys."

"Mother!" Michiru's face burned, shocked that her mother would say such a   
thing to her face. "I'm just... not interested in any boy, that's all."

"Leave her alone, Mother," Michiru's father said. "She's too caught up   
with her work and her activities, isn't that right, Michiru-chan?"

"Yes, Papa," she said, thankful for his intervention.

"I was just thinking..." her mother pursed her lips together in an annoyed  
frown, shaking her head. "Oh, well. I'm sorry, Michiru-chan. You're   
popular in school, you're beautiful, you're intelligent... that's enough  
for me."

"Thank you, Mother," Michiru murmured, bitterly tasting the irony in her   
mother's critical apology.

 

"Michi-chan," Seijitsu said over the phone, "you're not busy tonight,  
are you?"

"No," Michiru said softly. Such a silly question. Seijitsu knew that  
she preferred to stay at home alone, practicing her violin or swimming  
or finishing up her latest painting... when she wasn't always at an   
elegant party, or at a swimming meet, or showing off her latest   
masterpiece. So it really wasn't such a silly question after all...

"Good," her friend answered. "I'm taking you to the race track...   
Tenoh Haruka is going to be there, and I know he's going to win again!"

"I don't know..." she answered doubtfully. "I'm not very fond of that  
sort of thing..."

"Michi-chan, you'll like it, I promise. Trust me, you've never seen   
anything like it before."

"Well... alright." She hung up the phone, walking out towards the beach.  
The sand was still warm from the setting sun, and the waves were   
soothingly cool.

Sitting down on the sand, she hardly noticed her white dress becoming   
slightly dirty as she pulled her legs together in a cross legged style.   
This was where she truly felt at peace... with the sea.

Seijitsu was her closest friend... well, as close as she could be. For some  
odd reason, Michiru never felt fully in tune with the girl. Seijitsu could  
never fully understand what Michiru wanted to say, what she couldn't say,  
not to her... It left a vague, helpless part in her feeling abandoned and  
alone.

It wasn't as if she wasn't friendly. She was polite and sweet to everyone,  
and everyone liked her, despite her perfection. She had many friends that   
admired her and wanted to be like her... So how could she be so lonely?

"I'm... not complete," she said softly to herself. "There's a part of me   
that's missing, that's just beyond my reach... What is it?"

The wind brushed by her face, soothingly, and though not satisfied with her  
problems, she felt content. "The wind..." she murmured. "It takes care of  
me, like the sea..."

Watching the sun set with faint, glowing colors, she laid back in the   
sand, her hair softly framing her face, lying peacefully alone.

 

The pain struck, harder, more memorably than before. It lasted longer,  
but was performed with quicker precision. She fell to her knees, aware  
of only the pain that echoed throughout her, and a soft murmur that   
called to her as she closed her eyes, accepting death.

 

"Here we are, Michi-chan," Seijitsu said eagerly. She grabbed Michiru's  
arm excitedly, and the other smiled with faint amusement.

Michiru had changed, putting on a loose, blue summer dress, a gold necklace,  
and white sandals. Her hair was tied up loosely with a blue ribbon.

Seijitsu, with black hair that was in a ponytail and agitated green eyes,   
stood leaning on Michiru with a yellow top and white shorts. She looked   
around quickly, taking in everything.

They stood in the stands in the front row. The bright track lights were  
on, illuminating the darkness, making it appear to be day. All around   
the girls were all sorts of people: sporty, male, female, tall, short,   
skinny, heavy, studious, young, old, in the stands, that was about 6 feet  
above the ground where the drivers and mechanics ran by.

"I'd thought you'd been here before?" Michiru remarked, watching her  
friend with a mixture of laughter and seriousness.

"Oh, I have!" the girl answered. "I'm just looking for Tenoh-san.   
I'd just die if I could meet him once!"

The blue haired girl shrugged. "Is he well known?" she said idly, not  
too interested anyway.

Several people next to them stared at her as if she had grown three   
heads.

"Is he _well-known_?" one blond girl finally said, aghast. "Miss,  
he's only _the_ best racer in all of Tokyo!"

"Tenoh-san is the perfect athlete," a man, probably her brother or   
boyfriend, added. "I heard he plays all sports and he always wins   
first in all of them!"

"Oh, really?" Michiru said politely, somewhat interested, but more from   
boredom than anything else. She knew she should have stayed at home and   
done something constructive...

"It's starting!" Seijitsu squealed suddenly, pulling Michiru down to sit  
on the bench, then jumping immediately up when Tenoh Haruka's name was   
called.

"Ara, Seijitsu-chan," Michiru murmured, but the other didn't hear her.

The famous driver walked out, and all of the crowd surged up, screaming  
his name. Several girls were leaning over the guardrail as he passed   
by it, yelling at throwing him their phone numbers. Michiru was shocked,  
not at the girls' lack of self-control but at the feeling she had   
received when Haruka had walked by...

The announcer's voice was loud, excited, and thrilling. "In car number  
1 is Tenoh Haruka!" Here, screaming continued. "In car number 2 is-"

Michiru could not hear the name, or would not, all of her attention focused  
on the driver of car number 1. She stared at him, her heart pounding.  
The driver was so familiar... It was as if they had met before, in   
another life time...

Once the race started, no one sat down. Everyone was wildly cheering or  
screaming or doing something, and the favor seemed to be with Tenoh. His  
yellow car was agile and fast, and he controlled it with a skill that  
one is born with and perfected to the best of one's ability...

He won easily, and Michiru felt sorely disappointed when it was over. It  
was as if she had been with Tenoh in his car, riding with him... In fact,  
she could almost feel the speed, the danger... Which was all so  
ridiculous... She didn't even know the driver.

Tenoh got out of his car, surrounded by reporters and overly supportive  
fans. He made a sign, and all activity around him suddenly stopped. The  
crowd was unusually silent as he pulled off his helmet... and Michiru  
found herself looking into a pair of intense green eyes. Tenoh seemed to  
fix his gaze directly on her, and Michiru stared back, and suddenly a   
realization hit her.

"But that's a girl..." Michiru found herself saying in the awed silence of  
the spectators. She was immediately horrified, realizing that she had  
interrupted the smooth balance of nothingness. Everyone who heard, which  
was about _everyone_, stared at her in wide-eyed, contemptuous amazement.

"Are you blind?" one man finally said rudely. "Anyone can see that   
Tenoh-san is a guy... It's pretty obvious, don't you think?"

"Michi-chan," Seijitsu said, tugging on her arm. "Let's go."

Michiru was only too glad to comply.

But there was an undeniable... pull towards Haruka that Michiru felt. It  
was an odd feeling, something she had never felt towards anyone before.   
Like an attraction...

 

She stood confidently poised, the picture of calm serenity and grace.   
Inside she was a nervous wreck. She didn't know why; she usually always  
was at ease with concerts. Probably because tonight she had felt that  
something was going to happen...?

Before, she had gone out to the sea again, her one true friend and companion.  
It had been violent, waves crashing, sky dark, her feelings in a jumble  
of tangles...

It had offered her no answer... Disappointed, she walked to the theater  
instead of taking a taxi. Walking gave her time to think, as she did.

Presently, she grew aware of someone watching her... It was unnerving,   
the feeling of having one stare at you, without your knowledge... She   
turned around, but saw no one in the empty street. Puzzled, she faced   
forward again and continued on her way. Carrying her violin case in   
both hands, she knew that someone _was_ watching her...

A step from behind her. She stopped. She glanced behind her, finding  
a lovely woman with long green hair standing there, in the light of a   
streetlamp.

"Hello, Michiru-san," the woman said, smiling. Well dressed, calm,   
beautiful.

"Do I know you?" Michiru asked in wonder, for she felt as if she must.

"We met a... long time ago," the other murmured, choosing her words   
carefully.

"I'm sorry," Michiru said, blushing slightly, "but I don't recall your  
name."

"It's alright... I expected as much," she answered. "I am Meioh   
Setsuna."

Setsuna held out her hand, which Michiru shook. Shock raced through   
Michiru's body suddenly, leaving her feeling dizzy. She put her hand  
to her head, unaware that a bright sign had lit her forehead a moment  
ago. When she regained her composure, she looked up, and saw that   
no one was there.

"Meioh... Setsuna..."

 

She moved her arm carefully over the strings, the bow persuading the   
loveliest sounds from them. Her eyes were closed, and she was in her  
own world, where nothing could hurt her, only her music would surround  
her.

Music had always been her escape from the pressures of life. Painting  
and swimming were alternative outlets, but this was the best. Music  
was beautiful, music was relaxing, music was her.

When she finished, she reluctantly pulled herself away from her wondrous  
world, back into reality, where she smiled at the audience as it clapped   
enthusiastically.

For as long as she could remember, she had always had the special gift to  
bring people around her with her, into her world, though for only the few  
brief minutes she played. They knew it, unconsciencely, and they relished  
the invitation, and when they had to leave, they felt remorseful.

So their appreciation was honest, and she nodded politely, gracefully, with  
an arrogant modesty. For the shortest moment, she could understand those  
in the audience, read them, for their guard was down, and they were open,  
vulnerable. A distinct advantage, her mother had told her breezily, to be  
able to read people.

She took the opportunity to look around, study the people. Some she knew  
from previous concerts, some she didn't. All wealthy, all prominent upper  
class citizens from various parts of Tokyo. Each was different, interesting,  
fascinating. Each had their own lives to return to, severed from her own,  
back into themselves.

What a wonderful musician... A lovely girl... Very talented... I wonder  
if she'll play at the Taki's party next week...? Very poignant music...  
Michiru's eyes froze on someone at the very back of the room, a person  
who was leaning back in his chair, casually watching her with equal interest.

Not a he, a she. Michiru's eyes narrowed. Tenoh Haruka. The racer smiled  
vaguely at her, seeming to read her thoughts.

Tenoh-san was different, she could sense it. A music lover, to be sure, but  
not one to be taken in fully, only warily. Tenoh-san took a sip of her  
drink , then allowed her eyes to drift away   
disinterestedly.

The girl on stage paused. Then the spell was over, the crowd awoke from its  
dream. Michiru bowed, then walked off the stage. Moving along the dark  
corridor, she smiled at the others who congratulated her on her excellent  
performance, then walked faster, an urgency in her chest.

She kept walking until she was alone. She stopped, hearing nothing, then  
saw a door at the end of the hallway and exited onto the balcony. It was  
empty, everyone inside watching the rest of the performers.

The balcony overlooked the sea, and Michiru felt better. She sometimes felt  
this way after a recital. A sudden, overwhelming pain inside of her, it  
screamed to be let out, only soothed by the sea air. It usually only   
happened when her mother was watching her.

Her mother was always highly critical of her. Loving, yes, but too much so  
in a way. Michiru always held her breath, waiting for her mother's approving  
nod or disappointed avoidance of gaze. Her mother was so harsh with her  
talents, music, painting, swimming... But she was her harshest critic, of  
course.

She felt herself calming down. Tilting her head, she looked up at the stars  
and the full white moon. It was so wonderful, so beautiful, so peaceful.  
She sometimes thought that had she not been connected with the sea, she  
would have been in tune with the seeming harmony of the universe. She was  
a Pisces, guardian planet Neptune.

Ironic, that... Neptune, she knew from mythology, was the Roman god of the  
sea. Her parents, being the mythology lovers they were, had thought it   
quaint to name her Michiru, which meant "to rise", as in tides, as well as  
"mature" and "full", in accordance to her family name, "Sea king". It made  
sense... She felt that her true place was among the sea.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" a voice remarked from at her side. She quickly   
stood up, her head turning towards the sound.

"Good evening," she said formally to Tenoh Haruka.

Haruka gave her a sidelong look, studying her for a moment. Michiru felt   
embarrassed, also a bit angry. She could have at least _answered_ her.

The other turned to look at the sky again. "It's such a clear night... You  
can see all the stars right now... Usually the smog from Tokyo drifts to  
cover the sky so you can't see anything."

Michiru said nothing.

"You look nice," Haruka said suddenly, eyes sharp. "How do you manage  
it?"

She blinked, looking down at herself. Just a tastefully elegant white  
dress, with a blue sash across it. She had an aquamarine necklace on,  
and a blue ribbon to hold her hair up in a ponytail type of style.

"How do I look nice?" she asked cautiously.

"I've never seen someone take simplicity and make it look better than  
something rich or better than the expensive clothes."

"This cost 10,000 yen," Michiru said, smiling in faint amusement.   
"Rather expensive, actually..."

Haruka shrugged. "It's still simple looking, and I'd have no idea why   
you'd buy it for 10,000 yen. It still looks good on you."

"Thank you," Michiru said, somewhat confused. "You look nice too."

Haruka really did. She wore a black tuxedo, and while black obviously  
wasn't her best color, she looked good in it, nevertheless. Her blond  
bangs hung from her forehead, occasionally tousled by the breeze. Her  
green eyes were sharp and clear.

She smiled, not nicely, but not rude or mean. Rather mildly mocking.   
"What's a nice girl like you doing being the best violinist I've ever   
heard?"

Michiru should have felt angry, she knew it. Haruka was in a minor way  
patronizing her... But she did it with such casualness, such a charming  
smile as to not affect anger. And in a way, she felt flattered...

"The usual," Michiru answered, laughing, though it was somewhat forced.  
"Impressing everyone with my talent, gaining their approval and   
affection..."

"Like a dream," Haruka said helpfully. "That's what your music was like...  
A dream world was what you were creating."

Michiru stopped laughing. No one had ever said that before about her  
music, no one had understood what it really was with such stunning   
clarity. "How... did you know?"

"When you play, you become relaxed, you look fully with the music, as   
if you were it personified," Haruka mused aloud. She stared at Michiru  
thoughtfully.

The other started to feel suffocated all of a sudden. She felt too   
exposed to this stranger who knew so much about her already. Reaching  
up, she moved to untie her hair.

Haruka's hand on her wrist stopped her. "Leave it, Kaioh-san. It's  
very pretty."

Michiru flushed. "Why do I feel as if I know you from before? I hadn't   
even seen or heard about you until that day at the track."

The racer didn't answer for a minute. "Supposedly, in astrology, Uranus  
and Neptune are related... Your guardian planet is Neptune, right?   
Mine is Uranus..."

The violinist saw that while it was a vague answer, it was far more   
appropriate than any other one Haruka could have given.

They were silent, standing there, watching the waves and the stars.

Michiru was startled as Haruka suddenly put her arm around her, drawing  
her close, protectively. The embrace was warm, she felt at ease in it.

"Shh," Haruka hissed. "Someone's watching us..."

"Quite right, Tenoh Haruka-san."

That voice, Michiru vaguely recognized it.

Meioh Setsuna appeared from the shadows of the other side of the balcony.

"Meioh Setsuna-san?"

"You know her, Michiru?" Haruka said, surprised, dropping all hints of   
formality.

"I met her this afternoon..."

Setsuna smiled. "I'm glad you're both together again, Haruka-san,   
Michiru-san. It's going to be very helpful."

"Helpful?" Haruka demanded. She was perversely irritated. "What do you  
mean?"

Setsuna gave them both direct stares, about to speak. "I-"

Voices calling Haruka... Setsuna stopped, eyes narrowing. Michiru saw  
a few men coming out onto the balcony. Friends of hers, perhaps. She  
turned to look back at Setsuna, but discovered that the woman had   
disappeared without a trace.

Michiru remembered where she was. She pulled away from Haruka, who seemed  
embarrassed as well.

"Thank you, Tenoh-san, for talking with me," she said politely, her voice  
becoming cool and distant. "I hope to see you again in the near future."

Haruka's eyes widened. "Kaioh-san," she said as Michiru was leaving through  
the door.

Michiru didn't answer, just left. Her heart was pounding, her head spinning.  
The encounter with Setsuna hadn't disturbed her nearly as much as the one  
with Haruka. Why had she been so... intimate with a stranger?

 

She screamed. The pain ripped through her body. Something slashed downwards,  
like claws... She fell to her knees, her mind on her wounds. God, wake   
up, make me wake up from this dream, this horrible dream, it's so damn real,  
_please_.

She looked up, the figure was standing above her, about to kill her, she  
knew it. Suddenly a bright light shone, and a stick appeared in front of   
her. The light blinded the figure, and her hand went for the stick,   
reaching, reaching...

"Take it, Michiru..."

She awoke.

A dream... It really _was_ just a dream... But... She looked at her hands.  
In her left one was a stick... from her dream? She dropped it onto the  
covers of her bed, and it fell, then disappeared.

What had she done? It was gone... Maybe she was hallucinating, yet it had  
felt so real in her hand. She groaned suddenly, grabbing her left arm. It  
hurt, right where she had been slashed in the nightmare... The nightmare  
that had been haunting her for the past month... The same one, over and  
over again, becoming more vividly alive each time...

 

"You received a call today, Michiru-chan," her mother said as the maid  
poured some tea for her. "From some boy..."

"Oh," Michiru answered, not interested.

"Some Tenoh Haruka."

Michiru caught herself from showing any reaction. "Really? When?"

"Just last night while you were out with your friend. He wanted you to  
meet him someplace tonight." Her mother looked surprised. "Is he   
your boyfriend, Michiru-chan?"

She turned faintly scarlet. "Ara, no, of course not. S-He's just a  
friend." It wouldn't do for her mother to find out Haruka was a girl.

"Well, _I_ told him you'd call him back, but he said no, very polite,  
just that you should go to the park and see him at about 5."

"Thank you, Mother," Michiru said. She poked her food on her plate.   
She was not very hungry right then. "May I be excused?"

Her father looked up from his newspaper, noting her full plate.   
"Michiru-chan, you haven't touched your food. Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really," Michiru admitted. "I'm going to Tokyo today; if I'm   
hungry I'll just buy something."

Her parents nodded, not questioning her plans. She was responsible, she  
knew what she was doing.

"Very well, just don't forget your meeting tonight." Her mother could be  
extremely persistent.

"I won't, Mother," Michiru said. She could be very stubborn herself.   
"I'll be back later tonight. Good-bye, Father, Mother." Standing up,   
she left her chair, immediately leaving the house through the front   
door, not wasting any time.

Entering the garage, she got into her white car, European, and started  
for the city. She drove a lot to the city. She always hated using   
the chauffeur; everyone always stared at her like she was different.

The sky was clear today, the sun, warm and bright. Her window was open,  
so she could feel the breeze blow through it. A lovely day... Yet she  
still felt uneasy.

Why does Haruka want to see me? She asked herself, wrestling with the question  
in her mind. It's not as if we have anything in common... Except for  
what Meioh Setsuna was saying, about us being together would be helpful...  
She reflected minorly on that she really had never met the woman before,  
though the woman seemed to think otherwise.

She drifted back to the main point ahead of her- seeing Haruka. From what  
she could recall, Haruka's main characteristic was a smug arrogance. Apt,  
she supposed, since Haruka really was a very talented woman. Woman, not  
man, she reminded herself. And a very attractive woman. In some way, the  
girl was a cross between pretty and handsome; Michiru could see both at the  
same time. Another reason to be so self-confident.

The car slowed down at a light, but Michiru hardly noticed. Haruka was...  
not exactly serious, but playful was not the word to describe her.   
Intense, perhaps. That was a better word. Intensity was in her every move,  
in every word she spoke, in every look she gave. Dedicated to her   
sports... As Michiru was dedicated to her painting and violin...

The car moved on, and gradually the main city came into view; thoughts of  
Haruka slipped behind mental curtains, shutting out temporarily the   
question she refused to ask herself. Do _I_ want to see _her_?

She was in a smaller section of Tokyo... Juuban, a very quiet, quaint area  
of the city, but the stores and restaurants were surprisingly good. She  
found an empty space and parked her car there. Getting out, she ignored  
the rush of people who ran to get a good look at her car, including   
elementary schoolers, other junior high students, and high school students.

She ducked away in time, narrowly avoiding the expected onslaught of curious  
questions about the car. It had happened so many times before on so many  
of her different cars that she was now an expert on all sorts of cars...  
A quaint hobby, useful maybe later on in her life.

Michiru pushed her hair behind her ears and began looking with delight at  
all the stores. Shopping and collecting cosmetics were two of her favorite   
non-artistic activities. She was feminine to the core, though she would  
never act insipid or frail. She simply enjoyed being a girl, wearing   
stylish, feminine clothes and acting with the certain arrogantly sweet air  
she possessed.

She walked down the sidewalk, peering in to every store, looking in from  
the windows. Sliding her hand on the glass, she paused in front of a cafe  
as she saw a girl with an unusual hair style, in blond odango, grabbing  
food with another little girl, with pink rabbit shaped odango. They were  
arguing, making a scene, and she couldn't help but laugh.

Just then a tall, handsome man with black hair appeared, and both girls   
latched on to him possessively, while their friends all looked chagrined.

Odd... Looking at them, Michiru's smile slowly faded as she stared   
thoughtfully through the pane of glass. She felt as if she knew them,   
from before. There was something wonderfully inviting about the whole   
scene. They were all very close; they had some friendship deeper than  
the term 'friends' implied...

And that blond girl, and the man. Watching them, she knew that had something  
special between each other... A deep bond, love maybe. Well, obviously  
love...

Do you want that someday, Michiru? To be loved like that girl is? Do you  
think you'll ever find someone who will care for you like he does for her?

She pulled herself away from the window, moving on, before she was noticed  
and wondered about. Just be like everyone else, just another person in the  
crowd. Is that what she really wanted from life? To be normal?

She entered a clothing store. Looking through clothes, she pulled out a sea  
green dress, one that matched her hair. Going to a mirror, she held it in  
front of her, twisting this way and that, getting the feel for how it looked  
on her.

Do you want to be normal? Do you want to stop being gifted, special? Why  
would you want to just be a nobody?

Because then I wouldn't feel so alone! I wouldn't have these dreams every  
night of something I can feel, but can't see. I wouldn't be so confused...  
I wouldn't be so tired of being who I am.

The dress... Undeniably lovely, with a unique style, yet simplistic.   
Like me, she thought to herself. Exactly like me.

She looked up at the sales clerk waiting patiently for her to assist.   
"I'll take it," she said, smiling.

 

"Michiru..."

"Uranus!" she shrieked. "No!"

"Michiru!" An answering scream, then silence.

I can't see! Where is she? Her frantic thoughts shifting and tumbling.  
I have to help her!

The waves... large tsunamis crashing into the city... The sky a turbulent  
black... A black force destroying everything, everyone, heading towards  
her, slowly, surely.

"Uranus!" She cried again.

Movement behind her. She whirled around, seeing the black mass shift into a  
figure, a girl cloaked in a black flowing robe, holding a sickle in her  
hand. Sneering, the girl slashed downwards with the sickle, ripping into  
her arm. She fell screaming to her knees, and as the vision of cold purple  
eyes entered her mind, she saw the blade flash in the air and felt the cold  
metal enter her.

 

It was odd. The visions had never come to her while she was awake...   
And this one was different... Strangely different, in the sense that   
she could see everything, and this had taken place sometime after the  
other ones...

She blinked, continuing walking as if nothing had happened. Uranus...   
Who was that...? Why did she feel such passionate attachment and fear   
for that person? Had Uranus died? And was she responsible for that death?

She glanced at her watch, an expensive gold one that fit around her slender  
wrist. About ten minutes to five. She had better head over to the park.  
Crossing the road, she glanced quickly to avoid cars heading towards her,  
and hurried on to the park.

As she neared it, she could hear music playing and people laughing. She could  
see them milling around the trees, realizing that this was the week that   
there was a carnival there. She had gone there when she was little, with  
her father and mother. When she had turned thirteen, she had stopped going,  
though she was not exactly sure why. Probably since that was the year  
when her father's major business deal went through, and when her mother was  
invited to tour Europe with her flute...

Regardless, she felt a sort of quickening inside of her. Carnivals were  
to be fun, right? She badly needed to feel free... But she had to meet  
Haruka.

Immediately, she felt annoyed with herself, slowing her pace down.   
Resentment filled her, though unwarranted. Why should some arrogant  
girl stop her from enjoying herself for the first time in a long  
while?

She thought for a moment, then defiantly pushed her bangs out of her  
face and thought rebelliously, 'Screw Haruka.'

Her blue eyes widened in a delighted childishness as she looked around.   
Booths were set up everywhere, along with tents and tables and food carts.  
She really did feel free, free from all the pressures of her life, free   
from her worries about her visions, free from every single thing that   
mattered in her life. Free to be herself.

She wandered around, looking here, playing a game there, always, always  
watching everyone around her. People were fascinating to watch. Her eyes  
always found happy people. Families, together, laughing; young couples  
whispering and hanging on to each other; friends giggling at each other.

It was nearing eight when she saw the House of Mirrors. A maze made of   
mirrors; when she was younger, she had always ran through it, valiantly   
trying to find her way out but never succeeding. She had always had to   
call to her parents to find her, which they did; they had led her out,   
soothing her frustrated and frightened tears.

She entered the maze, slowly walking around. She was startled as she saw  
someone, but felt ridiculous, irritated even, at her reaction. This is  
a house of _mirrors_, Michiru, she told herself as she saw it was her   
reflection. You're supposed to see yourself.

Trailing her fingers along the glass, she moved along, looking to find an  
exit, only seeing herself. It was unnerving. One hardly ever saw oneself,  
except in a mirror... And now she could see herself all the time.

Her thoughts shifted abruptly back to her vision, for no apparent reason.  
Mirrors...? Uranus... That girl with the sickle... Who was that girl  
too? She had such evil, cold eyes that mocked as she had sliced through  
Michiru, slowly and neatly. She shuddered at the memory of the pain.

"Michiru-san."

Michiru looked up, seeing a woman in the reflection of the mirror. She  
turned around. "Setsuna-san."

Setsuna smiled. "Michiru-san, please listen to me... I was hoping  
that Haruka would be with you..."

"I don't know where she is," Michiru said, almost childishly, as if  
she was being scolded.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Setsuna said, ignoring Michiru's tone. "It   
would have been better had the two of you been together."

"What would have been better?" Michiru asked, eyes narrowing. "Look,  
I don't even know who you are... What do you want from me?"

The green haired woman smiled, slightly. "Michiru-san, and you were  
always the calm, sensitive one..."

Michiru was silent. She felt guilty, once again angry at herself for  
acting so rudely. "I'm sorry, Setsuna-san... I'm not usually so...   
immature," she said softly, carefully.

"Anyone else would have reacted to your visions in a much worse way, I  
assure you," Setsuna remarked quietly.

"Visions... How did you know?" Her voice was puzzled, but not shocked.

"Take a look around you, Michiru," Setsuna said, indicating with her  
arms. "What do you see?"

Still confused, Michiru did so, seeing nothing but mirrors. She glanced  
at Setsuna warily. "I don't see anything but myself, in the mirrors.  
Simply reflections."

"Reflections... They tell you who you are, Michiru-san," Setsuna   
murmured. "You are the girl in the mirror, and she is you... Take   
another look."

Feeling extremely impatient, she turned around, then gasped in shock. The  
mirror showed her... Yet in a different dress. The girl was staring back  
at her with the same expression. The reflection had on a strange attire,  
a sea-green skirt, collar, choker, and shoes. On her forehead she had a  
tiara, and she wore a white body suit with two blue bows, one in front,  
one in back. The reflection did everything that Michiru did...

"That's... me..." she whispered, and as she touched the mirror, the image  
dissolved back into her normal self.

She turned around again, seeing no one there. Setsuna... Where had she  
gone?

 

A sharp blade, slicing downwards, a faint light glinting off the metal.

"Uranus!" She screamed as it cut into the girl.

"Neptune... Michiru..." the girl whispered, reaching out to her, before  
succumbing to the other side.

"Uranus!" She ran forwards, but the figure landed in front of her. Flashing  
purple eyes, large, luminous, deadly. She could see the perfect calmness  
in those eyes, the perfectly evil smile on her lips, the perfectly executed  
slash...

 

"Michiru! Michiru!"

Someone was shaking her. She moaned, putting her hand to her head... She   
felt so dizzy. The vision had suddenly become so vibrant... And she was   
called Neptune?

She opened her eyes, startled to see Haruka holding her, looking down at her  
with relief.

"Tenoh-san," she said softly. "What are you doing here?"

Haruka helped her to sit up, making her realize that she had fainted.  
_Fainted_. God, she had never fainted in her life.

"I was looking for you," Haruka said. She grinned. "It wasn't very easy,   
considering the flood of people here... For some reason, after a while,   
I decided to come here, just for the hell of it, I guess."

"Did you see Meioh Setsuna here?" Michiru asked.

Haruka's eyes narrowed. "She was here? I'm not surprised... That woman  
is everywhere... But, no, I didn't see her."

Michiru got to her feet. "Thank you for helping me, Tenoh-san. But I   
really didn't want to see you."

The blond smiled slightly. "Then why did you come here in the first place?"

She flushed, knowing Haruka saw through her bluff. "I would like to know   
why you wanted to meet me."

Haruka shrugged, touching one of the mirrors, eyes connecting with Michiru's  
through the reflection. "I wanted to get to know you better, that's all,"  
she said shortly. "I thought we could be friends."

Michiru arched an eyebrow, suddenly sardonically amused. "You hardly know   
me, but you wish to be friends already?"

"I know you a lot better than you think, Michiru," Haruka said. "And you   
know more about me than you're letting on."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Michiru said, avoiding the other's  
gaze, voice clipped. "I'd rather not see you again, if you don't mind."

"Why?" Haruka was mildly angry. "I haven't done anything, to my knowledge,  
to provoke you to say such a thing."

"You make me uncomfortable," Michiru answered, not bothering to make up a   
story. Her eyes swerved back to the mirror to stare into Haruka's green   
ones. "I don't trust you either."

Haruka was silent. Michiru watched her without moving.

"You've had visions?" Haruka said suddenly, turning around. Her eyes were   
narrowed.

Michiru remained unmoving, standing straight. "What a silly thing to say.  
I don't see things; I'm not crazy."

"Neither am I," Haruka retorted. "What does being crazy have to do anything?  
Let me tell you something... _I've_ had visions, visions where I've seen   
the world ending, where I've seen things happening that no one can possibly   
imagine if they weren't true, _felt_ myself being killed... You can't feel  
pain in dreams..."

She stood right in front of Michiru, grabbing the girl's arms. "I know   
you've seen the same."

"Let me go." Her head was down, and she was violently trying to keep herself  
from losing her self control.

"Haven't you?" Haruka asked, ignoring the command.

It hurts, she's hurting me. So what if I have, so what if we have the same  
dreams all the time? Why should I have to admit anything to her? What the  
hell does she want me to say to her? Tell her that I'm scared of what I   
see? Scared that I'll never be normal? Scared that if something happens,  
I'll be responsible?

"Let me _go_!" Michiru snapped. She shot out her leg, forcefully tripping   
Haruka's leg, so that the girl fell down, losing her grip on the other.

"Tenoh Haruka," she said softly, staring down at her. "I don't want to ever  
see you again. Just leave things where they are at, and if you _ever_   
touch me like that again, I swear I'll make you wish you'd never met me."

She left, somehow managing to find her way out of the mirror maze. When she  
was outside again, the sky was dark, and the carnival had closed down.   
That was strange, usually it lived well into the next morning...

There was a sharp, cold wind, and she suddenly wished she had a jacket.   
Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was almost eleven. Had she spent   
three hours in there? Shivering, she started to walk out of the park, to   
find her car.

She thought how odd it really was that no one was around. The park was   
larger than she had first thought, the House of Mirrors farther inwards than  
she remembered. Walking quickly, she became frantic as she walked for ten  
minutes without still reaching the exit. The wind blew the trees, and dark  
shadows surrounded her. The moon was full, and its silvery light provided  
small compensation for the darkness of the world.

Calm down, Michiru, she told herself. God, you're so paranoid, so excitable  
today... Just think, try to remember the way out of this place, and you'll  
get there. It's just a _park_.

She tried taking her own advice. She stopped, taking a deep breath,   
visualizing where she was. It had a somewhat soothing effect on her.

She hated being in the dark alone. It always reminded her of floating in   
coldness, wrapped in its icy grip. The dark brought back childhood fears   
that her vivid imagination had conjured up for the explicit purpose of   
scaring herself. Usually she could always ignore her involuntary fears; she  
was sensible, she could deal with them. But lately, her fears were the   
fears in her dreams... Of that beautifully cold girl with her sharp blade   
of death...

She found her way out of the park, thankfully. The city was oddly silent as  
well... What was the matter with her? Why was she feeling so strange?

She walked down the street; the streetlights were all out. Why? It was if  
someone had planned this all out, planned this to happen to her...

"Michiru-san."

She stopped, knowing who it was. "Setsuna-san... What is going on?" She   
turned around.

Setsuna had a calm look on her face. "Do you feel this coldness,   
Michiru-san? This absence of life? Does it scare you?"

"Yes..." Her response was soft. "It feels like I'm the only one alive...  
Or that I'm dead."

"This is what will happen to every single thing, Michiru-san," Setsuna  
whispered, the wind blowing her hair. "Life as you know it will cease  
to exist..."

"What are you talking about?"

"The Silence... The one from your dreams... It's a very dangerous threat,  
very real," Setsuna explained. "The girl you see... That is the one who   
shall bring the Silence to this world... The Dark Messiah."

"How do you know this?" Michiru asked, confused, and something along with a  
quiet fear was inside of her... A sense of responsibility... for what?

"When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you saw someone else, did you   
not?" Setsuna said.

"She looked like me," Michiru answered. "But she was strong, very powerful,  
very beautiful in a sense. She seemed like she had a purpose..."

"Just as you are, just as you do," the other said. "I know you very well,   
Michiru. All the troubles you feel are because of this ultimate feeling  
of duty. You have to prevent the Silence, the end of the world."

"How am I to do that?"

"That girl in the mirror... She was you. That is who has been locked   
inside of you for many years, trapped in your reflection if you will...  
She is the one who is to find the three Talismans, with her partner,   
to stop this world from its inevitable death."

"Partner? Talismans?" Michiru whispered.

"You will know, in due time, Michiru," Setsuna said gently, smiling.   
"This is all very confusing... But you will understand very soon..."

"I... I suppose so," Michiru said, confused. She looked at the ground   
for a moment, thinking. "You said this... mission is the root of all  
my problems..."

"It is." Setsuna gave her a sharp glance. "Because of who you are, you  
can't accept yourself. Michiru, you must accept who you are before you  
can move on."

"You don't understand," Michiru said dully, looking away. Just as I   
thought you wouldn't...

"I do, far better than you think... Your loneliness... I have been   
lonely for centuries, Michiru..."

The girl was shocked. "You... are lonely too?"

"Yes." She smiled, a soft bitter one. "But unlike myself, your   
loneliness will fade away. You will find what you're looking for."

"I haven't yet."

"What about Haruka?"

Michiru was stunned at the question. "What about her?"

"Do you feel lonely with her?"

"I..." She was very confused all of a sudden. She never had felt lonely   
with Haruka... She had felt as if she was whole...

"Sailor Neptune."

"Someone... called me that, in my dream," Michiru murmured.

"That is who you are, the name of the other part of you from the mirror."   
Setsuna held out her hand and something dropped into it. She pressed it  
into Michiru's hand.

"What is this?" She took it, feeling warmth radiating out from it.

"This is a henshin stick," Setsuna said. "You must use it to become Sailor  
Neptune, the one who can end this senseless destruction before it happens."

"And if I don't?" It was not a defiant question, merely one to reinstate  
her knowing acceptance of what Setsuna had said.

"Then everything you saw, everything you felt in those dreams will come   
true..." She turned to leave. "Like that other girl in the vision.   
Your destiny is to be fulfilled; you have no other path."

"Setsuna-san?" Michiru's question was urgent.

"Yes?"

"Who are you?"

Setsuna smiled. "I am what you are... A warrior, a protector of this   
world... We will meet again."

The woman walked away, then vanished.

Michiru watched the spot where she had gone, feeling an unbelievable awe,   
wonderment... She looked at the stick, recognizing it as one she had seen   
before.

"Is she right?" she whispered, touching the stick, her fingers gliding over  
it. "Is this my destiny?"

The stick vibrated slightly, and Michiru closed her eyes, feeling a warmth   
encompass her. She opened her eyes, then with a shock found herself in a   
different place, a place simply a soft sea-green. She herself was nude,  
but it was comforting, almost free.

"Kaioh Michiru," a voice whispered.

"Who is it?" Michiru asked, turning around, seeing no one.

A figure materialized in front of her, a small one, floating above her hands.

"You're- you're me," Michiru said.

"I am," the girl smiled. She wore a long, sea green dress, and she bore  
a mark on her forehead, the sign of Neptune. "I'm your inner spirit."

"My... inner spirit?"

"Michiru, please follow me." The tiny girl floated ahead, Michiru following  
her.

"You are Sailor Neptune... But in order to become her, you must understand  
your past, and be able to live with yourself and your future." The spirit  
seemed calm.

Michiru looked down. "My past?"

"In your past, you were Sailor Neptune, protector of the Silver Millennium,  
the alliance of the planets around the moon," the spirit said, smiling.  
"Your duty was to protect the galaxy from outer attacks, along with  
Sailor Pluto and Sailor Uranus."

The spirit stopped, floating towards Michiru's forehead, gently pressing  
the skin with her hands. The Neptune sign flared when she lifted her  
hands off.

"I... I remember," Michiru whispered to herself.

 

"Uranus, how are you doing?" She smiled down at the blond in the bed.

"Pretty ok, that last attack kind of hurt." Uranus smiled weakly.

"Stupid," she whispered, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.   
"Didn't I tell you to get out of the way?"

"Neptune..."

"I said I'd protect you. When I say that, I mean it. Next time don't  
do something so dumb again, or I won't forgive you." She smiled   
again, though she was near tears.

 

"This is the last time we'll be like this together," Uranus whispered,  
holding her tightly as they danced. "The princess's 16th birthday is  
the last important event before we have to take our official duties..."

"Uranus..." You feel so warm, please don't let me go.

 

"Queen Serenity," she said, bowing down.

"Neptune. Uranus. Pluto." The Queen was grim. "You realize that Beryl  
and Metallia on Earth intend to attack soon."

"Yes, Serenity-sama," Uranus said. "We will leave our duties and try to  
prevent them from attacking."

"No!" Serenity said, sharply. "Your duties are important... Do not try   
anything until it is absolutely necessary."

"Queen Serenity," Pluto said gently, "it may be too late by then."

"I'm well aware of that, Pluto. But if something else should happen, I'd  
never forgive myself from taking you from your posts. Just please keep  
alert."

"Yes, Queen Serenity," they answered.

 

She screamed in pain. She could hear the others screaming too.

"Pluto! Uranus!" she shrieked.

"Neptune!" Uranus yelled. Then she screamed again, her voice dying  
out.

"URANUS!" A blast of energy struck her, and she could feel no more.

 

"Mother, please." The plea was quietly desperate.

"Michiru-chan... I'm sorry, we can't make it to your concert."

"But..."

"I'll make it up to you, I promise."

 

"Supposedly, in astrology, Uranus and Neptune are related... Your   
guardian planet is Neptune, right? Mine is Uranus..."

Haruka... was Sailor Uranus?!

 

Michiru looked up with a start.

The spirit nodded. "Tenoh Haruka is Sailor Uranus, your partner."

"That's why she's so familiar..." Michiru whispered.

"Your entire loneliness is because you and her are meant to be together.  
Please, realize this... And accept yourself and her. The future of   
the world depends on you two."

Michiru closed her eyes. When she opened them, she saw that she was   
standing alone, on the street in the darkness. She opened her hand,   
staring at the stick.

I am Sailor Neptune, guardian of the planet of the abyss and seas,  
Neptune...

She drove home, slowly, thinking about what Setsuna and her spirit  
had said. As she drove past the sea, her eyes caught someone  
standing on the cliff, near the road, watching the sea.

She slowed the car down, stopping it near the person.

"Hello, are you lost?" she inquired, the window rolled down.

The person didn't turn around, still watching the sea.

"Do you need a ride home?" Michiru tried again.

"No, I'm alright, Michiru," the person said.

"Haruka?"

Haruka turned her head slightly, smiling with a vagueness at her.

Michiru looked down at the wheel, not knowing what to say. She knew now  
how Haruka was related to her, but she hadn't expected to meet her so   
soon after the discovery. What was she supposed to say?

"You should really look at this," Haruka said, staring at the waves  
again. "You'd like it. It's really beautiful."

Obediently, Michiru stopped the engine, getting out of the car. She  
slowly walked to Haruka's side, eyes widening as she saw what held   
the other's attention so.

"It's wonderful," Michiru breathed. The ocean was a dark blue, waves  
crashing against the rocks below, the moonlight casting a white look  
to the sea.

"It reminds me of you," Haruka said, not looking at her.

Michiru glanced sharply at the other's face, which was serious.

"You remind me of a lot of things," Michiru said quietly, turning her  
head away again.

Haruka laughed softly. "That's a typical response, Neptune."

"You... know?"

"Yeah... I guess you do too."

"I remember everything from before. We were close, weren't we?"

"I'd say more than close," Haruka said, amused.

"Do... you still feel the same way?" Michiru was annoyed with herself.  
Damn, why couldn't she just _say_ what she knew she wanted to tell   
Haruka?

She was surprised when Haruka kissed her on the cheek. She stared at   
the girl, unsure of what to say, embarrassed by her loss of words.

Haruka looked faintly red, coughing. "I do feel the same... But you   
might not... I guess that was dumb to do... Why am I so damn _nervous_."

Michiru laughed, a genuine, unmocking one. Haruka smiled in spite of  
herself, at herself.

"That answered my question," Haruka murmured, putting her arm around   
the other. "I'm glad I met you again, Michiru."

Michiru smiled, feeling warm against Haruka. "I'm glad I met _you_   
again," she whispered.

The loneliness inside of her was drying up, disappearing. Whatever  
she had to do for the world could wait. Right then she was content  
to be with Haruka, safe with the knowledge that whatever she had in  
the future, it would be with the other, together.


	6. Reflections in the Mirror Part 2: The Emperor of the Skies

She stared at the cut on her finger with a fascinated detachment. Red  
blood dripped slowly out, and she vaguely wondered how she could have   
been so careless. She put the finger underneath the sink, washing it   
out with soap. She found a bandage in her mirror cabinet, which she put  
on the cut.

Taking care of herself... She'd been doing it since she left home two  
years ago. At the time, she'd wanted independence, to which her parents  
reluctantly agreed to. Now she was not only independent... but lonely  
too.

Well, racing kept herself going. Racing, what she was devoted too. Her   
whole life, all of her dreams revolved around that. So what if she didn't  
have any particular close friends? That was what she had to sacrifice  
in order to achieve her dream... And she was popular enough, on the   
track and at Mugen Gakuen, if only as the boy everyone assumed she was.

She sometimes wished she had been born a boy. Everyone would be happier  
that way, including herself. Her parents... She was their only child,   
so they needed a boy more than a girl who acted like one. Her opponents.  
It was a lot more admirable to lose to another man, rather than a member  
of the 'weaker' sex... Herself. For racing, she would give anything to  
be a boy.

For racing, she almost had. She was Tenoh Haruka, a man to the world. It  
would have been so simple to have raced as a boy, where sexism and   
inconveniences couldn't touch her... And, most importantly, if she really  
were a boy... she wouldn't experience the ever returning pangs of isolation  
and loneliness.

 

The pain erupted inside of her, gushing out, like the blood that ran down  
her body. It hurt so much. She heard a scream, then realized it was   
her own, as she fell, the pain finally ceasing, like her life...

 

Her best friend was Shinrai, the only one who knew that she was indeed a   
female. He didn't mind nor had he ever revealed her secret to anyone.  
She thought of him as the older brother she never had.

They were much alike. He was her height, and he had green eyes too, like  
her. His hair was black, though, and more longish than hers. He was   
arrogant and impetuous, but a good deal more thoughtful than Haruka. He  
was at first her competitor, then upon her beating him, her friend. When  
he accidentally discovered her true sex after walking into her room without  
knocking while she was changing, he swore that he would never tell. Since  
then he thought of himself as her protector, though he assured her he knew  
she didn't need one.

A smile played on her lips. Shinrai was a great guy, and had her sexual  
preferences not have already determined who she was, she would have most  
likely dated him. As it was, the idea had no appeal for her whatsoever.  
Of course, even he didn't know that. She wasn't inclined to mention that  
she preferred girls to boys, not even after he proved trustworthy with   
her other secret. It was a personal thing.

Regardless, as of now, he was getting her ready for her next major competition.  
He had also appointed himself her official trainer and manager, and he was  
good at it, she had to admit.

Her dream of racing was a reality, however. She was the youngest driver   
ever to win the annual invitational formula one racing competition in Tokyo,  
being only 15... But the records said 16. She had lied about her age,  
it being technically illegal for her to enter competition before that   
age. Shinrai knew, but their three year age difference didn't bother him.

Right now she was on her way to the track. She paused in front of the pay  
phone in the hallway. Sighing, she placed her card into the slot, dialing  
her home number.

"Mom?" Haruka said into the phone after someone picked it up.

"Haruka-chan?" a female voice answered. "Haruka-chan!"

Haruka felt annoyed at her mother's continual usage of the -chan. She   
wanted to be called just Haruka, or at the most, Haruka-kun.

"I just wanted to see how things are going, Mom. Dad's ok?"

"Yes, your father is fine. I'm fine too. We're busy, with our next trip  
to America next week. How are things there?"

"Great," Haruka answered, ignoring the sudden resurgence of loneliness that  
hit her upon hearing her mother's plans. "Everything's just great. I   
have my next race next week..." I was hoping you could come...

"Well, good luck," her mother said happily. "Oh, I'm so glad you called,  
Haruka-chan. It's been months since we last heard from you."

"I've been training," her daughter answered defensively. "I'm sorry, I   
should call more often..."

"It's all right, Haruka-chan. Just hearing your voice is good enough..."

"Ok, I have to go now. Tell Dad I said hi... Have fun on your trip."

"All right. I love you, dear."

"I love you too, Mom." She hung up the phone, resting her head against  
the wall.

Her mother could always get to her, making her feel guilty, whether   
intentional or not. It wasn't as if Haruka was an economic burden; she   
wasn't. Her parents were extremely wealthy, and her allowance every  
month was considerably generous.

Her father was a lawyer, her mother was in charge of the local charities and  
fund-raisers and that type of thing. She had always been close with her  
parents, yet immediately aware that they were disappointed that she was not  
a boy. They didn't say so, but once in a while, it showed, like when her  
father talked about carrying on the family name... or about his dream to  
start a family company, which Haruka knew required a son. Father-daughter  
partnerships never worked.

But still... They loved her, they needed to know how she was doing once  
in a while.

She sighed, then felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Anything wrong, Tenoh?"

"Shinrai... No, just called my parents." Haruka smiled. Shinrai always  
called her Tenoh from habit, instead of Haruka, which she didn't mind.

"Ah..." Shinrai nodded solemnly. "I see..."

"You don't see anything," Haruka smirked.

"Well... no, I don't," Shinrai admitted. He smiled charmingly, which caused  
Haruka to snicker. "Don't you get along with your parents?"

Haruka shrugged, taking out her card from the phone and walking towards the  
track. Her family was one thing she never discussed with Shinrai. "Yeah,  
sure I do. They can just get... Especially my mom, she... Nevermind,   
I'm ready, let's go."

Shinrai frowned, slightly, but Haruka had one of her determined looks on her  
face, which indicated that she wouldn't say anything no matter how hard he  
could press her. If there was one thing he had learned during his friendship  
with Haruka, it was that she was the most god awful stubborn person alive.

For the rest of the day, Shinrai watched Haruka drive, timing her and then  
commenting on her methods of turning, accelerating, stopping. And through  
it all, Haruka's eyes held the look of one totally involved in what she was  
doing.

I'm going to beat the shit out of all the others, Haruka promised herself  
as she watched Shinrai talk, mentally absorbing his words, taking them in.  
They won't know what hit 'em...

 

Wouldn't know what hit 'em... She cried out as an unexpected attack from  
her side ripped into her. Stupid, never, never let your guard down...  
God, you're bleeding, it hurts, stop the pain, here it comes again, move  
damnit, MOVE! She couldn't, frozen in place. Oh God, you have to get out  
of the way, for her, save her, you have to, fuck it all. The immense pain  
suddenly exploded, and her last thought as she hit the ground was that she  
had failed...

 

Walking home, she moved with her usual arrogance, one hand holding her bag  
over her shoulder, the other in her jacket pocket. It was pretty late and  
dark. The streetlights were on along the street, but no one was about.

Not too strange for 11 at night, she thought. Her mind wandered back to   
racing. The race was too important to screw up... This would somehow   
affect the rest of her life, she was sure, though not certain why.   
Something... compelled her to win _this_ one, and not just the desire to   
simply win... It was more than proving to the world that she was the best,  
at least, this time... Why?

She kicked a rock in her path. It scuttled down the road before finally  
stopping in front of a young woman who seemed to be waiting there. Haruka  
wondered why she hadn't seen her before; the woman had obviously been   
standing there for a while... Or perhaps not. The look on her face was  
serenely patient, her red eyes speaking of someone who knew so much. She  
had long green hair, lovely hair, that cascaded down her back.

Haruka had no idea what to say to her. What do you say to a stranger on the  
street at night? Do you ignore them? Do you greet them? Just walk past  
her, she told herself.

"Tenoh Haruka-san," the woman said.

Haruka froze, her green eyes narrowing. "Who... are you? How did you   
know my name?"

The woman smiled. "I met you a long time ago."

"Uh huh, right," Haruka said, not buying her explanation for an instant.  
"How did you _really_ know?"

She laughed. "I don't suppose you remember, Tenoh-san. But, of course,  
it wouldn't matter if I was telling the truth or not. You're quite   
famous, of course, as a formula one racer."

"Then why don't I get the feeling that you're just another fan?" the blond  
said sarcastically. She wants something... From me.

"Because I'm not," the woman said frankly. "Tenoh-san, you needn't be   
wary of me... My name is Meioh Setsuna."

"I don't recall ever hearing your name," Haruka said flatly. "I never   
forget a name or a face."

Setsuna smiled again, shaking her head. "Remembering is not as easy as  
forgetting."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"In time, Haruka, you will know." Setsuna turned, her hair floating behind  
her.

"Wait!" Haruka said, but a sudden gust of wind blew into her, and she had  
to put her arms up in front of her face in order to balance herself. When  
the wind died, she looked up again. The street was empty, only the single  
rock indicating the place where Setsuna had stood before.

"Meioh Setsuna," Haruka murmured. "I won't forget you again."

 

She sat outside on the sand, her legs stretched out in front of her, her  
eyes watching the waves absently. For the millionth time, she found   
herself wondering who Meioh Setsuna was, and what she wanted. She was a   
very beautiful woman, but very strange, very deceptive... Very dangerous.  
The ones who look weak always turn out to be the deadliest. She knew   
that from experience.

The wind blew around her, flipping her bangs around her face. It felt good,  
warmly refreshing. She always envied the wind, and its glorious freedom,  
its incredible speed.

That's what I want to be... The wind. I want to go faster, to feel the  
power, to feel everything just rip past me...

Though it was low tide, she suddenly felt the waves hit her feet. Staring,  
she watched as the warm wave washed around her feet, then slowly pulled  
back. The waves resumed their normal pattern, never touching her again.

How odd... Like the sea was pleading with her to remain on the earth,   
touching the ground... Don't leave, don't fly away...

She lay back, arms folded behind her head as she stared up into the sky.  
The sky was starry and bright, and very pretty. Celestially at ease.  
Her eyes wandered to the moon, which was shimmering brightly with the  
rays of the sun.

Sometimes... sometimes she wanted to fly away, never returning. What did  
she have here, really... Her parents? Would they miss her leaving?   
Would they even know? Shinrai and her other friends... They didn't fully  
understand her. Racing? Racing was exhilarating, exciting... But she   
sometimes felt it wasn't enough. She was missing something extremely   
important in her life. To fly away... away from the world, to find   
something, find something that would make her, keep her happy.

She closed her eyes, sighing. A breeze floated by, and she thought she   
heard music... Violin music... Coming from where? Sitting up, she   
strained her ears. Her eyes fastened over the sea. The notes suddenly  
died, and she could hear no more.

Violin music. From the sea?

"You're going crazy, Haruka," she whispered. "Absolutely crazy."

But she wasn't so sure.

 

The eyes laughed at her, mocking her. You can't win. No matter what you  
do, I'll always defeat you.

Over and over again, this same dream. It's only a dream, only a nightmare,  
just wake up.

Dream? Does _this_ hurt in a dream? The other laughed, a high, hideous  
shriek of glee.

She could see something glimmer in the faint red light, something sharp.  
It hit her in the next instant, and felt faint, and the light died out,  
as did her will to live...

 

"Haruka-san!"  
"Tenoh-san!"  
"Ooh, Haruka-san! Call me, please!"  
"Need a girlfriend, Haruka-san?!"

Haruka controlled her irritation at the shouts. Sometimes it was amusing,  
but right then she didn't want to be bothered with her fans in the stands.  
Her mind was concentrated on only winning.

"Well, Tenoh, hope everything goes well," Shinrai had said helpfully before  
the race. "Just remember everything I taught you, and knowing how wonderful  
I am, you'll do fine."

"Thanks, Shinrai," Haruka said, grinning. "But... How wonderful do you   
mean?"

Shinrai had smacked her on the back of her head, muttering, "Impertinent  
girl... Good luck."

"Will do."

One girl threw something down at her, and it bonked her on the head, but  
she still ignored it. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see   
the usual crowd of fans. Two blond girls screaming, one blue haired girl  
yelling, couple of brunettes waving, etc... Then she noticed the girl  
with sea-green hair beside one of the hollering black haired girls.

She only saw her for a second, but something about her... She was different.  
Not only because she wasn't jumping about madly like a rabbit or because  
she had an uncomfortable, bored look on her face or even her strangely   
calm beauty...

Haruka shifted her thoughts back to what she was doing. You can think   
about all that later. Right now, concentrate on racing...

She climbed into her car. She really did love it, like some men love their  
cars. They'd been through a lot together. The yellow race car with its  
number 1 on the side and front had taken her to many races, to many wins.  
She depended on it with the trust she had never felt for any human,   
except perhaps Shinrai... Maybe not even him.

"Good luck, Tenoh-san," one of the members of her crew said.

"Thanks," Haruka answered, grinning behind her helmet and giving him   
the thumbs up sign.

The entire race itself was like a dream. It always was. An exhilarating,  
wonderful dream, where she was in control, she was in charge, she knew  
what to do. Her life was on the line, could go at the slightest screw-up,  
and that only made it more exciting. Living for danger, on the edge.

That's the only you can fill the void, right?

It was funny. When she raced, it was as if she was alone... Yet, she always  
knew that there were others there, trying to beat her, and she knew that  
she couldn't let them... But sometimes she forgot about them completely...

After another win, as soon as she got out of her car, she was swarmed by  
fans and reporters.

"How do you feel to win another race, Tenoh-san?"  
"Can you make a comment on winning, Tenoh-san?"  
"Tenoh-san, what can you tell your fans about this dominating win?"  
"Tenoh-san"  
"Tenoh-san"

Haruka held up her hand. God, did they _really_ expect her to answer with  
her helmet on? She reached up, pulling it off her head, taking a deep  
breath. As soon as she did so, her eyes were suddenly staring into the  
ones of that pretty, green-haired girl from before.

They stared at each other for a brief second, and she could hear the girl  
say something, everyone could hear it.

"But that's a girl," she said, her voice amazed.

Haruka controlled her equal astonishment. How the hell did she know that?!  
No one in her life had ever been able to know that so quickly... if at  
all.

The girl blushed, but her gaze was still locked with Haruka's. It was   
like she didn't even know it until she said it...

"Are you blind?" someone said, his voice angry. "Anyone can see that   
Tenoh-san is a guy... It's pretty obvious, don't you think?"

Others were staring at the girl with hostility, murmuring in agreement.

"Michi-chan," the black haired girl said, tugging on her friend's arm.   
"Let's go."

Michi-chan... Was her name Michi? Michibiku? Michiru? Michiru...   
That seemed... familiar... and suited to the girl.

The girl seemed only too happy to comply, turning around, walking away.

Everyone's attention was on staring accusingly at them leave, so Haruka   
took her chance to slip away, unnoticed. She generally liked publicity,  
but to a point. Today she simply was not in the mood for anything of   
that sort.

Shinrai was waiting for her outside the track. He had a thoughtful,   
annoyed look on his face. "I wonder how she knew?" he wondered aloud.

"Gee, thanks," Haruka said sarcastically.

The black haired boy looked startled, then grinned. "Sorry, Tenoh. I  
mean, congratulations on another win. What did I tell you?"

"You're the man," his friend snickered.

"But seriously..." Shinrai said, walking alongside Haruka, taking her to  
her car. "How _did_ she know? Only a few people know that you are a   
girl. Right? Unless..."

"Don't be stupid," Haruka snapped. "I wouldn't tell anyone. I've never  
even met that girl before in my life."

"I agree, she's hard to forget," Shinrai agreed, smiling.

Haruka glanced at him sharply. "What do you mean?" She kept her tone  
even.

"She _is_ one of the most beautiful girls I've seen before," he answered   
without hesitation. "You'd be pretty gone not to be able to notice that."

"Hmm hmm." Haruka reached into her pocket, finding her keys. Taking them  
out, she slipped one of them into the lock.

Suddenly Shinrai grabbed her wrist. "Why, Tenoh?" he asked, his voice  
low. "Are you jealous?"

Haruka felt immediate shock go through her. Shinrai had an intense look  
on his face, and he looked more serious than he ever had been in all the  
time she'd known him. Jealous...? Why would he ask such a thing? Why  
would he even care? They were just friends... Right?

She tore her arm from his grasp. "Why would I be jealous?" She felt  
angry.

"Because I said she was beautiful."

"No!" Haruka thought of something. Was... Shinrai in love with her? He  
couldn't be. The thought of them... the thought of her with any man...  
together nauseated her.

"Haruka..." The first time he'd called her Haruka... "I have to... tell  
you something. Now."

"Can't it wait?" Haruka said.

"It can't," Shinrai said, his voice strange, desperate. "I know we've   
never been anything more than friends..."

"And that's how it'll always be," Haruka put in sharply.

"Haruka! I'm in love with you!"

Haruka felt dizzy, her head spinning. God, don't vomit, please don't now.  
It's not his fault, he doesn't know, you never wanted him to know. But  
God, she'd never encouraged him in any way! Certainly never encouraged him  
before! Why would he suddenly say this?

"Haruka?"

"Shinrai... I'm sorry," Haruka managed to say, leaning against her car. "I  
don't feel the same way... I'll always think of you as only my friend..."

Shinrai had a confused, weird look on his face. "I- Can't you give it a   
chance? Maybe you'll feel differently later..."

"No... I'll never feel that way," Haruka murmured, closing her eyes. Never.

"I... I see..." Shinrai's face suddenly closed, his voice becoming cold.  
"I'm sorry I told you, Tenoh. Of course, I won't ever speak to you   
about this again."

"Please don't." The wrong thing to say, she realized that, but... What the  
hell else could she say? I'm sorry, I'm a lesbian, I can't ever love you  
that way? I think of you as the brother I never had, and anything more   
makes me literally physically sick?

Shinrai nodded, walking away. "Good night, Tenoh."

Haruka fumbled with her keys, unlocking her door, getting inside and slamming  
the door closed. She leaned back in her chair, eyes closed, head hurting.  
Every single swear word she could think of in every single language she  
knew flew through her mind.

She wiped her eyes, angry to find out that she was crying. She hated crying;  
it was such a weak thing to do. But she knew, knew someplace, that she had  
just lost a friend very close to her... She saw it in his eyes that he   
would never treat her the same again... If he could stand to look at her.

"Damn... Why the hell did you fall in love with _me_, Shinrai?" she   
whispered to herself. "Why did you screw everything up?"

 

Screw everything up... You screwed everything up! You can hear her screaming,  
screaming your name. You can't reach her, can't save her, can't do anything  
for her!

It's coming again... This dream that advances every single time you close   
your eyes and let your guard down... Any minute, the blade will hit you,  
slash into you, pierce your heart, and you'll die, fall into blackness.

"URANUS! URANUS!"

She's screaming. Answer her! Help her!

No, not again... It hurts, this feeling of helplessness, the coldness of  
death... Dying... Is this what it's like to die? Why am I so lonely...

 

Haruka found herself thinking about the girl, Michiru, for the third time  
in twenty minutes. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she keep her  
mind on something else?

Like what? Shinrai? Who the landlord said moved away a week ago to some   
place in America? The one who said he was your best friend but the minute  
you need him most, he leaves you? Dammit.

She glanced at her watch. This event thing would start pretty soon. Her  
eyes wandered over to the stage, which was empty. Someone had given her   
the tickets, God knew why, and she'd had nothing better to do so she had  
come. Some big social event for the rich.

She hated this type of thing. It was uncomfortably formal, and she really  
disliked being surrounded by snobs. She couldn't stand fakeness. If you  
wanted to say something, just say it... Then again, isn't that what had  
gotten her in trouble to begin with?

Idly, she drank some of her wine. It tasted pretty good, she guessed, but  
a fairly cheap brand. She knew, her parents were into knowing about wine  
and dates and quality and that type of thing. A hobby that wouldn't do   
you a bit of good if you got drunk anyway.

Haruka sighed. She decided right then that she was over having Shinrai as  
a friend. Regardless of how much he had helped her in her past, he   
obviously didn't think too much of her if he just upped and left. Screw  
him. Anyway, if he was that immature then she didn't need him. Besides,  
she was used to being abandoned by people, being rejected, being alone.

"Thank you for attending this event tonight," a man said from on the stage.

Haruka looked up, thinking, "Finally."

"As you know, this is a charity event, where the proceeds of the tickets go  
to help the local children's hospitals. Entertainment will be provided  
beginning with Kaioh Michiru, an exclusive violinist."

Kaioh... Michiru? Could that be the same...

"Michi-chan, let's go."

A girl came out onto the stage... The same one she had seen at the race.  
So it _was_ her. Haruka took her time watching her. She had on a simple  
white dress with a blue sash, a blue necklace, and her hair was tied up  
in a ponytail.

Cute.

Michiru smiled, and it was a nice, sweet smile. She bowed, then placed her  
violin beneath her chin, breathing deeply before drawing her bow across  
the strings.

The beginning was simplistic, slow, rather dull actually. Haruka was   
minorly amused. _This_ girl was exclusive? Why she was even here was  
beyond-

Michiru's eyes opened slightly, as if she could hear Haruka's criticizing   
remarks. She smiled, closing her eyes again... Then she immediately  
accelerated into a fast, daring piece, which the audience recognized as  
an extremely difficult piece only a master or a gifted prodigy could play.

-her. Ok, so you're wrong, Haruka told herself, mocking herself. She  
watched Michiru's fingers speed across the violin, playing beautiful,  
exquisite notes, and corrected herself. Really, really, really, really  
wrong...

Michiru was the most amazing violinist she had ever heard of in her entire  
life. And she should know... Haruka herself was an accomplished pianist,  
thanks to years of practicing when she was younger. She used to perform   
for her parents' rich friends until she was thirteen, astounding them,  
delighting them with her talent.

When she had finished, Haruka remained silent, eyes not leaving the girl's  
face. Michiru was smiling, in a somewhat half-arrogant, half-modest way,  
watching everyone else, studying them.

Haruka grinned. She was definitely sharp, knowing how and when to use her  
chances to her advantage. The audience was in a brief shock. Michiru's  
eyes suddenly connected to hers.

She finally noticed me. Haruka smiled, now deeply interested in this girl.  
She leaned back, sipping some more wine. Michiru's eyes were narrowed,   
and there was a wary look to her face.

The audience began to clap then, and Michiru bowed quickly, leaving the stage  
in a rush. Haruka stood up, heading out of the room to follow her. She  
saw Michiru walking down the hall, towards the balcony. She looked sick,   
and Haruka felt oddly worried about her.

Avoiding the others in the hall, she barely heard the whispers of her name  
by those who knew who she was from her face, walking after Michiru. She  
found her outside, leaning against the balcony. She seemed better, calmer,  
and for an instant Haruka regretted intruding upon her. But only for an  
instant.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Haruka asked from beside of her. She looked up at   
the sky, which Michiru had been staring at.

Michiru stiffened, glancing at her surprised. Her eyes clouded up, and  
she murmured, "Good evening."

Haruka gave her a look, not answering her, just studying her. She was even  
prettier up close. She had lovely, dark blue eyes and her hair was nice.  
Becoming embarrassed at her thoughts, she feigned nonchalance, returning  
her eyes to the sky.

"It's such a clear night... You can see all the stars right now... Usually  
the smog from Tokyo drifts to cover the sky so you can't see anything." It  
was true enough. She loved looking at the sky...

Little wonder. Tenoh Haruka, or "distant sky god." The sky was what she  
felt a connection too, and more specifically, its brother, the wind.

Michiru looked down, not answering her. Haruka smiled, but she kept   
looking at her, watching her, staring at her.

"You look nice," she said finally. "How do you manage it?"

Michiru looked down at herself quickly, obviously surprised by the question.   
"How do I look nice?" she asked, her voice cautious but curious as well.

Haruka's eyes narrowed on her outfit. "I've never seen someone take   
simplicity and make it look better than something rich or better than the   
expensive clothes."

"This cost 10,000 yen," Michiru laughed, which had a nice sound to it.   
"Rather expensive, actually..."

Haruka grinned, shrugging. "It's still simple looking, and I'd have no  
idea why you'd buy it for 10,000 yen. It still looks good on you."

Michiru had a confused look on her face. "Thank you," she said slowly.   
"You look nice too."

Haruka smiled. She was such a cute girl. Then Haruka's smile turned a  
bit mocking. "What's a nice girl like you doing being the best   
violinist I've ever heard?"

Michiru looked faintly annoyed with her question. "The usual," she replied,  
her laugh this time forced. "Impressing everyone with my talent, gaining  
their approval and affection..."

"Like a dream," Haruka said thoughtfully, just coming to that realization.  
"That's what your music was like... A dream world was what you were   
creating."

Michiru looked down, her eyes surprised, her voice soft. "How... did  
you know?"

"When you play, you become relaxed, you look fully with the music, as if  
you were it personified," Haruka murmured, replaying Michiru's performance  
in her head, remembering every detail.

Michiru didn't comment. She was looking away. Haruka felt some strange  
feeling inside of her as she gazed at the girl. She'd never talked to  
anyone like this, never understood someone so much after knowing so   
little. Why...

Michiru sighed, her hands reaching to untie her hair.

Haruka touched her wrist automatically, without thinking. "Leave it,   
Kaioh-san. It's very pretty."

Her hand brushed Michiru's bangs, and the other girl flushed.

"Why do I feel as if I know you from before?" Michiru asked, pulling away.  
"I hadn't even seen or heard about you until that day at the track."

Haruka was silent, not knowing the answer herself. She felt as if she knew  
Michiru from before. Something entered her mind, something inane, on a   
chance. "Supposedly, in astrology, Uranus and Neptune are related... Your   
guardian planet is Neptune, right? Mine is Uranus..."

The green haired girl smiled. She seemed to understand the answer, in a  
way that Haruka only half understood herself...

Haruka's eyes narrowed, as she heard something. She felt eyes on her back,  
knew someone was there with them... She put her arm around Michiru,   
drawing her close. She felt surprisingly good next to her...

"Shh," she hissed, quieting Michiru's unasked question. "Someone's watching  
us..."

"Quite right, Tenoh Haruka-san."

Haruka froze, knowing the voice, knowing who it belonged to without turning  
around. Slowly, she did. Meioh Setsuna was standing in the shadows, her  
smile benevolent.

"Meioh Setsuna-san?" Michiru asked incredulously.

"You know her, Michiru?" Haruka said, surprised. How did she know her?

Michiru said softly: "I met her this afternoon..."

"I'm glad you're both together again, Haruka-san, Michiru-san," Setsuna  
said quietly, her smile kind. "It's going to be very helpful."

"Helpful?" Haruka snapped, irritated. "What do you mean?"

Setsuna looked at both of them. "I-"

Haruka heard voices, calling her name. Setsuna stopped talking, and Haruka  
looked to see some men entering the balcony. Who were they? She looked   
back at Setsuna, then saw that she was not there anymore.

She looked down at Michiru, wondering how a mere embrace could make her feel  
so good. Michiru was blushing again, and she pulled away from Haruka.   
Haruka felt her own face turning red, realizing that this was a mistake,  
holding her, since they had only just really met that night. Michiru pulled  
away, quickly.

"Thank you, Tenoh-san, for talking with me," she said, her voice turning  
formally cool. She avoided looking into Haruka's eyes as she said, "I   
hope to see you again in the near future."

Wait, this is all wrong...

"Kaioh-san," she said, but Michiru was already out the door.

The men were heading towards her. She recognized them as her rivals from  
her last race... They probably would have confronted her earlier, had   
she not left so quickly. They surrounded her, but she simply leaned   
casually back against the railing, waiting for them to speak.

"Soo, Tenoh, what were you and her doing?" one of them asked, with short  
brown hair, crossing his arms.

"She was pretty hot," the blue haired one snickered.

"Shut up," Haruka said, her voice suddenly sharp, but still low. She  
felt surprised at how angry she felt at his comment.

"What's wrong? Did we interrupt you two?" The main guy, who had come  
into second place, Kaeru, smirked. "Did Tenoh not get any?"

"You know what, Kaeru?" the first guy asked. "I think you two would go  
pretty good together."

"Not bad thinking," Kaeru said, laughing. "She looks like she could  
really fu-"

Haruka's fist slammed into his face. He went flying to the ground. His  
two friends rushed her, and she kicked the blue haired one in the chest,  
and then she kicked the other in the stomach. All three were on the   
ground groaning in pain.

"Don't you _ever_ insult her like that," Haruka hissed angrily. "And don't  
ever cross me again, or I'll make sure that you'll never be able to even  
_think_ of winning a race."

She turned, seething, leaving the balcony. She decided to skip the rest of  
the evening, so she went to her car. As she drove home, she thought she  
saw someone who looked like Michiru walking home, but the person turned a  
corner and she couldn't tell.

 

She felt the side of her face, feeling the deep cut, feeling the stinging  
sensation from the wound. She saw the girl laugh, purple eyes ablaze with  
fury, laugh malicious. She saw that in her hand she held a deadly glaive,  
the blade glinting in the red light. The girl aimed it at her, but before  
she could touch her, a pure light pervaded throughout, and the girl   
screamed in pain from the goodness of it.

Something was floating in front of her, she could barely see it from the   
blood running into her eyes. She reached for it, and as her hand clasped  
around the handle, she was enveloped by the light itself...

She awoke, still engulfed in the light. Staring in astonishment, she watched  
as the blue stick in her hand vanished into thin air. Wiping the blood   
from the cut on her cheek, she wondered what the stick was and why her   
dreams were always so real...

 

The phone kept ringing, much to her annoyance. Finally someone picked it  
up. "Michiru-san?" she asked.

"No, I'm sorry," a woman said. "Michiru-chan is out right now. Who is   
speaking, please?"

Haruka inwardly groaned. "Tenoh Haruka... Could you tell her that I'd  
like to meet her in the park at five, please?"

"All right," the woman said, sounding curious. "By the way, are you by  
any chance a friend of Michiru-chan's?"

"Well..." Haruka sounded nervous, even to herself. This was probably   
Michiru's mother. "You could say that."

"Oh!" She was pleased. "That's nice! I'm glad Michiru-chan's finally  
found a nice male friend for herself."

"Uh..." Haruka sweatdropped. Male? "I'm not..."

"Not what, dear?"

"Uh... Nevermind, Kaioh-san," Haruka said politely. "Thank you for your  
help. Have a good day."

Haruka hung up the phone, sighing. Lord, she sounded exactly like Haruka's  
mom... A male friend?! Well... It was true, she admitted to herself,  
that she wanted to be more than friends with Michiru...

"Why do I get the feeling that Kaioh-san wouldn't be pleased with the fact  
that I'm a girl?" she wondered softly to herself.

Something shot through her mind. Groaning, she fell to her knees as a  
newer vision came to her...

 

"NEPTUNE!" She screamed.

"URANUS! Where are you?" a voice cried back. "I can't find you!"

She looked to the sky, seeing the clouds twist with blackness. She turned  
her head, watching in horror as large black waves swallowed up buildings  
and a large, destructive wind destroyed everything in its path... People,   
plants, animals, cars... All gone in an instant.

"NEPTUNE!" She screamed again, this time frantically.

A shadow loomed over her, and she twisted her head to see the cloaked girl  
flying towards her with her blade of death. The purple eyes were so cold,  
so icy, and her smile was so evil... She quickly moved out of the way,   
but not fast enough.

The metal pierced her leg, ripping downwards, and she groaned as she lost  
all sensation in it.

"Neptune..." she whispered as the girl giggled, then thrust the glaive  
into her...

 

She stood up, holding her head. She looked down, seeing a bright redness  
soak into the leg of her pants before vanishing without a trace. She   
stepped on the leg, wincing as it still hurt a little. Looking around,   
she realized with a start that the street was completely empty, which was  
so very strange for Tokyo at this time of day... It was so quiet...

"Haruka-san." That soft voice again...

"Setsuna-san." She limped out of the booth to see the woman, her eyes  
hard. "What's happening? What did you do?"

Setsuna smiled, but sadly. "I haven't done anything... But this complete  
lack of human life will happen if you do not listen to me..."

"What are you talking about?" Haruka demanded, her voice angry.

"Haruka-san, do you know about those visions you've been having..." Setsuna  
said quietly, walking down the street.

Haruka followed her slowly; the pain gradually decreased. "How did you know  
about them?"

"They're not just dreams, Haruka-san."

"I think I figured that out," Haruka murmured dryly, running her finger over  
the nearly healed cut on her face, thinking about her leg. "But what do   
they mean?"

"They're a warning of the future," Setsuna explained, her voice low. "In  
it, the world is destroyed by something known as the Silence... A coldness  
will sweep over Earth if you do not prevent it."

"Me? Prevent it?" Haruka asked, laughing. "Look, Setsuna-san, do you   
honestly expect me to stop the world from ending? I don't even know if  
you're telling the truth."

Setsuna stopped in front of a window, where she could see her reflection.

"Haruka-san, come here."

Haruka went to her side, glancing at her, then at the window. She saw herself  
wearing the same arrogant stare. "What? I don't see anything, just myself  
staring back at me."

"Look again."

Haruka did so, then stared in shock. In the reflection was a girl with the  
same features as she, but with an odd blue sailor-type uniform on, a short  
skirt, tiara, gloves... "Who... is that?"

"A reflection," Setsuna murmured. "A reflection of yourself..."

"That's me?" Haruka couldn't believe it. "But... she's so... And I'm  
not... But..."

Setsuna laughed. "Tongue tied, Haruka-san? Understandable... Everything  
will fall into place very soon... As it will for Michiru-san."

Haruka sent her a confused glance, then looked back into the window. She  
was surprised to see her usual reflection there.

"Sets-" She turned her head. Setsuna wasn't there... And the street was  
once again filled with people...

Is she telling the truth... Am I really that girl I saw... My reflection?

 

She had wandered aimlessly around the park for hours, finding no sign of  
Michiru anywhere. It had been stupid on her part to pick the park of all  
places to meet her... Couldn't she at least remember that this was the   
fair weekend?

It was nearly hopeless to search for Michiru, but she had to talk to her...

Setsuna had mentioned her name. Did that mean that Michiru had been having  
visions like herself? That would explain so much... Yet so very little.  
In fact, it would even twist things more so...

A little, purple haired girl ran into her, tripping. The girl fell down,  
beginning to breath harshly. Rather alarmed, Haruka bent down to help  
her up.

"Are you ok?" Haruka asked.

The girl continued breathing quickly, holding her chest. Gradually, she  
calmed herself down. She looked up at Haruka, smiling shyly, her bright  
purple eyes sweet. "Yes, I'm all right. I'm sorry I ran into you,   
Miss."

She stood up and ran off.

Haruka blinked. "Wait!" she called, but the girl disappeared into the  
crowd. That girl had been cute, about 11 or so. But if was weird how  
she had known that Haruka was a girl immediately... And how she had   
reacted after only bumping into her... Haruka still felt worried about  
her, unnaturally so for a child, and a stranger at that.

She walked onward, still trying to see glimpses of Michiru anyplace.   
Standing on her toes so she could be even taller, she almost toppled   
when she realized that she did see the girl. She was heading to the  
House of Mirrors.

Someone bumped into her, and she did fall down.

"Oops, sorry, mister," the girl said.

Haruka got to her feet, smiling charmingly at the girl, who was surprisingly  
cute. She had long blond hair fashioned into two odango shapes at the  
top of her head, blue eyes, and the word naive written all over her face.

"That's ok. Just watch where you're going, odango." Haruka walked past  
her, patting her on one of the odango, not hearing as the girl's friends  
suddenly gathered around her, asking her who that handsome guy was.

As she entered the House of Mirrors, she tried finding her way around.  
She felt annoyed as she realized that she hated mazes. She kept  
running into mirrors, and that pretty much irritated her.

She was beginning to feel impatient until she finally found Michiru, who  
was on the ground, not moving.

Quickly, Haruka lifted her up slightly against her chest, relieved to find  
her breathing faintly. She was extremely pale.

"Michiru! Michiru!" Haruka said, shaking her slightly.

Slowly, Michiru's eyes opened, and she looked confused.

"Tenoh-san," she whispered, "what are you doing here?"

Haruka helped her sit up on her own, not wanting to let her go, but doing  
so anyway.

"I was looking for you," Haruka grinned, attempting to loosen the obvious  
tension the other girl had. "It wasn't very easy, considering the flood of  
people here... For some reason, after a while, I decided to come here,  
just for the hell of it, I guess."

Can't tell her you were nearly desperate looking for her?

Oh, shut up.

"Did you see Meioh Setsuna here?" Michiru asked, looking away. She seemed  
troubled, her eyes dark.

Haruka's narrowed her eyes, wondering if Setsuna really had been talking  
to Michiru too. "She was here? I'm not surprised... That woman is  
everywhere... But, no, I didn't see her."

Michiru nodded, pushing herself up to her feet. She brushed off her skirt,  
still avoiding Haruka's stare. "Thank you for helping me, Tenoh-san," she  
murmured, her attitude once again annoyingly formal. "But I really didn't  
want to see you."

That was such an outright lie that Haruka had to smile. But since the fact   
that Michiru _was_ lying wasn't funny, it was only a slight one. "Then why  
did you come here in the first place?" she said lightly.

Michiru flushed. She really was cute when she did that, Haruka thought.  
She does it a lot though...

"I would like to know why you wanted to meet me."

Haruka stood, shrugging her shoulders. Her fingers brushed the mirror in   
front of her. It was cold, hard, but smooth. She looked into the glass,  
eyes catching Michiru's in the reflection. Michiru had a strange look   
on her face, one of curiosity, embarrassment, and... something else.

"I wanted to get to know you better, that's all," she answered, her voice  
flat. "I thought we could be friends."

Friends... That's really great, Haruka. _Friends_. Why not say   
_sisters_, for God's sake?

Michiru seemed amused by the statement. With a touch of arrogance, she  
lifted one eyebrow, in a way that showed her humor. "You hardly know   
me, but you wish to be friends already?"

It was Haruka's turn to be embarrassed. Keeping her voice even, she said,  
"I know you a lot better than you think, Michiru... And you know more   
about me than you're letting on."

"I don't know what you're talking about," the other answered, annoyed with  
the observation. "I'd rather not see you again, if you don't mind."

"Why?" Haruka was suddenly very angry, though she kept her annoyance down  
to a minimum... Just barely. What was her problem?

"I haven't done anything, to my knowledge, to provoke you to say such a  
thing."

"You make me uncomfortable," Michiru replied candidly, her answer very direct.  
Her blue eyes met with Haruka's green ones. "I don't trust you either."

She didn't answer. True enough, she guessed. It wasn't as if Haruka was   
particularly comfortable with Michiru either, nor did she feel inclined to  
tell the girl every single thing about her life.

Yet... Damn, why was she being so cold? That, to be blunt, pissed her off.  
Her mind recalled her conversation with Setsuna. If that woman really was  
talking to Michiru, wouldn't it be possible that she experienced the same  
as Haruka...?

"You've had visions?" she said, turning around to face Michiru.

A number of emotions flashed through the girl's expressive eyes. Surprise,  
anger, fear, pain... They finally decided on indifference. "What a silly   
thing to say," she said, her voice a trifle haughty. "I don't see things.  
I'm not crazy."

"Neither am I," Haruka snapped, offended by her remarks. "What does being  
crazy have to do anything? Let me tell you something... _I've_ had   
visions, visions where I've seen the world ending, where I've seen things   
happening that no one can possibly imagine if they weren't true, _felt_   
myself being killed... You can't feel pain in dreams..."

She found herself grabbing Michiru's arms, staring into her eyes. "I  
know you've seen the same."

Michiru was trembling, her eyes angry and scared at the same time.

"Let me go." The command was soft and strained.

"Haven't you?!"

"Let me _go_!" Michiru yelled, using her leg to quickly trip Haruka. She  
lost her grip and fell. Both were breathing harshly, staring at each  
other.

Michiru spoke first, her gaze unwaveringly direct. She spoke softly, but   
with an underlying coldness. "Tenoh Haruka. I don't want to ever see you  
again. Just leave things where they are at, and if you _ever_ touch me   
like that again, I swear I'll make you wish you'd never met me."

Haruka watched as she walked away, quickly, gone in an instant behind the  
walls of mirrors. She sighed, getting to her feet after a few minutes. She  
leaned her head against a mirror, angry at herself and the other.

Why did you do that to her? Why did you lose control? Why did she provoke  
you so badly? Yeah, you like her, a lot. But still... No one has ever  
made you react that way before...

"Haruka."

Haruka looked up, her eyes seeing Setsuna in the reflection. "Setsuna-san."  
She looked away. "I guess you know what happened."

"I'm afraid so."

"I don't suppose you'd like to explain why we both reacted so unexpectedly."

Setsuna smiled, kindly. "Haruka-san... Remember when I told you that who  
you saw in the window was yourself?"

"Yes," Haruka said. "Who was that, really?"

"You. This may be hard for you to understand, but... You are her, and  
she is a warrior of this planet, Sailor Uranus."

"Sailor... Uranus..." Haruka whispered. "Someone was calling that name  
in my dream. She was calling me?"

"Yes," Setsuna nodded. "Remember this?"

A bright light flashed, and a stick appeared in front of Haruka. She   
took it, but this time it remained in her hand.

"It's beautiful," she said.

"This gives you the power to become Uranus. You must find the Talismans  
with Sailor Neptune in order to stop the Silence from destroying Earth."

"And... she is..." Haruka grew thoughtful. "Michiru?"

Setsuna smiled, tilting her head. "Yes, Sailor Neptune is Michiru. That  
is why she had the same dreams as you did. You two are partners."

"Partners..." Haruka wondered at that. "But... She doesn't like me,   
how can we work together?"

"She will change," the dark green haired woman said.

"And I guess you are a soldier of this Earth, too?" Haruka asked.

"Yes... I am," she laughed, sadly. "I protect this Earth, past,   
present, and future..."

She turned away.

"Where are you going?" Haruka asked.

"To finish my work," Setsuna answered. "I will see you again... one  
day."

"No, wait!"

But she was gone.

"I... still have so many questions." She held the stick in her hand.

It lifted out of her hand, floating. She stared at it, and she found  
herself surrounded by a blue light, that swept her away.

 

Startled, she looked around. She saw nothing except for the ever present   
dark blue color.

"Where am I?"

"Your soul, of course," a voice answered her.

She turned to see a miniature version of herself floating in front of  
her... Wearing a blue, elegant dress with the sign of Uranus on her  
forehead.

"Who are you? My tour guide?"

"I'm your conscience, your memory," the other explained. "You've   
forgotten quite a bit, Haruka."

"Oh?" Haruka was humored by her memory. "Like what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Everything..." She touched Haruka's forehead.   
"There now... Remember now?"

And she did.

 

They were children on the moon, playing together. Neptune used her  
Deep Submerge to splash her with water, upon which she let loose a  
World Shaking.

Neptune began crying as she slipped as she ran off. She held her knee  
which she fell down on.

"Don't cry," Chibi Uranus said, worried. She gave Neptune a kiss on the  
knee. "There, it's ok now."

Chibi Neptune stopped crying, smiling. "Thank you," she sniffed, rubbing  
her eyes. "Your my best friend, Uranus..."

 

Neptune leaned up, kissing her. They remained doing so, pressed against  
each other until they heard giggling.

Neptune pulled back, smiling at the other senshi valiantly attempting   
to try to hide themselves behind plants and objects in the hallway.

"Guess we've been found out," she whispered.

"Oh well," Uranus said back, bending her head down to kiss her again.

 

Michiru looked down, confused. "You look nice too."

You're so cute, Haruka thought.

 

Haruka found that she was outside the House of mirrors, alone. The stick  
was in her hand, and she touched its handle thoughtfully before placing  
it into her pocket.

Michiru, she thought. She felt weird, knowing so much now... But not  
really, since her past was worthless if she had no future... She walked  
home, mulling over in her mind about things.

She kicked a rock in her way, reminding herself of her first encounter  
with Setsuna. She was a warrior, like herself... Why did she seem so  
sad?

Haruka continued walking, noticing the peacefulness of the city, liking  
it in some way. Quiet. Gave her time to think. She decided to take  
her longer route home; she was used to walking a lot, from track, so it  
didn't bother her to take a scenic.

She knew this place, near the side of the road, where she could see the  
sea perfectly. It was best at night, when no one was around, and when  
she could see the sky and the stars and the moon.

Life was funny.

She reached the spot, on a small cliff, where she stood looking over the  
side. Her thoughts swirled in her mind, and she recalled Shinrai. He  
had been her best friend... She wondered what he was doing then, if he   
had found someone else who could appreciate him in that way. She thought  
about her parents, who were in America. She wondered if they were having  
a good time. She wondered if Michiru was all right... And she wondered  
about herself, about her life ahead of her.

Shinrai was out of her life forever, she knew and understood. She   
accepted it without emotion, as if she had lost a part of her past that  
she could never regain...

Her parents. Well... They were important to her, but not so much a   
major factor in her life.

Michiru... Herself... They were connected, she realized. If she  
couldn't have Michiru in her life again...

"Hello, are you lost?" someone asked from behind her.

That was her, now.

"Do you need a ride home?" She sounded worried.

Haruka shrugged to herself. Might as well talk to her now.... "No,   
I'm all right, Michiru," she said.

"Haruka?" Michiru's voice was quiet, wary.

She smiled at her, watching her look down. Say something...

"You should really look at this," she tried, shifting her glance back  
to the ocean. "You'd like it. It's really beautiful."

She heard Michiru sigh, then unbuckle her seat belt, opening the door,   
shutting it behind her. The girl went to her side, and she gasped.

"It's wonderful," she whispered.

"It reminds me of you," the blond said automatically.

She looked at Michiru, who was staring at her with an odd expression  
on her face.

"You remind me of a lot of things," she finally said, turning her head  
away.

"That's a typical response, Neptune," she said, laughing.

Michiru looked more surprised than she sounded. "You... know?"

"Yeah," Haruka answered, feeling relief. So her gamble had worked.   
"I guess you do too."

"I remember everything from before," she murmured. She smiled shyly  
at Haruka. "We were close, weren't we?"

"I'd say more than close," Haruka pointed out gently.

"Do... you still feel the same way?"

Haruka saw her fighting her embarrassment. She realized with a start   
that they were both young, Michiru only having turned 15 several  
months ago, and that pleased her. She wanted to be with her for the   
rest of her life, a decision that surprised her.

She felt suddenly nervous. Just do something. She leaned down, kissing  
Michiru on her cheek, gently. Michiru looked shocked, staring at Haruka.

She knew she was turning red. She coughed to hide her feelings. "I do  
feel the same... But you might not... I guess that was dumb to do...  
Why am I so damn _nervous_."

The other girl giggled. Haruka smiled, reassured by the sound.

"That answered my question," she said, drawing in Michiru against her.  
"I'm glad I met you again, Michiru."

She nodded, repeating, "I'm glad I met _you_ again."

In spite of everything she had known, everything that she had gone   
through, no words before had ever made her feel so glad to be who   
she was... Tenoh Haruka, senshi of the planet of the skies, Sailor  
Uranus.


End file.
